Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Looking for ideas to ease my mom's loneliness.
She moved to be near us two years ago, but honestly it isn't working out very well. Mom is semi-housebound, as she has limited mobility and doesn't feel comfortable driving in our congested and unfamiliar city. I try to visit and/or take her out 3 or 4 times a week, but it isn't really enough.
I've suggested groups and activities that I though my mom would enjoy and have offered to arrange transportation. She shoots down my ideas, but then complains how lonely and bored she is.
I really can't do more - I work full time, am married, and want to spend time with my grown kids and grandchildren, as well. My husband resents all the time I spend with my mom, and she complains that it isn't enough. My weekends are miserable.
Mom is now saying she wants to move back (400 miles away) to her hometown, where she knows people and she feels her life is more manageable. Part of me thinks this would be great for her, but the other part of me worries that she'll be just as lonely, and that she'll be stuck without the help she depends on here (getting groceries, getting to the doctor, etc.).
Has anybody worked this out successfully? I'd love to hear your suggestions. :)
She moved to be near us two years ago, but honestly it isn't working out very well. Mom is semi-housebound, as she has limited mobility and doesn't feel comfortable driving in our congested and unfamiliar city. I try to visit and/or take her out 3 or 4 times a week, but it isn't really enough.
I've suggested groups and activities that I though my mom would enjoy and have offered to arrange transportation. She shoots down my ideas, but then complains how lonely and bored she is.
I really can't do more - I work full time, am married, and want to spend time with my grown kids and grandchildren, as well. My husband resents all the time I spend with my mom, and she complains that it isn't enough. My weekends are miserable.
Mom is now saying she wants to move back (400 miles away) to her hometown, where she knows people and she feels her life is more manageable. Part of me thinks this would be great for her, but the other part of me worries that she'll be just as lonely, and that she'll be stuck without the help she depends on here (getting groceries, getting to the doctor, etc.).
Has anybody worked this out successfully? I'd love to hear your suggestions. :)
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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Hope the dog days of summer aren't getting you down!
It works out well for her, it is OK for my wife and me. No regrets, but she does get under my skin from time to time.
They are adults. If she has support there, and wants to go...She should do what she wants. Until they mentally can't deal with things, and physically are in danger, I don't think I have a right to interfere.
Perhaps a trip home to see if it is what she remembers it as....would be an eye opener....obviously she will have to find a place to live...
and I would have every service in the book lined up for her if she does go back.
As for your husband complaining? one day he will need looking after, and then perhaps he will have greater understanding of your time spent with mom. Last year I had both of them ill (luckily in alternating patterns) so they both realized they have to share. (meanwhile, I do get tired)
If she moves, how often will you go see her? I did my 8 hour drive monthly..that is why we moved. I couldn't keep it up.
Then, what's the feasibility of her moving in with you and your family. Very often this solution doesn't work out because if you think she requires a lot of attention now, believe me, it gets worse when they're in your home. And, how would this arrangement affect your family?
It's not an easy situation to be in especially when the elderly parent is looking at their adult child to be their sole source of entertainment and care giving. It's exhausting! At this point, I'd be looking at whatever situation would make life easiest for you and your family.
Moving back 400 miles away from you to appease her now means you will most assuredly get the calls later on that she's bored and lonely there to, she shouldn't have moved so far away etc. etc. Unless there is a solid support system back where she wants to go then she'd be living as close to me as possible to make all the errand runs convenient for me. They have a tendency to forget that we as adult children have lives to and although we love them, we don't need to spend every waking hour providing attention to every whim and every need they have or will dream up!
Look into senior transportation. Volunteers to go grosery shopping. Take seniors to doctor apointments. Or low cost cab rides for seniors, etc.
But there are more things.
If they found themselves on the ground could they stand up on their own?
If the water main sprung a leak, how would they get it fixed?
IF the heater broke, who would they call?
Now that I think about this, I realize that my dad may have been protecting himself from things like this by having me there when he dealt with house repairs. All I did was be there, but I suspect he wanted me to step in if I thought he could not handle it.
Funny how so many old people feel lonely but are unwilling to do anything to make it better.
Could you drag her kicking and screaming to church or senior center?
She might surprise herself and actually have a fun time!