A few random thoughts. First do your parents have wills and do you know what they say? It would be smart to make sure all the legal matters are taken care of now. Especially if your mom goes first where does that leave you with your step-dad?

If you are on ssd then you do have some income and would probably qualify for low-income housing. Start your research now so that if it becomes necessary you know what is available. Every state has different names for their programs.

Friends and even dating can be handled outside of home. Find local places that you can get together. The library is always good. Or the mall. Once you find friends you can also go to their homes.

When the time comes that your parents absolutely need outside help you will have to give them an ultimatum. Show them the choices and the costs and consequences. If you present all the facts and info most of the time they will accept it. Just takes some time for pride to move out of the way.

ANd finally stop listening to the doom and gloom people. It's great to be prepared but don't borrow trouble.

It sounds like you moved in not to assist them but because of your needs from the start. Do NOT forget that your needs are still a priority. You can not change someone else but you can change your situation. It may seem impossible to move out but I would dig into those options more deeply since it does not seem to be a stable environment for you. Sometime the best first step to helping someone else is to care for yourself... and your little dog too!

willow i am sorry that you feel so isolated right now but know that you are not alone i share with you your concerns i too am the only one who is taking care of my mother who has a inoperable brain tumor and i have a brother who is dieing of brain cancer as i speak. these trials are very difficult we are concerned for our loved ones yet we wonder about out future without them.

who ever told you to get rid of you beloved pet do not listen to them he is your comfort now do not send him away no matter what anyone tells you god has placed that pet with you so that you will have him to love and for him to give you comfort in your times of need. please do not listen to them at all !!!!!!!

i am here for you willow whenever you need to talk to someone i too spend my days alone with my mother i am here for you.

you can message me everyday if you feel the need to do so
perhaps we can lift each other up??? thats sound good does it now?

god bless you and guide you safely through this trial

Hi Kathy. Your situation is so dire. I wish I could swoop in and grab you right out of there. You say you've talked to your therapist, have you considered a religious leader? A pastor in a local church that knows your family? I know a lot of church members would love to come by and visit with your mom and step dad. If he will shut up with the trash talk that is. How rude! I agree about meeting friends and dating away from the house. And keeping your precious pup! Also, how does your mom get to her doc appts? I'm guessing you drive her? Perhaps you can talk to her doc and let him/her know the situation and they can get you help. My advice is to shout it out loud - tell everyone who could help you that you need help. Call your church, call the doctors that treat your mom. Call in the troops and get help !! btw - sounds like your therapist isn't helping you much, do you need someone new?

Hi Kathy,

I agree with all the others.. You don`t have to listen to that gloom and doom. You need to start asap by finding out whats available for you
in your area. Fill out all the necessary paperwork and call your local
housing authority and tell them you need to find an apartment asap.
You can not afford to live like this any longer. Sometimes by taking care of ourselves it is the kindest thing we can do for someone else. Your parents will come to see that they will need services. You might want to tell your parents that you are going to be moving. What can I do to help you with this transition? Meals on wheels, Transportation by the state. Do you have it where you live? We have it here for handicapped folks. Maybe you can add that to the list and get the forms and have them send it to your home to get the ball rolling for them. You may have to help them out with these steps but I do believe in the long run this will be better for all of you. It sounds very unhealthy for everybody the way you are living. I will be thinking of you.
I just know you can do it and take that little furry ball with you.

Sending you good thoughts for a wonderful outcome!

Please keep us posted!

Gentle Hugs,
Rosanne

I like all of the advice included on here! I don't really have any new advice, just encouragement, that you can do this and that you do not need to give up your pet! I don't live with my parents, but I understand as even visiting can be very stressful, as my parent's health is also very poor and they too don't want any help from anyone but my husband and I and are very socially isolated. I also agree it's not helpful to listen to people who are full of gloom - while they may be trying to be realistic, it's not necessarily always the case that this is what will happen. Try and take steps now to protect yourself and your little fur-baby!

I too have to agree. I left an abusive situation several years ago at the age of 49 and had to move back in with my parents. It was SO bad, that I finally got my own place. And have since suffered from many health problems. However, my therapist tells me that if I move back with my parents, it will kill me. So, I can definitely relate. I also think all the options you were given here by others are things to look into. I know plenty of people on disability who have low income housing and have their pets. You also need to put up some boundaries and tell your parents you cannot take care of them and they need outside help. Last week, I ended up calling Adult protective services to have someone come in and assess my parents' situation. You are the number 1 priority.

Thank you all SO much for your replies, suggestions and encouragement. I've been on the waiting list for low income housing for 5-6 years already. They rarely have any openings. I'm trying. My mom and s-dad do have Wills, and I "was" their executrix... That was until I decided to move out of the State (for very important reasons... I was in danger b/c of my s-father's out of control behavior and alcoholic rage at the time I left). When I left, at the age of 40, they were so angry with me that they changed their Wills and now I have NO idea of what's going on. They won't share any of that info with me. Even though I live with them now, there are so many secrets and my mom and s-dad seem to be doing everything they can to make sure that my 2 step-sisters, or myself not get anything, should something happen to them. They're selling anything of value they can (coins and stuff), and spend a lot of money on buying things...big items, etc... My mom won't even tell me what bills she has, investments, loans, etc... I'd have NO idea at all of what to do if something should happen to her. My s-father is clueless and doesn't even know how to write a check. Also, my s-father is changing mentally. He's forgetful, sleeps 90% of every day, isn't keeping up with the things he used to do around the house, like getting the trash out on time, etc... They have a Reverse Mortgage on their home, so the house will need to be auctioned off should anything happen to them since my 2 step sisters, nor myself have any money to buy what's left of the house (after the Reverse Mortgage Co. takes their full share). It's a true mess! My anxiety is so bad. I had a major panic attack today and am still reeling from it. I've had Meal's on Wheel's come in for them for a few months, and then my mom decided "they didn't like the food", so she cancelled them. I've called the Office of Aging, Visiting Nurse Assoc., spoken with my therapist, etc... in search of help on what I can do to get them help. I've been told that if they refuse the help, they don't have to let anyone in the house to evaluate or help them. I'm on disability myself and I'm wearing out fast. I've had Mono 2-3 times this year already, and am feeling exhausted again.

Thank you all SO incredibly much for being here and keeping in touch! I can't tell you all how much I appreciate it! I'm so alone in this world, and knowing I can come here and communicate with y'all is comforting.

God Bless,
Kathy (Willow215)

Is there ever a time when you are alone in the house? I'm suggesting something kinda sneaky, please don't take offense. If I was you I'd start snooping around, looking for bank books, statements etc. Perhaps their will. I'd do anything I had to do to find out everything money wise. It's sad that they are keeping this info from you. My mom put my name on her accounts so I have access should she become incapable of paying bills, etc.

I know it must have been scary to share all of this in an open forum. Thank you because I think your situation will make other people aware of what might happen to them. Take care and good luck!!

Here in Arizona if you call Adult Protective Services and file a complaint (which I did on my parents), they do go into the home. The state takes over. I was told that if they feel my parents can no longer take care of themselves (and my 23 year old son is there) they will put them in a home.

Hi! I just want to let you know you are not alone! I also have elderly parents I care for and also live the a chronic illness that some days prevents me from getting out of bed, but do my best to make it basic living needs on those days. I can tell you that my family also refuses outside help, and in the process of trying to get outside help in, we have constantly run into road blocks... ie., social workers that are just mean and unhelpful; home care companies that need so much paper work filled out that by the time the doctors and insurance companies and medicare have been contacted, the time line is past due and so no services can be started, etc. Trust me, outside help is almost more stressful that just doing what you can yourself. I'm also solely responsible for them, and also a brother that is severely disabled with celebral palsy. It is a handful but the only thing that keeps me going is my love for them. There are days (like today) that I could just cry and would rather go back to bed, because of how sick I feel and also how overwhelmed I am with care-taking, however I don't have any other choice. Outside care isn't an option and I'm the only one able to care for them in their needs. Hugs to you and know that if you are able to try and figure out some type of disability funding for yourself, you will not only be helping yourself, but also your mom and s-dad.

brownyeyed you said it beautifully LOVE you have been blessed in revealing the main purpose that is to do it for the love of them once that is established within your whole heart and mind god will guide you through it.........................he did for me with my father and continues to do it for my mother as well it is not just love for mom and dad but the love that is given is spilled into god himself...................

god bless you