Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
My mother is only 76 but she is a dry alcoholic that has never gotten into "recovery" and never learned new behaviors. In other words, she still acts very much like an alcoholic without picking up the bottle, which is sometimes more difficult to deal with....
She has always been needy, emotionally brittle, and very taxing and draining to the ppl around her.... I remember caring for my mother "emotionally" even when I was as young as twelve years old.. reassuring HER about life.
But as she ages , it has only become worse. She is still on her own, but it seems she has a crisis , or develops a crisis so that me and/ or my brother have to come running every weekend. And she is just always on the brink of emotional breakdown since dad died 7 years ago
It is exhausting. And we aren't even into the "old years" yet.
But it's like she refuses to take care of herself so that WE (brother and I ) have to. She equates US CARING for her as LOVING her. And she is QUITE capable. It's irritating that she does not want to do for herself what she can do. This is typical of alcoholics and dry alcoholics that have not had counseling and emotional recovery.
Anyone else find caring for an someone that is "emotionally unstable" very exhausting?
I know this is not the same as someone very ill , with cancer or dementia... and I am so sorry for those that are caring for sick, elderly parents.
I am thinking that mine is only beginning. This might not be the right forum, but I know that I am on the brink of starting to have to care for Mom... and I am dreading it. My brother has gone to my mom's every weekend since dad died up until this past year and now she is falling apart. He is trying to have a life of his own...and take care of himself after a triple open heart bypass. But it's like she can't function emotionally without us there and she is quite capable physically. It's infuriating and irritating. And exhausting. My MIL is ninety and not near the emotional or physical drain to us or her family.
Blessings to all ...
I can tell you that if you don't set boundaries, it'll get worse. I've had to do that. It wasn't easy but it's worked out for me.
It's exhausting, I agree. I hope you come to some time of resolution soon.
TY so much for your advice. I have not talked to my mom about it. She's a dry alcoholic and they THINK irrationally. If it's not their way, it's a big fight. There is no reasoning with her... it's like trying to have a serious conversation with a drunk person. It's no different when they have not had recovery. But I have talked to my brother and he agrees that it will get worse. I will have to set my boundaries and it's a screaming fight when I do... on her side. I don't fight. I hang up or remove myself from the screaming. I always park my car in a position I can leave and not be blocked and I keep my things semi packed when I go visit bc u never know what will set her off. She is better somewhat since I've set these boundaries... but we will see... She informed me today that someone was at HER mother's house every weekend when she was older... and that eventually one of us would move in with her. She was joking but I still said NO. That's not going to happen. If it gets a whole lot worse, I will have to sit her down. She won't like it... but it might have to be done anyway. It might not get the results I want, but it still might have to be done. TY. I am glad I am not the only one. Ginger
My mother lives with me but we've come to an understanding where her poor behavior is not acceptable so those episodes although they do still happen, are infrequent. When she does, I call her out on it right away.
Oh somedays, you just want to open the front door and fly away! Well, maybe for an hour or so... lolllllllllllll