Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
You wont believe this. Mom wants the remaining things of my fathers to be "attended to" and the room painted, by me.
Pushed her around Home store in a wheel chair. 3 hours picking out this and that. Fix this. Do that. All ok really.
She was out, rare, with a relative for 3 hours yesterday. I carefully packed the few remaining items into boxes and bags, emptied two drawers from a dresser and pull all of it neatly in the closet(same room) Even rolled and folded a large area rug so the wooden floor could be cleaned.
Mom was happy to see this and did not realize I would have gotten to it so fast. All ok. Talked about curtains.
This a.m. she realized all the things were in closet. I took things "out place." She was so upset. I could not get one word through to her. I was in shock almost. Big woops and could not stop the rolling train from coming down those tracks. Oh my.
What I can say is that she has been taking xanax to bring her BP down. I dont like it and think she is having a lot of aggitation after is wears off. Of course she says its my being here. How awful I am intruding in her life.
Understand something, if I had included her on all the details of packing and prep work, we would not have a functional work space and my 2 hours would have been many. Mom like to tell you which foot to stand on when reaching in a closet.
Is this about change? Losing control?
I feel like I made a big mistake somewhere. Mishandled somewhere. Or is it bound to be something and just try to let it go?
Pushed her around Home store in a wheel chair. 3 hours picking out this and that. Fix this. Do that. All ok really.
She was out, rare, with a relative for 3 hours yesterday. I carefully packed the few remaining items into boxes and bags, emptied two drawers from a dresser and pull all of it neatly in the closet(same room) Even rolled and folded a large area rug so the wooden floor could be cleaned.
Mom was happy to see this and did not realize I would have gotten to it so fast. All ok. Talked about curtains.
This a.m. she realized all the things were in closet. I took things "out place." She was so upset. I could not get one word through to her. I was in shock almost. Big woops and could not stop the rolling train from coming down those tracks. Oh my.
What I can say is that she has been taking xanax to bring her BP down. I dont like it and think she is having a lot of aggitation after is wears off. Of course she says its my being here. How awful I am intruding in her life.
Understand something, if I had included her on all the details of packing and prep work, we would not have a functional work space and my 2 hours would have been many. Mom like to tell you which foot to stand on when reaching in a closet.
Is this about change? Losing control?
I feel like I made a big mistake somewhere. Mishandled somewhere. Or is it bound to be something and just try to let it go?
Thanks,
Kristin
http://www.agiftofmiles.com
I told her when finished, all could go back. Her replied is no it will never go back the same. I had them arranged exactly as I wanted. Now I will never be able to find anything.
There are maybe 20 items all together. Including a dresser. So, all safe in the same room. I think her reaction has something to do with change. Dad gone. But she was the one deciding that we needed paint, needed to fix the room for a possible out of town guest coming. I am not suggesting anything to her.
He is a control freak of the highest degree and I'm thinking maybe he thought he'd loosen up and ask me to "handle" the task. But after I was almost finished, he realized that he hadn't had any input as to the method used and blew up at me. Just guessing.
Peaceful: At first I felt like I had made a mistake, but after I thought about for awhile, I realized that I hadn't. That his actions were self-motivated, and I was just there when it happened.
Good luck!
I move things to an extra room, ignore her anger. Let her see the pile of stuff for months. Move it at night to my car in the garage and remove it from the house. She doesn't notice.
No matter how you try to anticipate this kind of behavior, you will never get it right and she will be mad. It's not you, it's the way their brain is working, or not working. I think it's easier to kindly do what you need, do it slowly, and ignore the anger and try to calm after the fact. At least it works for years for me.
I'd just let it go. She'll forget quickly and you'll wonder why you got so upset over something she doesn't even remember.
Part of me is sad for the ill person, my parent, that I want to live a happy life, the other part of me is exhausted and needs a nap.
No wonder I feel badly. Sad and exhausted.
So, will work on letting it go.
Thank you for sharing. It is so nice to have someone else to relate to.