Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
I just want to remind everyone that when your taking care of a loved one, you need to remember to take care of,yourself. I know we all hear that, but it's hard when we are so busy taking care of others, our own health can be neglected. I'm living with my 81 year old mom that has dementia. I'm married and have a son that lives at home, but I've been basically doing this on my own. We have a caregiver that comes 3 days a week for 8 hours a day. That really isn't enough. My husband is wonderful, and my son helps too, but it's still lonely.
Well I guess I thought I was superwoman and could do it all. I basically was doing it all. Well in June one day all of a sudden I started getting sick, and just thought I was getting my husbands cold. I started having shortness of breath. Couldn't wait for my hub to get here from work so had the neighbor call 911. It ended up that I had pnunemonia and septic. I ended up in the hospital for 4 nights. The second night I kept getting worse, that I ended up in ICU. That was June 8th and I'm still not totally well. Now a cardiologist has me on a blood thinner because she says I'm still going in and out of A fib.
Its been a long road, and I still have a long ways to go. Luckily my family jumped in and helped that weekend that I was gone. I came right back to being here with my mom, but with extra help. My sons been staying with me, my husband does grocery shopping and what ever else I need and the caregiver came extra days for 3 weeks. Now everyone is getting back to their lives, which I understand, but I still need help. I can't do this all on my own anymore. My son is not wanting to be around too much, because my moms been falling or nearly falling and that is hard on everyone.
So please everyone, just remember to "make time" for yourself. We all say we don't have time, but just do it. It's very important for your health.
I am sorry that your got ill, happy that you got the medical attention you needed, happy that your family pitched in and helped, but sorry that things are slipping back to the way they were.
Gentle hugs
There are some options that have been talked about here over the years.
One solution is to identify the problem, devise a solution, set limits and consequences. For example, a parent who demands that we go to the store for them when ever they think they want something. The solution may be to identify a day of the week that you will go to the store, and a list that is to be used for requests. Abusive behavior (ie she continues to demands IMMEDIATE trips to the store) will have a consequence, such as delaying the shopping trip by a day or two (Or a week!)
This works best if you are able to impose consequences, and if they are capable of understanding the relationship between behavior and consequence
Another solution is to remember how we deal with our children when they were too young to understand. Divert your mom, perhaps give her a choice between 2 options that you are OK with. Going back to the shopping thing, when your mom demands you go to the store remind her that you are not able to go to the store just now, and that she can wait for Xday or Yday. Or the choice can be between waiting for the scheduled day or not getting the item at all.
The depth of your mom's dementia will help you choose how you react, what options you give her, and what expectations you can expect to have of her.
Do not let her care become your 100% priority. That is a trap that we all encounter. We need time for ourselves, for our spouses, for our children, these things keep us sane!