Caring For Aging Parents Support Group

Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.

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TangoBuddy 08/28/2018

My brother keeps mailing letters to my mother telling her not to get knee revision surgery. He thinks I talked her into it and I did no such thing. It's her choice. Now what really ticks me off is that he lives a mile a way and didn't just come over and talk until I invited him for lunch at a restaurant on sunday. Mom is getting a third opinion on Thursday and he should come. (She's doing it for him too btw). Monday I get a weird text saying mom told him his work is a horrible place and that she must be having memory problems. I asked him when she said that and he said 1984. WHAT!! I don't know what is going on in his head! Btw I will be the one to deal with her care after because I know my brother and sil wont. I asked my sil nicely if she could stop in at the house to check up on them while I go camping for the week. She freaked out and said she had lots of chores to do and if a friend could. there's no one and I have no friends.I haven't been away from them in a year. No vacation at all. i told her I guess I'll just go down the mountain every day then. She was happy about that. Again they live a mile away! My brother does text me that I'm doing a great job with my parents so thank you for that. And I deeply love all four of these silly people.

pd2012 08/29/2018

Oh boy... I'd go straight to your brother, tell him what your plans are and that it's his turn to pitch in. There's nothing wrong with taking some down-time from the caregiving. I've found that it's easy to send texts that "you're doing such a great job; now keep it up". Take the down time, tell him that it's "tag, you're it" for the week and go and have fun.

TangoBuddy 08/29/2018

He's not going to the doctors with mom tomorrow. Sigh.

TangoBuddy 10/03/2018

So invite my brother and sil to lunch with mom and dad. Darn brother made me angry. He was going on how I was young still and could do anything i want. I could say that's true because any one of us could just pack up and leave but it's also very wrong to leave people who depend on you. He will not even give me a bit of help.

TangoBuddy 10/15/2018

That was not a fun time to unwind. Mom and I went up camping and stayed for two days. I told my brother he was by himself. Well dad decides to get the mail and falls. Nothing bad but he has a hard time getting up. My uncle happened to be coming over and helped him and gave him supper. He lives far away so it really was a treat. Dad told us all about it and I brought mom home. I went back and for the next 5 days i spent three hours driving back and forth and making sure they were ok. My brother never even called or stopped by to see if they were ok. He knew I'd be out of town! Mom doesn't want me to bring it up because I'd offend him and his wife. But I mean really!!!! They live a mile away!!!

TangoBuddy 11/03/2018

I went to lunch with my sister in law and parents.. Poor dad is really having a hard time walking. I brought up that I was angry that they didn't check up on them and she got real defensive and tried to spin it to my fault. That i should have taken dad up to the mountains camping and that he knew their phone number and he could have called them. I told her that dad doesn't remember his own phone number(he felt bad because he was listening to this next to me). She went on to say that you can be as bad as you want to, your brother doesn't care. He gets mad at you and doesn't say anything. Dad's birthday is tuesday. Yay 73years old! My uncle is coming and I'm sure my brother and sil are too. I told him that the toilet is messed up and he loves projects. It's nothing big and quite frankly I could do it if he doent. I'm planning on ordering a cat birthday cake. I've got a pepper ham deforsting, and so all I need is a few drinks, maybe some buns. I've got potatoes too so I think cheesy potatoes.

ThePepperMan 11/04/2018

Yea, gotta love the un-even load bearing thing. My mom got that from her siblings; she lived about 1 or 2 hours away from their parents, her sister varied from a 4 to a 10 hour drive (military family) and her brother was 3,000 miles away.

Her brother took the path of least effort on his part, he supported (emotionally) mom from across the country. Her sister and her sister's husband griped about a lot of things but never really helped. I take that back, they bought their parents a pair of nice chairs. When their parents passed away mom gave those chairs to my kids since her siblings did not lift a finger (or contribute any money) to the care of their parents.

Sigh.

I am sure that there was history there that I was not told.

Sorry to vent on your vent,

TangoBuddy 11/08/2018

Venting is what this thread is pepperman.

I got the house set up for dad's party and my brother called and said he wanted to take him out to sizzler for lunch. Then after that he called and said he was tired and didn't want to come over. Angery!!!!!! I go to every Damn thing they have planned! They got mad at me a couple years ago because they bought tickets to an ice skating thing yet didn't think about the stairs at all. It was very hard on our parents and my sister in law mom could hardly make it at all down the stairs. It was large stadium seating. I told them that I wish they would have thought of that next thing I know they won't talk to me for two months.

My uncle and aunt came. Oh dad was so happy to see his brother. He even called his other two bros out of state.

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