Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Is anyone living with and caring for parent(s) feeling as though your life is on hold until your duties are carried out??
I feel so awkward to write such a thing. Because, I have always taken care of mom and dad, but now that it is necessary to move in, things have sooo changed.
Dad is gone now, Mom (84) dementia and heart issues, very capable but only with the assistance of our support. She is afraid of the dark so we are home at night. During the day, all kinds of demands are made. It is about control. One of my brothers warned me how controlling her parents were. It was like a "watch out..." thing to say. Oh, of course he lives in a different part of the US. In fact, all the brothers do. Sister disabled and her children too. I am the ONLY one who can carry out my parents last wish....live and die at home.
Recently, I was made POA. That is when things got tough. Paranoia is a genetic make up in our family!! That said, the POA was hidden, by Mom, for me to find should something happen. (hope you are laughing because I had to when she told me...still looking for it as I clean...copy at bank though).
A few weeks ago, while my computer was idle with a virus that no one knew what to do with, I sat and thought about how my life has become on hold. I do nothing to the beat of my own drummer anymore. My partner and I are now best friends with an occasional kiss, my dogs want to run and romp but are forced to abide by city rules, on leash and poop accounted for. My belongings are in a storage place, my home(not moms hoouse) is neglected and rumor has it that there are people wandering around on my property with 4 wheelers or hunting. I am a mess of frustration and unhappiness. I don't have the nerve to turn back on my promises to Dad and Mom. I just need to balance that responsibility with my needs so that it is not a burden. To antone!! Or something hurtful to Mom. She thinks she is generous to have given us a garage to live in!!
I hope you understand that humor has been my mode of releasing so much frustration. I am just about to laugh my last laugh and hoping someone who goes through this will share something so I do not have to carry on so indefinatley alone.
Any Thoughts??
I feel so awkward to write such a thing. Because, I have always taken care of mom and dad, but now that it is necessary to move in, things have sooo changed.
Dad is gone now, Mom (84) dementia and heart issues, very capable but only with the assistance of our support. She is afraid of the dark so we are home at night. During the day, all kinds of demands are made. It is about control. One of my brothers warned me how controlling her parents were. It was like a "watch out..." thing to say. Oh, of course he lives in a different part of the US. In fact, all the brothers do. Sister disabled and her children too. I am the ONLY one who can carry out my parents last wish....live and die at home.
Recently, I was made POA. That is when things got tough. Paranoia is a genetic make up in our family!! That said, the POA was hidden, by Mom, for me to find should something happen. (hope you are laughing because I had to when she told me...still looking for it as I clean...copy at bank though).
A few weeks ago, while my computer was idle with a virus that no one knew what to do with, I sat and thought about how my life has become on hold. I do nothing to the beat of my own drummer anymore. My partner and I are now best friends with an occasional kiss, my dogs want to run and romp but are forced to abide by city rules, on leash and poop accounted for. My belongings are in a storage place, my home(not moms hoouse) is neglected and rumor has it that there are people wandering around on my property with 4 wheelers or hunting. I am a mess of frustration and unhappiness. I don't have the nerve to turn back on my promises to Dad and Mom. I just need to balance that responsibility with my needs so that it is not a burden. To antone!! Or something hurtful to Mom. She thinks she is generous to have given us a garage to live in!!
I hope you understand that humor has been my mode of releasing so much frustration. I am just about to laugh my last laugh and hoping someone who goes through this will share something so I do not have to carry on so indefinatley alone.
Any Thoughts??
I just love Mum now, Mum doesnt demand anymore and she is more like a giant baby these days. Although in my just stuck days the thought of getting out of bed was NOOOOOOOO!!!
I dont mind putting my life on hold now, cause I know I will just run to the jungle or go on a cruise oneday when I am Mumless. Mum needs me now. And I wouldnt be here if it wasnt for her.
What about getting your Mother in a Day Centre, will give you some time to your self. Yeah your time, Usually just so tired you sleep and dont enjoy....lol
Its pretty bloody hard sometimes, and I really feel for ya.
What is it with men, mine just wasnt around at all for me when Mum came to live with me. We too are just friends now. ha ha Maybe see once a year at the shops. hahaha
I dont like that ppl are on your property hunting or whatever. Can you rent it out to someone while your not there, or can your Mother move in with you?
My Mothers house is still sitting empty and my family will sell it soon, (i think) They wanted me to move in to Mums house but I dont like that area so I just brought her home with me and it has worked out well, except my house is so crowded with frames and seats and walkers and stuff.Stuff Stuff Stuff!!!! Arrrrhhhh!! I am sleeping on the floor in a swag as Mum has my bed. lol Mum has beds at her place but to do anything isnt easy when have your Mum.....I hope you find heaps of ppl out there in your shoes. Ps I just loved reading your story sorry but I laughed.....lol
With dad always around and getting more and more needy each day it's hard to get physical, urgh... Were both in chronic pain he keeps going. All I can manage to do is doctor visits, cooking some, errands, meds, bills for all of us, lol. I balance 5 bank accounts, man I'm exhausted. I look forward to talking to you soon. Hang in there. Oh and notify the PD about trespassers or rent out your home for awhile.
Hugs, Marci
I know its not easy, but amongst all the ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHSS that we have, we also have to find some humour in things or we would go mad!! My mom at this stage, doesn't really communicate. So, when I do hear the occasionaly " i love you Lina" Everything just falls into place. I am on my way to the states in 2 weeks time, to stay for a few months. I too, have a husband that has been putting up a good front with me having to leave...I figure maybe by october or so, we will be able just to snuggle for awhile.
In all lives struggles, we find a way. Just when things look the bleakest...the page turns, and a new chapter begins.
Hugs to ya! Just know there are others out here that feel your emotions as well....
Linda