Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
How many of you have noticed the phenomenon of isolation of the parents-that the older and sicker they get the more people tend to back away and avoid them? I think it's a form of Ageism , or prejudice. I notice that nobody wants to talk about getting old, and absolutely not about dying.
Even my brother, 46 (I am 47 and a nurse, so I am not typical) seems to avoid my parents, who are 75 and 71, and both have organic brain disease which affects their bodies but not their thinking. Bob (my only sibling) says that his kids don't want to come over anymore, that they are overwhelmed by the sight of Grandma and Grandpa. Well, that's just dandy. What the heck do I tell my Ma, who misses doting over her grandbabies, now 13 and 6? She doesn't realize that she has gotten grumpy, and just sits in her chair and stares at the television and says about 6 sentences to the kids before she gets distracted and goes back to watching her show.
We has a fine time the last time we had them over. We played a game called "Thin Ice" a trivia game, which would be fine, except for the fact that poor grandpa couldn't work the mechanism on the game. I am willing to figure this all out, darn it.
I am doing spring cleaning. I am going to start inviting Ma's church friends over for afternoon tea, one by one so she doesn't get over tired. She misses them. It isn't in her nature to call them, "I never call anybody, I wait for my friends to call me." She doesn't realize that she has gotten so isolated by her age and her absence form her usual activities, that her friends "assume" that she is too sick for company or wants to be left alone....
I think it falls on me now, to take it upon myself to invite them over. One by one, a couple of times a week. Papi likes to have Ma's friends over too, the are really his friends too, and while they visit, he sits there and takes it all in and enjoys himself.
I have been sick lately and have been derelict in my duties. I feel guilty for not being a better daughter. But I have many difficulties of my own (see my profile). I was doing the best I could, I had three hospitalizations this year already.
Now that I am doing better, I am going to make it my job to take better care of all of us, just that. Back to basics, forget the fancy stuff.
I welcome ideas and comments.
Ayla67
Even my brother, 46 (I am 47 and a nurse, so I am not typical) seems to avoid my parents, who are 75 and 71, and both have organic brain disease which affects their bodies but not their thinking. Bob (my only sibling) says that his kids don't want to come over anymore, that they are overwhelmed by the sight of Grandma and Grandpa. Well, that's just dandy. What the heck do I tell my Ma, who misses doting over her grandbabies, now 13 and 6? She doesn't realize that she has gotten grumpy, and just sits in her chair and stares at the television and says about 6 sentences to the kids before she gets distracted and goes back to watching her show.
We has a fine time the last time we had them over. We played a game called "Thin Ice" a trivia game, which would be fine, except for the fact that poor grandpa couldn't work the mechanism on the game. I am willing to figure this all out, darn it.
I am doing spring cleaning. I am going to start inviting Ma's church friends over for afternoon tea, one by one so she doesn't get over tired. She misses them. It isn't in her nature to call them, "I never call anybody, I wait for my friends to call me." She doesn't realize that she has gotten so isolated by her age and her absence form her usual activities, that her friends "assume" that she is too sick for company or wants to be left alone....
I think it falls on me now, to take it upon myself to invite them over. One by one, a couple of times a week. Papi likes to have Ma's friends over too, the are really his friends too, and while they visit, he sits there and takes it all in and enjoys himself.
I have been sick lately and have been derelict in my duties. I feel guilty for not being a better daughter. But I have many difficulties of my own (see my profile). I was doing the best I could, I had three hospitalizations this year already.
Now that I am doing better, I am going to make it my job to take better care of all of us, just that. Back to basics, forget the fancy stuff.
I welcome ideas and comments.
Ayla67
God bless you
I think people are afraid that they'll catch it if their near it. Sad...
I guess I'm trying to say that your brother and his wife are the keys to your parent's grandchildren. If you can impress upon them to teach their children what is going on and how important it is to grand ma and grand pa, then they will come around.
I would also suggest you contact your local social services agency or hospital social services departments as many have volunteers who will visit homebound seniors or take them out for short excursions.
My folks were well aware of the family not coming around and had very descriptive ideas why. Nothing I could do about it but allow them to rant and rave. They would also over complain my inefficiencies LOL. I just let them vent and would redirect if possible.
I think your getting church friends to come over is a nice idea. Older folks get it better than we really do. I often find comfort in a strangers eyes who will see me with Mom. The expression says so much because they walked this walk with an elder or do at their age currently.
You are very kind to your parents. Wish I had a sibling like you.
Hugs
Peace