Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
I haven't been here for a while. Not sure if anyone remembers me or if the people that used to post are still around...
I moved to another country when my dog died. My mum is still in very good health but it was excruciatingly hard moving and the guilt is horrid.
She's here with me now. Second time she visits in 8 months and stayed for 5 weeks. She goes back a week on Tuesday.
I feel terrible seeing her go at the airport. Just writing this is breaking me into bits.
When I left she had (and would still have if she hadn't screwed up) a great support system. Her cousins, same age, also live by themselves used to sleep in the house with her, as she dislikes being alone and has spare rooms.
But on one ocasion a cousin of hers had panic attacks and she told her she couldn't cope. Another had epilepsy crisis and although now under control, she doesn't want her there overnight again.
I did tell my mum that she was more likely to have to help her cousins than the other way round, so she shouldn't be expecting what she couldn't give. And here we are.
I had to leave to find work because every financial "gift" and aid my mum ever gave she then used to make me feel awful. I lost all my self-esteem and dignity. Everyone around said that since she lived with us, it was only normal that she helped us financially.
YET... I worry that she makes no plans for care, I worry that I live far away, I can't move near again as there is no work for my husband and I. And I wouldn't put my husband through the hell of living with my mum again. These 5 weeks have been hard enough on him as it is.
Some days I do lose the will to live though.
She sometimes mocks our busy lives and I keep saying "but I have my dignity back". Not sure if she gets it.
I moved to another country when my dog died. My mum is still in very good health but it was excruciatingly hard moving and the guilt is horrid.
She's here with me now. Second time she visits in 8 months and stayed for 5 weeks. She goes back a week on Tuesday.
I feel terrible seeing her go at the airport. Just writing this is breaking me into bits.
When I left she had (and would still have if she hadn't screwed up) a great support system. Her cousins, same age, also live by themselves used to sleep in the house with her, as she dislikes being alone and has spare rooms.
But on one ocasion a cousin of hers had panic attacks and she told her she couldn't cope. Another had epilepsy crisis and although now under control, she doesn't want her there overnight again.
I did tell my mum that she was more likely to have to help her cousins than the other way round, so she shouldn't be expecting what she couldn't give. And here we are.
I had to leave to find work because every financial "gift" and aid my mum ever gave she then used to make me feel awful. I lost all my self-esteem and dignity. Everyone around said that since she lived with us, it was only normal that she helped us financially.
YET... I worry that she makes no plans for care, I worry that I live far away, I can't move near again as there is no work for my husband and I. And I wouldn't put my husband through the hell of living with my mum again. These 5 weeks have been hard enough on him as it is.
Some days I do lose the will to live though.
She sometimes mocks our busy lives and I keep saying "but I have my dignity back". Not sure if she gets it.
Big hugs
And BTW, great job at moving away and building your self image!!! That is a HUGE thing to have done!!! As she makes her hurtful statements just remind yourself that she is only trying to get you back under her thumb.
I remember one time my mother gave me a big lecture (that left me curled up into a ball for two days straight, wanting to die) that my friends had turned me against her.
Yes, they'd tried to alert me for same things as you, although I never told her. But slowly, I changed to the point of getting away and move to another country.
You guys have to be right because on more than one occasion she encouraged me to leave my job because my health comes first - coming from her it almost sounds funny.