Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
I don't normally post a problem with my mother because for the most part she's on top of things; is pretty healthy and gets out and about on her own.
She's been living with me for almost 2 years now and lately I'm noticing a change in her. Her mother, my grandmother was the youngest of 17; none of which passed away before the age of 93. My grandmother passed away when she was 101 so I've always thought that memory issues would never be an issue with my mother since there literally wasn't anyone on my mother's side that suffered from dementia in their old age.
Last night she decided to make herself a salad; she started with the lettuce and chopped that up, then proceeded to chop up the rest of her ingredients. All of a sudden she got upset and said, where's my lettuce; were you over here cleaning up on me again. I said, no, I've been sitting here at the table. She got upset and said, my lettuce is missing. I got up and looked around; perhaps she put it back in the refer; but no. I opened the trash compactor and there it was; she had thrown it out.
This isn't the first time she's done this. Lately she can't find anything; she'll shop for ingredients to make a certain dish an throw out the ingredients before she starts making it. Then she's upset that she threw things out.
Every time I turn around she can't find something that she bought the day before. It's happening more and more often.
I have not confronted her with these memory issues and I'll keep my eyes on her but it's making me nervous. Not sure if I need to contact her doctor and talk to her on the side?
Other days she's perfectly fine and then again stories that she's told us the night before, she's repeating the following morning.
There's one other issue that concerns me too. My mother has always reconciled her checkbook once a month. Lately I find her in her checkbook all the time; she's reconciling again she tells me. But I think it's more than that.
Alot of this I'm sure is just old age; she is 85 but then again at what point do I take control and get the doctor involved???????
Has anyone else gone through this? I need some advice on how to move forward. It's making me very nervous!
She's been living with me for almost 2 years now and lately I'm noticing a change in her. Her mother, my grandmother was the youngest of 17; none of which passed away before the age of 93. My grandmother passed away when she was 101 so I've always thought that memory issues would never be an issue with my mother since there literally wasn't anyone on my mother's side that suffered from dementia in their old age.
Last night she decided to make herself a salad; she started with the lettuce and chopped that up, then proceeded to chop up the rest of her ingredients. All of a sudden she got upset and said, where's my lettuce; were you over here cleaning up on me again. I said, no, I've been sitting here at the table. She got upset and said, my lettuce is missing. I got up and looked around; perhaps she put it back in the refer; but no. I opened the trash compactor and there it was; she had thrown it out.
This isn't the first time she's done this. Lately she can't find anything; she'll shop for ingredients to make a certain dish an throw out the ingredients before she starts making it. Then she's upset that she threw things out.
Every time I turn around she can't find something that she bought the day before. It's happening more and more often.
I have not confronted her with these memory issues and I'll keep my eyes on her but it's making me nervous. Not sure if I need to contact her doctor and talk to her on the side?
Other days she's perfectly fine and then again stories that she's told us the night before, she's repeating the following morning.
There's one other issue that concerns me too. My mother has always reconciled her checkbook once a month. Lately I find her in her checkbook all the time; she's reconciling again she tells me. But I think it's more than that.
Alot of this I'm sure is just old age; she is 85 but then again at what point do I take control and get the doctor involved???????
Has anyone else gone through this? I need some advice on how to move forward. It's making me very nervous!
Yes. Time to call the doctor and get a diagnoses so you can get your POA's lined up and be able to take over her affairs.
It was only a few short weeks after we noticed Dad starting to make the same sort of mistakes until he could no longer care for himself.
I know its scary. Good luck!
I think you need to get mom to her doctor soon. THere are some things that can be wrong physically that would mimic dementia. The fact that you have no family history would make this more likely. Things like a UTI or heart problems can make a huge change. And if left untreated it can cause permanent changes.
If mom is resistant you need to confront her. Something like...mom I know there is no dementia or memory loss in your family but lately you are acting strangely. Lets get to your doctor to see if something is going on. Please don't wait.
TroJan; We have her will/POA/healthcare proxy in place already. She's very thorough about that type of thing.
Shur, I started keeping a calendar of events with her while back but stopped. Good reminder to get that going again, thank you.
Usually early onset dementia stems from a type of heart problem or stroke or some type of major illness or injury. She's had nothing of the sort. Healthy as a horse she calls herself. Besides that she's seen by her doctor every 3 months for blood workup for her blood pressure. And, I know they barage her with questions when she's in. Course sometimes she lies to them about certain things!
I am going to do what you say and follow up with the calendar and see just how often this is happening. I am going to ask her to go with her to her next dr's appt and talk to the nurse on the side. there are a lot of medications out there that will stave off early onset dementia. I'll want to get her protected as soon as possible.
Gosh, I can't imagine if it ever came to a time that she wouldn't know me. I think I'd die of heartbreak there alone! And my worst fear is that my husband and I can not run our business unless I'm here in the store running things. If I can't take care of her at home anymore; I don't know what I'll do because I can't bare to put her in a nursing home. That would kill me.
Listen to me here.... she goes; I go apparently......
I already do her checkbook almost every other month. If she is off by 2 pennies, she's all upset. I know she's forgotten to write in a check here and there and she's transposed #'s on occasion.
As far as her general health; she usually always tells me if she has something wrong with her. She's never sick; ever! Unless she's hiding something from me; that hadn't entered my mind.
I have noticed her cooking skills are not there anymore. I've never seen such a mess in the kitchen when she cooks. Uses wrong utensils for certain jobs; wrong ingredients at times. And the clean up afterwards, well, we won't get into that mess.
I guess I've just ignored signs for a while. Better get a handle around this.
God bless
Now we decided to make some tacos for dinner; she takes out the hamburg, puts it in the pan and takes out a tiny cheese spread knife to chop it up in the pan. I said, Ma what are you using there and she said, never mind what I'm using; I'm making this. Okay. After about 5 minutes I walked over to her and the pan and she said, give me the spices the hamburg is ready. The hamburg was still pink all over the place. I said, this isn't done yet; she immediately got defensive. It became an argument because she thought it was done. "That" is not how she cooked ever in the past. So what is it????? How do you play scrabble like that and then digress to that quickly...
If it is new, I'd see if she is getting enough fluids, or has some hidden infection causing this problem. It could even be malnutrition if her taste buds have changed she may not be eating enough of a varied diet to actually support her brain really well.
I'd try some vitamins too. She may just need extra support from a multi vit.
Otherwise, I'd go to the doc with her and ask him telling him about these forgetful things.
Also it doesn't hurt to get a cat scan on her to rule out brain tumor. That is what my mom has a brain tumor that has been growing for 20years. Until we found out there were no signs until those thing began to show themselves yrs later. That is not to imply say your mother has one but it doesn't hurt to get it ruled out if this begins to escalate..
God bless
Interesting what stays in the brain when many other abilities have long departed!
mu dad often does not know us. Sometimes he cant find his way to the bathroom. He can never remember what he has had to eat or what day it is. He cant handle his finances any more ....
BUT!!! I found a list of story problems he solved in high school and read them to him. He could still give the right answers to almost all of them!
Even normal memory will tend to fade in reverse order to learned.
That is why people who emigrated to another country will stop remembering the second language while still speaking the first perfeclty.
It is those hardened nerve pathways that tend to fade last.
Maybe that is why we all forget where we parked the car while still remembering that nasty thing sis did to us in grade school.
Isn't aging so much fun.
Funny thing about vascular dementia is that the symptoms can come and go. One minute ou are ready to lock them away and the next they are perfectly fine.
Get mom to the doctor immediately.
Mom keeps a calendar and writes herself notes on stickies, placing them all over the house. This is her coping strategy. At first I didn't say anything when I was asked the same question several times within a short period of time...an hour. That backfired on me, because she didn't realize she had memory issues and argued with me and the doctor. The doctor sent her for testing at our rehab hospital. It was a very thorough testing, lasting 3 hours. The results? The psycologist said she was very smart, scoring in the 95%(she liked that part of the diagnosis), but memory was only 5%. She was started on Aricept. She was also tested for vitamin B deficiency, and was started on vitamin B12 shots.
Mom still pays her own bills, lives on her own (a few blocks away from us), but eats dinner each evening with us. There came a time with Dad, that he tossed his checkbook on the table in front of mom, saying that numbers made no sense to him any more. He knew what was happening to him.
Not sure that any of this helps you, but to let you know that while meds don't correct, or fix, memory issues, they can slow down the progression. So I would talk to doctor sooner, than later.