when mom has emotional outbursts and become confused try to find what caused her confusion in the first place it could be anything it could be what was said or how it was said? redirect mom on to something more calming if it is a subject change the subject back off from her what is happening at the moment allow some time to pass.
allow her to regain her thinking process if we put to much information at them they become confused make things simply for her so she does not have to try to process all the details.........

hope this may help guide you on you journey with mom
god bless you

First you need to change yourself. I'm also a do-er and want the most direct fix to everything. But this doesn't work with elderly people, especially those with dementia. Their brains just can't process all the info and they get frustrated and upset. So you need to recognize this in yourself and adjust.

Shur1 makes a good point about redirection. You can't explain things to them or get them to change their mind, but you can redirect their thoughts. Instead of arguing about whether great-grandma was a doctor turn the conversation to the pretty flowers outside or the weather or what's for dinner.

Also consider that mom is going to lose her ability to make decisions. Simple things like which shoes to wear will become a major crisis. So as that happens begin to take away the choices. Many people lay out clothes. Remove excess items from the kitchen and bath.

And if she is willing have someone take over her finances and paperwork. You mention your brother. Has your mom taken care of the legal issues like appointing a POA and doing DNR and other medical orders? And making a will and appointing an executor? If not it is important to do this immediately. She needs to do this while she can be considered competent and she should feel that she made the decisions. It also might be a good idea for her to handwrite her wishes so that if she later questions why xxx is taking care of things you can show her what she wrote.

One last thought....whatever she decides about her affairs make sure that all members of the family are aware and in agreement (or at least understanding). THis will help to minimize the upset as time goes on. It's really important that all children are on the same page and that everyone is kept in the loop. Emails are a great way to communicate while making sure that everyone hears the same thing. Playing "telephone" will only cause heartache.

Sam E works really good. It'll take up to two weeks to see a difference but I used for situational depression and it did the job just fine. You've gotten some excellent advice on here. I wish you the best.

Thank you all. I read this to a friend./nurse just now. We are looking into keeping mom stable through all her changes.
There has been some improvement in her sleep. Less worry and better sense of self. Rest alone has been key.
I am trying to figure out how to "inform" my siblings about changes she wishes to make concerning beneficiaries. My brother really went off on her by phone and questioned her competency. She passed the basic tests. Like the type after a stroke. Recall about little things are harder. She is mad at my brother now. Thinks he is haughty and cant be trusted. Maybe so since he is an atty and was rude to her recently.

Sigh. I have to just learn to count to 10 (slowly) to keep my mouth from reacting to whims. The thing is that I am use to Mom being very capable. And she is still, to a point. So, hard to adjust. Not sure what to do to develop more patients and listening skill.
Seems this is a common break down for many.

Thank you again.

Hugs to all

I would leave the legal stuff to an attorney. Since your brother is an attorney it would be best to use an elder attorney to handle things. If he questions this you can nicely say "we don't want to impose on you and we know you wouldn't want there to be a conflict of interest if you handled things". Guaranteed to shut him up!! Once all the paperwork is done I would have the elder attorney host a meeting with all the children and your mom so he can explain her wishes.

If you are going to be her primary caregiver I would suggest sending out group emails on a regular basis. Monthly might be enough at first and then weekly and even daily as things progress. Make them information and try not to put your feelings into them. List doctor appointments, medication changes, changes in mom's behavior and any incidents. Also include anything financial. Like we changed banks or insurance. Any big purchases or gifts. All this may not be their business but will prevent arguments later on when someone wants to know where mom's money went or why something happened.

You might want to join a local caregivers group. Also check out the Alzheimers Disease group here on DS. The best ideas come from people who are dealing with the same thing.

All the input is simply amazing here. I truly appreciate the help here.
Once again, I am so relieved to be getting things out of my head, off my chest, and among those who have similar interests and obligations.
Thank you all!

Hugs