Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
It's so exciting, all the new breakthroughs that allow people to live longer. Now, here's the problem. Some of those living longer are very very sick. Now here's the next problem--so are the people taking care of them.
My mom passed at 69. When she was sick I was a relatively young woman in my early 40s. No high blood pressure and my vision was excellent. I was able to help her. I had more patience too because I didn't have my own health concerns.
Now, flash forward 14 years. I lost my sight due to an eye disease. Yes they were able to restore it, but not to the level it was before. I've ended up twice in a hospital too, possible stroke. Then there's the high blood pressure that is uncontrollable with medication. Which brings me to the medication. It makes me dizzy sometimes.
Now to my father. He expects for me to care for him, be there no matter what. His health is better than mine, but he still expects that I can just hop in a car and come over any time day or night. This isn't possible due to my eye condition. I tried living with him so I can help, but his un-medicated mental condition made it feel like I was living in hell. He tried to get me fired from my job so that I would be there for him. He doesn't care that I am uninsurable without my job. It's all about him which is normal for a bipolar, sociopath.
This brings me back to my original thought. In the old days when people lived to be about 65 and women were home as housewives, it was easy to care for the older. First of all they tended to have less illness. Maybe it was cancer and you cared for them a short time. And since you weren't working and was healthy and younger it was possible to care for your parents.
21st century took that away. We're dealing with dementia, heart disease, etc, all so treatable that they live on. Now the 100 year old is being cared for by an 80 year old. And the quality of life has never been worse. I am praying for a shorter life. I see no reason to carry on in a decaying body, filling the pockets of the medical establishment when I could be singing in Heaven.
My mom passed at 69. When she was sick I was a relatively young woman in my early 40s. No high blood pressure and my vision was excellent. I was able to help her. I had more patience too because I didn't have my own health concerns.
Now, flash forward 14 years. I lost my sight due to an eye disease. Yes they were able to restore it, but not to the level it was before. I've ended up twice in a hospital too, possible stroke. Then there's the high blood pressure that is uncontrollable with medication. Which brings me to the medication. It makes me dizzy sometimes.
Now to my father. He expects for me to care for him, be there no matter what. His health is better than mine, but he still expects that I can just hop in a car and come over any time day or night. This isn't possible due to my eye condition. I tried living with him so I can help, but his un-medicated mental condition made it feel like I was living in hell. He tried to get me fired from my job so that I would be there for him. He doesn't care that I am uninsurable without my job. It's all about him which is normal for a bipolar, sociopath.
This brings me back to my original thought. In the old days when people lived to be about 65 and women were home as housewives, it was easy to care for the older. First of all they tended to have less illness. Maybe it was cancer and you cared for them a short time. And since you weren't working and was healthy and younger it was possible to care for your parents.
21st century took that away. We're dealing with dementia, heart disease, etc, all so treatable that they live on. Now the 100 year old is being cared for by an 80 year old. And the quality of life has never been worse. I am praying for a shorter life. I see no reason to carry on in a decaying body, filling the pockets of the medical establishment when I could be singing in Heaven.
We're all here for you!
Hugs,
Pam
Dad has early dementia and cant understand why mom can no longer be with him and why he cant be home with us. Yet thier hearts are strong and they have no life threatining ilnesses. I often feel like the happy part of my life is over now...... But there is comfort in knowing I am doing the right thing for my parents and keeping them safe.
Hang on!
So here's what I'm saying. I don't want to ever do this to my step-daughter, just so I can hang on to this earth a little longer. My father is a danger to others as his mental state declines. It's not dementia. Instead, he sitting there with guns in his house like a powder keg just waiting to explode. I've contacted lawyers who say I can do nothing. My doctor told me the best I can do is to stay away and block his calls. My father was no way like this three years ago. He was on medication and his condition was controlled on medication. Now, he's the man he was when I was a child. Back then he wasn't on medication either.
So, here's how I feel. I love him but would rather release him to God, then to watch him become a danger to people and even me. He's 85 in November, meaning that he's beyond the life expectancy of the past. I know it sounds cruel to say these things, but I don't think I'm the only one thinking this way.
2 Corinthians 5:6-8 says, Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.
As I believe that a person with mental problems can and will go to Heaven, I see this as a perfect place for him and myself long before decline takes it's evil toll. Inspite of this, I know how much I will miss him.
You scared me there for a minute. I understand completely what you are saying. From years of working with dementia patients; I used to work in Geriatrics, I do know that pre-exisiting mental illness exacerbates any dementia that may also be present. Longevity doesn't help either when all these illnesses mix.
I have seen many family member visits to the dementia wards be literally crushed by the behavior of their loved ones. Not fun to watch; I'm glad I'm not in that environment every day anymore.
It's not easy to have to deal with a difficult parent that refuses help but also wants you there. I feel for you there. It brings back a lot of childhood memories that you probably would rather forget.
I too believe that anyone suffering from mental illness is not refused at the gate when it's their time.
I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I've been in your shoes with my own father and it's not fun. I've had many days towards the end that I would literally shake from the stress and worry.
My prayers are with you my dear. You take care of yourself.
Pam