Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
I'm an only child. No children. I see my father at 83 and worry--is that my future. It's scary. So, I've asked God to take me before I get to that age. I just don't want to take the chance. If I had someone who would take care of me at that age perhaps I would feel different. But being alone makes you think: I won't have someone that would be there for me like I've been there for my father. He's difficult, but I would never leave him and I think he knows that.
But for me, the future is bleak, so I say, Heaven sounds like a great place to be instead of here, alone. Anybody else have fear of the future due to having a parent that is not in the best of shape?
But for me, the future is bleak, so I say, Heaven sounds like a great place to be instead of here, alone. Anybody else have fear of the future due to having a parent that is not in the best of shape?
You have been great in this group, I can't imagine that that doesn't transfer into the outside, face to face, world. Instead of asking for your life to be cut short, ask for the strength to form lasting bonds with others.
For example..your dad never thought you will be takingc are of him when you were bron a little child..the life goes on..just do whatever you are doing ..even if you do not have anyone what you call as "your own"..God makes sure you will have company whever you need. I don't know how to say ..but please leave everything to God and it will be okay. My prayers so you feel peace in heart and not much worry about future. Yes, it is easy to say to others but difficult to accept in your own heart..but still pelase try NOT to worry anything . atleast we cant ry one step at a time.
take care,
Regards.
I am not the type that believes things are "Gods Will" meaing when someone dies young or a carload of young kids crashes and people say, 'Oh, it was Gods will that happened!'
If anything, I think God's will is for us to be able to drag ourselves out of bed, go to work, take care of our mother, fathers, kids, dogs, whatnot instead of staying in bed with the covers over our heads. I think right now, you are feeling like just staying in bed with the covers over your head. That is normal. But one of these days, it will not seem as scary to get out of bed.
I am saying this from experience because I have been over the covers a bit myself. You never know what will happen in the future, but it things may surprise you.
You need to take care of you, plan some nice things for yourself, make plans for the future.
P.S. Please no comments about my take on God's will. That is my opinion and it is not meant to diminish anyone else's view. Okay?
I empathize with your feelings, being an only child without children or other family (and divorced without desire to remarry) and, like you, have similar concerns about my future seeing my aging parents' failing health and knowing that the day is just around the corner when I will be aging and ill myself...and possibly alone.
While it's comforting to think that family and/or friends would be there on one's time of need, time and again I have learned that they are not, regardless of all that I have done for them over the years. Certainly, work on relationships with family and friends, but don't count on them. Count on yourself; that's my two-cent's worth of advice. I work hard, am frugal with respect to my spending, and make many sacrifices for the sake of keeping my finances strong so that, if I am alone when I am no longer able to care for myself, I will have the funds to hire people to care for me in my own home or, if/when that's not doable, then to check myself into as nice of an assisted living facility or nursing home as possible. Although I have a strong belief system, I am not leaving my financial security to faith but, instead, am being practical and frugal so that I can face the uncertainties of the future as securely as possible even if there are some unforeseen financial down-turns here and there along the way. (Here's something that helps me with my finances: before I buy something over a certain dollar amount, I remind myself that every dollar spent now is a dollar I won't have in my old age, and then I ask myself if I still want/need the item that I want to buy.)
Sure, there have been and will be days that were and will be more difficult for us only children than for those with a circle of close-knit friends and family members (many of which difficulties others can't even come up with if they tried). However, just as there is a distinct possibility that we will enter our final years alone, there is also the distinct possibility that someone currently in our lives will surprise us or that we will make new friends who will be there for us the way we are, have been and/or will be for them. Keep getting out and meeting people, making friends and living life as best you can while taking care of your father. Live each day as fully and optimistically as possible and, as best as possible, surround yourself with healthy, optimistic, happy people to bring balance, positivism, and fun into your life. Every little bit of social interaction with positive-minded people helps you have a brighter outlook, too. It will help you in your own life as well as with your caregiving.
I hope you can find some benefit in what I wrote and that, even amid all of life's stresses and sadnesses, you can find the peace and joy that is there to be enjoyed, however small, short-lived or intermittent. I wish you well with your caregiving and that you will take good care of yourself. I'm here if you want/need a friend.