Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Hi, I'm cag3y, and I found this forum trying to find support for what we are dealing with re: my dad. He is 75, and he was diagnosed with stage III incurable and inoperable lung carcinoma a year ago. Chemo and radiation treatments rapidly took their toll on him (during which he fell and hit his head, and it was discovered he had a heart issue that required pacemaker surgery). A year later, and he is a shell of his former self, cognitively he's struggling. My mother is his sole caregiver. We children live relatively close - all three of us 30 minutes or less away (I live about 10-15 min away). My mom is really struggling right now with my dad's anger toward her, he's extremely critical of everything she does, from the way she handles things w/ him to doing things on her own (because he did a lot for her, and she never needed to do it herself).
Some things he does gets pretty aggravating: He soils himself and gets it on the carpet and bedding, but he doesn't want to wear an incontinence garment. His appetite stimulant no longer works, but he won't consider other options because he didn't hear it from the Dr. herself that he should (I had called and spoken to his oncologist's nurse, but that doesn't matter to him). My mom hardly ever leaves the house because it's best that my dad not be left alone too long, and she worries that he would get angry if one of us kids came to stay with him while she left, because he doesn't think he needs that kind of assistance. I feel guilty about the fact that she bears the brunt of this but don't know what to do. Yet he simply cannot help himself back up if he falls. He insisted on taking a bath the other day, and they ended up having to call one of my brothers to lift him out of the tub. He cannot get up from hands-and-knees position on his own.
I realize that his goal isn't to frustrate us. I know this isn't his fault, and I know that he deserves to live with dignity, but I feel awful that my mom is just kind of a prisoner here. That's what it seems like to me. He needs assistance, and I think he knows he does, but he expects my mom to do it all, won't consider anyone else's help, and he doesn't appear to appreciate hers. The good news is the cancer treatment has reduced the tumor and slowed its growth - but at what cost? It's hard to see my parents struggle like this.
Thank you for listening.
