I am so sorry for your situation. It is heartbreaking to say the least.

If you could get her to go to the Dr, its possible that she would benefit from some of the medications that are available now for dementia. My Dad was not as bad with his issues as your Mother is but he responded very well to Aricept and Namenda. Both of these are used for dementia and even Alzheimers disease. There may be more meds that are helpful too that I am not aware of so it would really be beneficial if you could get her to go in and see the Dr.

Can you call her Dr and talk to them at least so they can be aware of how bad she is with this issue? I would certainly try that if there was nothing else I felt that I could do.

Maybe and I know its not the normal thing, but once you give the Dr a heads up on what is going on with her, they might be able to call her and just tell her that its time for a check up or something to get her to agree to go in. That way it does not appear that you made her an appt. I know its not all on the up and up but its to her benefit if you could do this.

I wish you the best in whatever you do in order to help your Mother. Its such a difficult time of your life that no one can prepare you for and my heart goes out to you as I have already gone through this twice and am involved doing it with my Dad now.

Remember to take care of yourself or you will not be able to help her very much. I know its sounds selfish but it really isn't. It's the practical way to go about taking on your new roll as the parent of a parent.

And please do keep us posted as we do care and are willing to offer any help we can.

Hello gamgam, your kindness is appreciated, and your insight is always welcome. I have scheduled a medical appt. for mom, but she is furious about it. My concern is that she may not go, and I cannot force her. Her biggest fear is that the doctor will force her to take meds, which she is strongly opposed to. She also refuses to take the medication that was prescribed for other health reasons. Her nurse is concerned about this, but mom is stubborn, and unyielding.

I will keep you updated on this situation, as I continue hoping for the best. Thanks again. :)

You mentioned her nurse. Does she have home health care?? If she does, then the nurse will be sending reports (or is suppose to) to the Dr.

If your Mom refuses to go to the Dr, I would keep the appt so you can discuss the situation with him. If she is at a point that she is not safe, then its his responsibility to help you help her. Hope that did not sound too confusing:)

Now I need to share something funny with you about dementia. I mean its always a sad situation so I am not making light of it at all here but its a heartfelt little story that happened and hope it will give you a little giggle.

A few years back my sisters and I went to visit our Aunt who was the only sibling still alive from our Mom's generation. She could get around her house well and was doing pretty good and several of her children were close by and checked on her often throughout the day. Her memory was pretty much gone when it came to people. She still knew her children and grandchildren which was good and she was happy. I know often people with Alheimers get moody and angry but she was not that way at all.

Anyway, we went up to the door and she opened it welcomed us in with her usual warm smile and was so proud to see us as it had been awhile since she had seen all of us together.

We were in her living room and she was telling us about what new great grands, etc. she had and how she was doing and we thought, wow, she really is doing great!

Her daughter that lived a couple of doors down saw a strange car at her house and she called her Mom to ask who was there. Apparently, when company would show up and they did not know the car they would call and she would tell them who was there and they knew everything was alright.

Anyway, I hope I am not boring you with making this so long but needed to fill you in a bit on the situation.

So my Aunt Margie answers the phone and talks to her daughter, Carolyn, for a minute about stuff in general and then Carolyn asks her who is visiting with her. We can tell by the way she is acting on the phone and she is looking at each one of us an studying our faces. She does this for a few seconds and then starts giggling and says "Your kin and mine"!!

God bless her, she could not figure out who we were but she did know we were "kin" and that tickled us so much! I still think about that often as my Aunt Margie passed away about a year after that visit. But that memory of our visit with her was priceless to us.

Since then, I have lost my sister that lived in FL at the age of 53. She is missed terribly as she was my soulmate. But we shared so many things and I do have many happy memories but they do not take away the loneliness I feel for her....often.

I hope my little story gives you a little lift. Its hard when memory becomes the issue especially when the person is not easily convinsed that they should do certain things to help themselves.

Take care my friend and remember to care for yourself in all this:)

Thanks for sharing that sweet story about your Aunt Margie. It made me smile, and giggle. I'm happy that you have fond memories of both your Aunt, and your sister.

Mom does have a visiting home nurse, whom she rarely allows into her home. Last week the nurse made arrangements to visit with her, but mom left home, just to avoid the nurse. The nurse called to inform me, and I appologized. I find myself appologizing often for my mother's rude behavior, but the professionals seem to understand, where as, others tend to hold grudges against her.

I plan to be with her during her medical appt, so that I can understand firsthand what's going on regarding her health. I also plan to ask questions, and express my concerns. If she backs out at the last minute, I'll try to meet with the doctor on my own.

It's been extremely tough, but I have a strong faith in God, and He's enabling me to look after mom as best I can. My sense of humor helps too. lol

She still drives by herself?? Does she ever forget her way home, etc.?

Wow, you do have your hands full with her behavior and I feel for you. Its so hard to deal with a situation like this as you still want her to maintain her dignity but at the same time its important to be sure she is safe.

I think you are wise to keep the appt with the Dr even if she does not. You need more info on just how to handle this to best benefit your Mother. If you do not feel like you get what you need from her Dr, do not hesitate to consult another one on your own that deals with dementia issues just so you can be aware of what you can and can't do when it comes to her care.

Keep me posted and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you gamgam. :)

Yes, mom still lives independently, but has never forgotten her address.