Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Practically every phone call from mom lately is request to make phone calls to solve problem, potential problem or tell me about problem. I'm trying not to let my life revolve around mom. But it's hard. In between phone. calls I am buying her stuff and mailing it. Worring if what I bought is a big enough size, (she needs it right now) if the type of thing I bought will work for her, if the stamps will get there before she has to pay her bill,etc. For the phone calls I sometime worry about her responce to what I tell about the phone calls. Or the stress of telling her what they said and her getting upset and telling me to call again and tell them more information or whatever to get the subject cleared up, etc.
I know I should have my own life but its hard to stop thinking about mom when ther is one problem after another.
Barbara
I know I should have my own life but its hard to stop thinking about mom when ther is one problem after another.
Barbara
do the best you can do and let it go.
I make a list, and I have set days or times to do stuff for mom...and I make time for my own life.
I have a son who is recovered from other problems, and I learned then that worry only tainted the whole rest of my life.
I just try to live in the moment, and do the best i can.
Lack of forethought on your part does not create an emergency on my part.
Or words to that effect. He meant that if we waited until the last minute to ask for something, he did not consider that to be an emergency on his part.
I assume from what you've said that your mother is at a distance or you can't be with her all the time since you're sending her things.
We can all say "All you can do is your best," and as true as that is, it's easy to say and hard to digest. I think the key is, you have to not take it personally if something is wrong or the timing is off. You try so hard, and yet it's not good enough, fast enough or right, which naturally is a big disappointment for you.
Mine wants everything NOW also, and I have to see her every day. It's probably easier on me in the sense that I got really sick of the impatience really fast. It's not like I'm dealing well with mine, but there will come a point when you will set limits and realize that it's her, not you. I know it's your mother, but constantly making you feel what you're doing is not good enough IS a form of abuse.
You might have to take over her bills for her if she's having difficulty or you have to straighten things out for her all the time.
You also might have to get to a point where you limit her phone calls to you. Before all this stuff recently happened, mine would go through periods where she'd call ten times a day and I told her finally that I wasn't going to answer them all. She still tried for a while.
Hang in there. You'll do it when you get to the point that you have to for your sanity.
First; hugs. I feel your pain. I lived it for 5 years with my parents. Mom had lymphoma and dementia, bless her sweet soul, and no trouble at all.
For me, it was dad. I framed it this way, and I don't know if it will be helpful or not, but it was for me: Your mom has unrealistic expectations. She is not living in her real world, but in a world that was, or what she wishes it were. Things changed. She did not, and is still trying to do things as she always did. It is not that time anymore. And the hardest part is her realizing that, and she may never.
There also is a chance that she feels like she is "losing it" - mentally and is fighting it so i would talk to her doctor.
Take a deep breath. It is not your job to make your mother happy. It is your job to see to it she is taken care of.
You should not try to do everything. I know, I was there, and it took a LOT of self talk to get me to the point that I realized that I had to fit my own life in there somewhere!
They are both gone now, dad's service is Thursday, mom's was last month. I hate to say it but it does not get easier, but there will be a point that it ends.
You are a good daughter, trying to make a difficult situation less so. There comes a time you realize that there are just no good options.
You do what you can. And remember to take care of you. So very sorry you are going down this road, but look, you are not alone! Much good support and love in these groups!