Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Yesterday I went to pick up Mom and she had just fallen in the bathroom. When I came in she was yelling at the CNA's and then the charge nurse how to help her up. Then me when I came in telling me in front of the CNA's they don't know how to do anything. They decided to call 911 and transport to make sure nothing was broken because she seemed to be in so much pain.
So on to the hospital where all she could do was say she was cold. They kept bringing hot blankets and I even brought a wool blanket......I know it was shock but she told me they never listen and won't bring her any blankets and just leave her there to freeze. Nothing was broke so she got to go back.
Today I woke up in Afib and was too ill to go over so I called.....big mistake as I am already stressed as I had been given a time limit and if not in NSR was to go to ER. So I called It started off good and the next thing I knew nobody knew anything and her wheel chair was such a piece of junk and no one would fix it for her they were all idiots. I calmly explained if there was a problem we would need to go to the medical shop where it came from to see if they could fix the foot rest. The next thing I knew nothing and she was yelling telling me she would not speak to me again. She even hung up on me.
I try to just listen and not take it personally but it is so hard. I realize she is going to be a very angry older person and she is driving everyone away but me, but I can't do anything to help her. Yes she was a angry parent and a very stubborn person who did get better in old age, but is now becoming abusive to me.
laurab
So on to the hospital where all she could do was say she was cold. They kept bringing hot blankets and I even brought a wool blanket......I know it was shock but she told me they never listen and won't bring her any blankets and just leave her there to freeze. Nothing was broke so she got to go back.
Today I woke up in Afib and was too ill to go over so I called.....big mistake as I am already stressed as I had been given a time limit and if not in NSR was to go to ER. So I called It started off good and the next thing I knew nobody knew anything and her wheel chair was such a piece of junk and no one would fix it for her they were all idiots. I calmly explained if there was a problem we would need to go to the medical shop where it came from to see if they could fix the foot rest. The next thing I knew nothing and she was yelling telling me she would not speak to me again. She even hung up on me.
I try to just listen and not take it personally but it is so hard. I realize she is going to be a very angry older person and she is driving everyone away but me, but I can't do anything to help her. Yes she was a angry parent and a very stubborn person who did get better in old age, but is now becoming abusive to me.
laurab
Then there is my inability to lift her or wait on her due to fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis and days of afib that rob me of an entire day, and some other health issues I have. Add to that she has always had a love hate relationship with me she can be abusive.
She is not in a nursing home it is a semi assisted living with 30 other people 3 miles from my home. I pop in at different time each day so I know she is well taken care of.......she abuses ths CNA's to the point it embarasses me.
As she goes downhill I realize it is stress but she lived me once foe three years and it was a nightmare.
laurab
We all struggle with setting limits on our parents. We need to separate the times when our parents are unwilling to interact with people properly from the times when they are unable to interact properly.
One thing that helps is being able to see where her statements are coming from, and then reacting accordingly. As for the blanket thing, you were aware that she was given blankets so you can remind/tell her. If she denies it then you are being complained to by somebody who either knows her complaint is unfounded or she has forgotten. Either way it is not a valid complaint and it is not worth you getting upset about.
You can work on her behavior! Let her know that there are things that you will not tolerate, and there will be consequences for that behavior. It seems that she yells at people a lot and tells them they do not know how to do things. When she does that to you the consequence can be that you leave.
And then leave!
No matter what was going on.
She will learn the connection between treating you mean and you leaving. She may insist that she has the right to be mean to you, but that is another issue to resolve.
Sorry to ramble on and on.
Gentle hugs
A BIG HUG FROM ME 2 U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GBU
D
;-O
The NH may have some problems but you have learned you can't always believe what your Mom tells you about what is going on.
Yes. Set limits on her and stick to them!
But also realize there is only so much you or the nursing staff can do with an angry cantankerous old woman.
I read somewhere the other day if you live you will age, so it is up to you how you deal with it. I agree to a point as the burdens of aging bodies and minds are hard on them.
Thank you all for your good advice.
laurab