Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Some days it is constant chatter about non-sense from Mom, well you know. It does not sound very polite and I would not say this to anyone otherwise.
I tune out. Being a musician gives me instant recall of music like a recording.
It has its good points, however, tuning out is a bad habit.
So, I have been trying to listen more to Mom. Whoa!! The confusion of topics running together. Dates somewhat mixed. Math still sharp and cross-word puzzle in 20mins or less. What an odd cognitive combination.
What came out clearly were the events surrounding her maternal grandparents. She explained briefly that her grandpa had hardening of the arteries and went to ?? to live. Just before this Mom took them(g-parents) in for the winter because it would be too hard for them to manage all alone. Dairy farm all self sustaining. They sold off the animals. Later auctioned the farm. My heart is still heavy about this. I wasnt born yet but see the sadness in Moms eyes. A 135 acre daily farm with no electricity. Milk twice per day and the glass jars cleaned boiled in water on a cook stove (coal etc..). Canning milk and selling locally on a delivery route grandma had. Barter too for other goods local growers had. Near Canada in cold weather most of the year. Just blows my mind. Especially knowing Mom...a city slicker!!!
My Mom has hardening of the arteries too. Hence, much of the dementia.
While she is bringing up her childhood, and my Dad, it tells me she is looking at her changes . Maybe anticipating her end of life.
Glad to have tuned in and hope I didn't miss a lot. I know it will be hard when she is not here to ask her about the old days.
Humbly,
P
I tune out. Being a musician gives me instant recall of music like a recording.
It has its good points, however, tuning out is a bad habit.
So, I have been trying to listen more to Mom. Whoa!! The confusion of topics running together. Dates somewhat mixed. Math still sharp and cross-word puzzle in 20mins or less. What an odd cognitive combination.
What came out clearly were the events surrounding her maternal grandparents. She explained briefly that her grandpa had hardening of the arteries and went to ?? to live. Just before this Mom took them(g-parents) in for the winter because it would be too hard for them to manage all alone. Dairy farm all self sustaining. They sold off the animals. Later auctioned the farm. My heart is still heavy about this. I wasnt born yet but see the sadness in Moms eyes. A 135 acre daily farm with no electricity. Milk twice per day and the glass jars cleaned boiled in water on a cook stove (coal etc..). Canning milk and selling locally on a delivery route grandma had. Barter too for other goods local growers had. Near Canada in cold weather most of the year. Just blows my mind. Especially knowing Mom...a city slicker!!!
My Mom has hardening of the arteries too. Hence, much of the dementia.
While she is bringing up her childhood, and my Dad, it tells me she is looking at her changes . Maybe anticipating her end of life.
Glad to have tuned in and hope I didn't miss a lot. I know it will be hard when she is not here to ask her about the old days.
Humbly,
P
What she is missing is the executive portion of the brain that puts things in order. And of course the newer memory.
This is why photos from long ago are comforting while snapshots from last year are upsetting. What I can suggest is writing down some of these stories. Or if mom will allow record them. You may also find, like I did , that things that troubled her in her past will come to the surface. Let her talk them out and maybe offer a new perspective.
And don't feel bad about the tuning out. This is your coping mechanism...we all do it.
Another one was always waiting for the bell to ring so she could take her break from her job (some type of factory work)................
I, myself, find that as I as and my health gets worse..........memories long forgotten seem to be surfacing.................yet I can't remember what I ate yesterday unless I really think hard about it................
Such is life, I guess................
Cherish your moments:):)
I have already suffered 60 + years of being probed, prodded and lied to. I am not spending my "golden years" struggling in a facility where they can't make gluten free meals, OR worse, feed me gluten and make me sick and starve to death - that is torture.
If it comes to a point where I have to totally trust staff for my GF foods, I am walking into the woods and sitting by a tree to wait for an angel of God to come take me home.
Perhaps Celiac will be recognized and treated with more respect by then. But I am tired of the constant battle to get people to understand how serious this disease is and being told about the "easy" solutions.
My brother is painting his basement. My brother did put mom's microwave plugged in.. He did move the stove to plug it in. Not talking to mom any more this week..
Still have the problem and so much to cut out. Gluten Free helps a lot.
And low sulfur (garlic..etc) intake. Stress makes it so much worse and gut pain is awful. I can only imagine what you must go through.
My sister wants to go to the woods under a tree and give herself to mother earth at age 60. Because she is suffering in many ways. She has a couple years to go now. So I am wondering, is there a book or something, spiritual practice that ends life this way? Just curious that your words read like hers and maybe you read something in common.
It is quite an eye and ear opener as you might imagine(?).
Mary, if the senior living center is a viable option then maybe it is time.
It may not stop the complaining and all but she will have what she needs which puts things in a better light. It is a lot of effort to soothe and
keep the parent on an even Kiel. I have never disputed this.
If you all followed what I was reading and learning about the medicare and LTC insurance then you may understand that it is too soon to use what assets my Mom has for care. My Dad probably set things up knowing it would keep them out as long as possible. Because they would have control of assets and be able to pay for their upkeep in their home they way they wanted. We have a lot of cancer in our family so Mom has that insurance but no LTC or dental ins.
I will have LTC if nothing else. No way do I want to do "this" to anyone else. Not to mention, the blood relatives are not exactly chiming in and helping with my Mom. They would be terrible at caring. No staying power in the least. They never take time to listen.
P
I have PTSD and with that comes dementia problems from the hippocampus becoming shriveled up over the years from too much cortisol/adrenaline in the system. In the aging brain, the short term memory wanes (shriveled hippocampus cannot store "today" into long term storage), the already formed memories from long ago can pull up abusive memories from the past. Those with PTSD get to live the war all over again.
Calming down the system through SSRIs can help the hippocampus unshrivel and regrow. I am 66, so do everything possible to work within my aging self-care plan as put together by my psychiatrist, therapist and medical doctor. I don't want to live my abusive past again. My psychiatrist says she will do everything she can for me medically to chemically help my brain not get stuck. Meanwhile, she has me doing lovingkindness mindful medication, which has helped a lot. My meds are working. And life is good.
In Oregon there is dignity death put into law for those having a terminal illness with 6 months to live. Rather than face a horrible ending per the disease, people have access to a prescription that gives them an easier and quicker death. Many have family around at the end who later testify how loving and kind their elder's decision was in the end. No regrets. Most of the cases I have read have been for ALS, cancer, MS, etc. and not for dementia because the elder has to be cognizant of their decision 6 month prior to death.
I want to be in a nursing home at the end for my PTSD. I don't want my family to watch me in the meltdowns and have told them so. I want them to watch over the facility (check the state reports, be an advocate), visit me on the good days, but not come into the room when I am facing terror from my childhood revisiting. Meanwhile, I have a state registered Do Not Resuscitate form filled out and have notified everyone in the loop. My family knows NOT to bring me back. One death is enough. And in this case provides me with the dignity I need to "save myself" for more bad endings.
My sister has terror from her past and struggles to maintain the doctors, meds, and balance life with bi polar disease. When she is off meds she faces so many things. Awful things and not able to bring life together on her own. So so sad to watch a school teacher with nothing but love for the children wind down to being unable to work.
I did not know about Oregon and the end of life practices. This sounds very honest compared with how many will O.D. on morphine to get away from the pain.
Thank you for explaining the aspect of anatomy with PTSD and how it was effected now treated.
Regards,
P
With everything we're all going through, we still find things to laugh about or joke about.
Sunny, I don't think there's a product out there that doesn't have gluten in it. I'm being facetious here but my sister in law at one time was diagnosed with it and I found it very painful to find products and recipes that suited her needs.
Trojan; that was the funniest comeback to Tigg's comment I've seen in awhile. Just too funny!
Jazz, you have my favorite saying; Just Shoot Me!
Tigg, you're always right on target.
Debbear, You're just the "beary best"
If I've missed anyone else, you're all the best!