Most of us on this board have been through something similar.

Sorry about your Mom. I'm sure she is very scared and fears she is not long for this world.

This may seem like an oversimplification but as I see I t you basically have two choices.

You can stick it out or you can get some help and go back home.

If you decide to stick it out you need to have some heart to heart talks with your mom. Tell her you want your time together to be pleasant and not at each other's throats.

Encourage her to do what she can for herself as this will make you both feel better

I am so sorry for all you are going through.

Is your mom eligible for some in-home care? Getting some skilled care to come in can be a HUGE help. They can help train you in the ins and outs of caring for a person getting chemo treatment.

But be careful, skilled care is different from companion care. Companion care is often a person just like "us here", but with background checks, some training (less than some of us, more than others of us), and gets paid.

Gentle hugs

Fehrenbach; has her Oncologist spoken to you or anyone in the family about the types of pain your mother could be experiencing? The elderly loose nerve cells as they get older. The ones that they do have left don't work properly so she may be experiencing nerve pain from the damage of the chemotherapy. There's a number of different sides effects from the treatment that could be causing her personality to become demanding and unreasonable at times.

This isn't an easy diagnosis for her or anyone else in the family, especially for the caregiver. I can understand your feelings of flight. Sometimes we all take out our grievances on the person that's directly in our line of sight. (I know I have... I hate to admit that).....

Do you have any resources to help you such as what Pepper suggests? There should be visiting nurses coming in to check on her.

My mother isn't ill but she does have me under her microscope sometimes. She's like a bird of prey sitting on her perch just waiting for me to walk by so she can pounce. It's not a fun place to be.

I hope your mother makes a full recovery soon and you and family find some peace of mind.

Sincerely, PD

My mother is the same way, and I know how it can get to you when you know they can do some things for themselves but don't want to. I think when they are like that, they have a strong need to control something or someone, because their own lives and bodies are so out of control, so unfortunatetly we are the ones that become controlled. I know it's tough, but hang in there and see if you can find a social worker to vent to, or come here and vent. Sometimes as care givers we need to have someone else to talk to as we are stressed to the max at times. Sorry about your mom's illness, must be tough on both of you.

Thanks for having the courage to say this. I, too, am finding that my Mom and I are getting on each other's nerves. I agree that Mom may be in pain. frightened, or just needing to control something-a child who is trying to help-when everything else is out of control.
I'm finding that the best thing to do is just take a break when I need one. I try to resist the urge to let Mom know all my plans, or ask for Mom's approval to take time for myself.

I believe that a huge part about peer support is having the freedom to express our thoughts. Sometimes the best time to do this is when our feelings are raw, let them out without a lot of filtering. There will be a mixture of empathy, selfishness, courage, fear, knowledge and shooting from the hip.

As we sort through our feelings, and get (non judgmental) input from others we can then start to map our way through our journey.

In order to endure it is to understand the disease your mother is dealing with and understanding looking through her eyes! Reading up on what to expect and what she is enduring! The more educated you are on your mothers disease the more power you have to endure it with her!

If this reply is deleted I will repost it again!

Thanks for all of your advice,

My Mother, age 87, drives me crazy! She won't stop talking. She goes on and on about people and things I don't know or care about. She interrupts everything I do and demands that I stop, look, and listen. It makes me want to stay in my room all day.

It is very important to set time aside for yourself and set limitations on the parent's behavior.

That will make the time the dying or older person has left much more pleasant for everyone