Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Hey People, it took me some time to realize why I was so upset, mad, fussy. The real thing is fear.
It is scary to deal with this person, my Mom, who is becoming someone I do not understand. Her emotions are becoming flat. Mean. She is so harsh and demanding. Wow. Way too much to deal with.
So, I tried to speak with one of my brothers and my sister. Ha. That was rediculous. They don't want anything to do with it. They have both had major issues from childhood and cant get past it. Calling and talking to them was rejection in the worst way.
Now, what to do. Mom is spinning out of control. Can still drive, do most for herself but we do the laundry, lifting, put away groceries. Cook some. She does not eat many meals. But does get protein shakes, bowls of cereal, veggies with humus dip. We do ok around here. With all that she can do, it is hard for people to note how aggitated she is becoming about everything. Her BP is hitting upper numbers too. She self medicates with xanax and clinidine (BP med) to lower it. But the xanax wears off and she is just grouchy.
Here I am worried about how to get help. As much as I irritate her, get nagged at, make her life awful...she still gave me power of atty. Why? She trusts me. OK. Cant loose that aspect or it will all be a complete struggle.
It is scary to deal with this person, my Mom, who is becoming someone I do not understand. Her emotions are becoming flat. Mean. She is so harsh and demanding. Wow. Way too much to deal with.
So, I tried to speak with one of my brothers and my sister. Ha. That was rediculous. They don't want anything to do with it. They have both had major issues from childhood and cant get past it. Calling and talking to them was rejection in the worst way.
Now, what to do. Mom is spinning out of control. Can still drive, do most for herself but we do the laundry, lifting, put away groceries. Cook some. She does not eat many meals. But does get protein shakes, bowls of cereal, veggies with humus dip. We do ok around here. With all that she can do, it is hard for people to note how aggitated she is becoming about everything. Her BP is hitting upper numbers too. She self medicates with xanax and clinidine (BP med) to lower it. But the xanax wears off and she is just grouchy.
Here I am worried about how to get help. As much as I irritate her, get nagged at, make her life awful...she still gave me power of atty. Why? She trusts me. OK. Cant loose that aspect or it will all be a complete struggle.
My Mom claims she was mistreated in the 60's with medication for depression. I was old enough to remember her lying in bed most of the time. She missed my second grade year. My Dad and sister took care of me. Mom is no longer on any meds but it seems they are part of what caused some kind of damage. So, she is odd about taking things. Thus, taking xanax is so out of character.
How do I speak with her health care people so that she doesnt find out?? There is a lot to fear for her. While she is so awful, I want to help her find relief from this problem. Tried to bring it up and just put her into high BP and she became so angry her lips were blue.
Now what??
Is that an option for you?
It might be best to hear some of these things straight from her doctor as well, that way you don't have to be the "bad" guy.
Many blessings to you!
Kristin
During the time she stayed with me after she was released from a treatment facility she was incredibly difficult....refusing to eat, bathe...it was ridiculous. I don't know if what I did should be done in your situation, but what I ended up doing is giving her a list of options for her future and demanding she make a decision. I told her she couldn't hide from her life. I had to set a time limit also where she had to go back home. It worked. We didn't talk for a few months as we were both angry...but it passed.
I know how frustrating it is to have your mother mistreat you when all you're trying to do is help her. I know about the self medication, as my mother did that also. Try and talk to her dr.'s. It didn't work for me, but you may be pointed in a good direction. I soooooo sympathize with your situation!
M.
It is terrible that we all have to share this kind of thing but it is part of life and ...yes.. we are the lone care givers. At least here we have a place to to become a link in a very strong chain.
I don't know what I can add to this mix. I, like many that replied to your post, is a lone care giver and my family doesn't care either; except to be critics. Not one will lift a finger to be helpful. Not a whisper of encouragment...they want sit back in judgement and blame the messenger. I hear you, understand and support you. My best to you and your mom. Take care of yourself and try to keep the faith.Tae+
It is not just a thank you note. My life is much easier to deal with having a place to connect with others like this.
I will say some of the fear is getting better. So is being frustrated. Those adjustments make things much easier to cope with.
Dont get me wrong. It is still nuts around here. But I am starting to laugh about it rather than fret.
One day, I will add a few scenarios from my home that are so odd that laughing is really all that one can do about it. Not laughing at anyone, just the situation.
Cheers!!