Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
If I was dead things would be peaseful. Now the pipes are leaking in moms bathroom. All the clothes are on her bed. She said she will put clothes on floor if she has to to be able to sleep. Brother trying to fix leak. Yesterday mom calls all upset. The insurance company will come inspect the house. After both mom and I were told she could have the house insurance. She wanted me to come get the house straight. Which I could never do alone. I felt sick to my stomach. After the stress of weeks of getting quotes and making lots of repeat calls. I called a fomer neighbor who toldme to sta n d up to mom. Get her to hire someone to clean up stuff. I am paying for it. Several hundred dollars. She juts called me up again. The people have worked on the house and will come back tomorro
with extra people to help. To finish. And she is upset about not knowi g when inspectors will come. And is worrying that they will still reject the house. And her current insurance is a few days. From up. I said dont tell current company anything yet. She says they wont take her back if she cancels insurance. I said to wait a week or two. Dont say anythi g to current compay. Then if new company rejects you, call up former company and say you were sick lately. And forgot to send the check to renew the house insurance. Maybe they will be ok with that. Mom says they won't accept any excuse. And won't take her back. Then she tells me
about the rug is wet and the pipe split or leaking water on bathroom floor etc. Right now I think dying sounds good. But I would never kill myself cause I couldn't dothat to my husband. It's just a pleasent thought.
Barbara
with extra people to help. To finish. And she is upset about not knowi g when inspectors will come. And is worrying that they will still reject the house. And her current insurance is a few days. From up. I said dont tell current company anything yet. She says they wont take her back if she cancels insurance. I said to wait a week or two. Dont say anythi g to current compay. Then if new company rejects you, call up former company and say you were sick lately. And forgot to send the check to renew the house insurance. Maybe they will be ok with that. Mom says they won't accept any excuse. And won't take her back. Then she tells me
about the rug is wet and the pipe split or leaking water on bathroom floor etc. Right now I think dying sounds good. But I would never kill myself cause I couldn't dothat to my husband. It's just a pleasent thought.
Barbara
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Your mother and brother let things get this bad before calling you. Please don't think another thought about suicide! They are suffering the consequences of their actions. They are digging themselves out of it.
LET THEM CONTINUE TO DIG THEMSELVES OUT OF IT!
They will get through this one OK. If you want some peace of mind call the insurance company and ask them how long the grace period is on their insurance policy. If necessary you can hint that your brother messed up the funds and that the rest of the family is scrambling to come up with options. Note that this is true as far as I know from what you have said, but it is, uh, a little bit out of context.
Just a little!
Breathe dear friend, keep breathing!
They will get through this.
Once this is all in your past you can do a well managed "I told you so" without using those words. Let them know that there are consequences to their actions, they suffered through them, and that they are still alive and kicking. Then let them know that if they don't like this experience then they need to make plans next time, and suggest that you can help them with details.
If your DH can be a good buffer for you, then you might want him to speak for you. Not that you can't speak for yourself, but because he is more likely to have the emotional distance that such a conversation requires.
So please, PLEASE, keep on breathing.
Someone needs to take the reins and just stop taking no for an answer.
But MIL does just as she wants to do.
And guess what, she has made it to to 93 years and 7 months and 8 days doing it her way!
I will give one thing to my SIL; if MIL followed all doctors orders odds are she will live longer. But she would be a very sad person, and the rest of her life would be very stressful for her.
I kind of see the same thing in your situation, but different too.
You mother wants to live life a way that you object to. I concur with you, your mother should do things better. (Just like my MIL should do things better.) But she is not going to do that. It feels like you have a lot of your sense of well being tied up in your mother doing things better than she does. She doesn't, so you feel very very sad and depressed.
You are in a very hard place. Extremely hard.
Letting go is very hard, especially when it is your same gender parent. I can be a lot more objective about my MIL than I can about my own father.
Continuing hugs
Not having home insurance is a big thing but I am so very sick of the difficulties I have had with her on the subject that I almost don't care anymore. Dealing with her is emotionally exhiausting.
Unfortunately, no matter how much cleaning you do, there's still the factor that your mother will be living in the home and will continue to hoard. Her living conditions must be pretty poor for the insurance company to refuse a policy. I can empathize with you there, it must be very stressful to have to worry about a parent that's not capable of taking care of themselves.
I would let your brother take over and have him get your mother more involved in taking care of her environment. Then again, a hoarder is incapable of taking control and getting rid of their stuff so you'll probably need to be involved with the care also..
No easy way out except to declare her incompetent and ensure she's living in a facility where she can be monitored.
Barbara