So sorry to hear how you're feeling. My mother does the same things to me. She tortures herself with her fears. There's nothing I can do about it. I've only recently learned not to let it get me upset too.

You can't change her but you can change how you react. Try not to get sucked into her way of thinking.

I've been told that I am more upset thinking about how upset she is. She is actually not suffering as much as I think she is. This helps me to deal with her negativity. I think my mom is only happy if she is worried about something! I've seen her change instantly from terror to pleasant when she gets a phone call.

Let her talk to others if this makes her happy. It's hard as their children not to be affected by their sad, scary thoughts. When you're told about it see it for what it is, her way of coping.

Don't waste your time worrying about what will be and enjoy now.

Smiles and Hugs!

I guess when you are 92 and not feeling well, it would be normal to think about death and dying. Doesn't make it easy on the rest of the family, but for the person who is not well, it probably seems like that is the next step in life - death.

Is is possible to have a therapist talk with her? When I was in hospice work, that is one of the topics we could talk about with the patients if they wanted too.

However, is your Mom healthy enough to be distracted by a good movie, music or art therapy? How about some visitors that could play cards or hold a strong conversation about something she is interested in. Not knowing your situation totally, but I am just thinking that a lot of people coming to visit her, maybe with some treats and conversation, could be good for her and you.

Hope things get better.

I think that MoreSmiles said it best, work on how you react. Perhaps you can talk to her doctor and find out how healthy she is; as in just how close to death she is. Most doctors do not want to give an opinion about that topic, so you can ask if your mom is a candidate for hospice.

(From what I have learned, to be a candidate for hospice one must be within 12 months of death if untreated for the conditions one has. I know it is more involved than that, but this is what I took away from discussions with mom's doctors.)

Once you have armed yourself with this information you can then go about helping yourself react. Knowing that she is not a candidate for hospice can help you react. If she is a candidate then that is another ball game.

I would suggest you do some reading on "highly sensitive people" and empaths. I think you would find it helpful in dealing with what you are feeling these days.

And you also don't have to answer the phone when ppl keep calling and wanting you to "do something about it."

Keep practicing saying no!

I'm sorry...I keep thinking everyone knows the rest of the story...Mom is 79 and has cancer...and I am sure that is where her fears are coming from. Her oncologist says she may have several years yet. She IS on hospice, but they made it clear to us that it is not because she is at death's door, but because the social worker that had been monitoring her noticed changes....weight loss (she says she has no appetite), and severe depression. Hospice is involved because her diagnosis is terminal, but death is not impending right now. They were actually hoping that with their involvement, she would become stronger and not need Hospice at some point. But now, everyone agrees that she may waste away from not wanting to eat before the cancer gets that bad. As far as distractions: she is the telephone queen and has lots of conversations with friends. She has never had hobbies and try as i might, i cannot get her interested in anything. Again.....I get that she is scared...heck....I'm scared too. But she has already stopped living, yet she is still here!

Good that hospice is in place just in case.

I also think it is very good she still likes to visit with her phone friends.

That is a pretty good distraction, and a sign she is still "living"somewhat.

The cancer is prolly taking away her bodies ability to digest food so hence the lack of appetite. Old age alone can do this to a person too even without a cancer diagnosis.

Don't forget to do some things that make you feel alive too! HUGS!

It is possible that with an "attitude adjustment" (therapy?) your mother could see that she can have a good quality of life for many months yet to come, but it sounds like she has determined at this point that she does not have a positive quality of life.

Only she can make that determination, and it sounds like she has. And it sounds like she has not reached a conclusion that few (if anybody) agrees with.

Can you get her some more/different therapy?

Hugs