Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
My 85 year old Mom lives with hubby and me. We have a set of John Wayne plates hanging on one of our walls. There are six of them. I bought them for my Mom over the years, but since she lives with us we, of course, hung them on our wall. They are Franklin Mint plates.
So I casually said a couple of hours ago, "Gee, I wonder what these plates are worth if I were to sell them?" I immediately got told off that I shouldn't wish her dead, they were her plates. She completely lost it, and of course I answered her that it had nothing to do with her being dead or alive, that I was just curious what they were worth. She stormed up to the 2nd floor of our house and sulked in her bedroom.
I am now in the office in our lower level, posting this and talking with hubby. I can't believe how everything is taken out of context and now I am the bad guy. I have no siblings (well, I have them, but they all live in Vegas and can't help).
Anyway, today is going to be a loooooong day. I know she will get over it, but still..............Aggravation!!!!!
So I casually said a couple of hours ago, "Gee, I wonder what these plates are worth if I were to sell them?" I immediately got told off that I shouldn't wish her dead, they were her plates. She completely lost it, and of course I answered her that it had nothing to do with her being dead or alive, that I was just curious what they were worth. She stormed up to the 2nd floor of our house and sulked in her bedroom.
I am now in the office in our lower level, posting this and talking with hubby. I can't believe how everything is taken out of context and now I am the bad guy. I have no siblings (well, I have them, but they all live in Vegas and can't help).
Anyway, today is going to be a loooooong day. I know she will get over it, but still..............Aggravation!!!!!
If I want to know if something I have is worth anything I check to see what people are bidding on eBay.
It seems sad to me. She is obviously very sensitive about being at her current situation and place in life, and unhappy. It seems the compassionate and loving thing to do would be to offer a genuine apology (even if you already offered one) and moving forward to pay more attention to how your words may make her feel before you say something.
As an aside, when my MIL passed away we inherited a bunch of "collections" which included lots of those Franklin Mint plates and the Franklin Mint coins. They aren't worth hardly anything at all, but eBay is a good place to see what people are paying for them. We sold the plates at an estate sale for $1.00 a piece, then lowered the price to 50 cents a piece, and we still had plates left over to donate to St. Vinnie's by the end of it. The first ones to go were the Norman Rockwell series, followed by the Thomas Kincaid series. The coins weren't worth much, either. We took them to a coin collector who said most of those Franklin mint coins cost more to make than they were ever actually worth. It's really sad, because I'm sure when FIl and MIL bought these things they were duped into believing they would actually be worth something someday. :(
I feel sorry for old people. Just be nice to mom, OK? She's old and it's probably not very fun to be her.
No it is NOT fun to be a cranky old person! But the way some of us on this board deal with a difficult situation we cant change is to try to find some humor in it.
Getting stronger has been putting up with her mother for many years.
I don't see anything wrong with trying to joke around a bit. It makes us feel better for a little while.
I wasn't poking fun of my mother. What got me hurt and angry is the fact that she assumed, because I causally asked what the value of the plates might be if I wanted to sell them, that I wanted her to die so I COULD sell them. That is not what I expressed. She jumped down my throat in such a nasty way that I was taken aback. But she has always been a harsh, angry person. She was verbally and physically abusive to me and my siblings when we were kids. She had a crummy marriage to my father and took it out on us kids.
She has lived with hubby and me for almost 9 years, and once in a while shows the nasty, mean side of herself. In my post, I was just venting my frustration with her attitude. And Trojan is very honest and tells it like it is; very supportive, honest in opinions, and with a sense of humor. We were just sharing a sense of humor around this event. In no way have I been disrespectful or hurtful to my Mom. But once in a while, when we have a problem with a parent, it is nice to just vent on this forum and get perspective from other people. Thank you for your input, but I guarantee you, my Mom has a very nice life here, and we are, for the most part, very kind and generous with her.
I see that you are new on DS, so before I forget, welcome! Lots of good people here who have had a lot of difficult experiences.
I get what you say about keeping our parent's feelings in mind. Sadly even the best of our parents here have had moments when they really dumped on us, dumped on us hard.
My MIL is really easy compared to some of the abuse others here have put up with but even still I've been told that I eat pancakes wrong, I don't know how to cook, I don't do things the way my sister in law did, I've been thanked for "trying" when I don't cook a meal exactly the way she remembers it 20 or 30 years ago.
So at some point I have to unload or else I'll have a nervous breakdown. My wife understands me since she sees what goes on here. Her brother, who along with his wife took care of their mom for 20 years before she moved in with us, understands what goes on.
And the people here understand what goes on when an aged parent moves in with their child and son or daughter in law.
So please feel free to share your experiences here. I won't try to say that I know exactly what you are going through because I don't. I may have an idea, but unless I can live in your head for a year or so I'll won't ever come close to knowing exactly how you feel!
Soooo, what is your story, and what has and has not worked for you?
Again, WELCOME TO OUR GROUP!!!