I did many years of therapy to figure out that no contact with my bi-polar sib was the way to go for me. We had an intervention and said, "as long as you choose to stay off your meds, then we will choose to stay away so we have peace in our lives."
It is one thing to be there for them when they are working a program to try and have balance. It is another to be abused over and over because they don't want to do therapy and meds in any combo to try and live with balance while expecting us to be the ones providing that balance for them. We deserve to have lives and not just live to care for others who refuse to help themselves.
It is co-dependant to allow them to live anyway they like while we kill ourselves to do the right things.

Good luck

Though my mom has never been diagnosed (no meds), she has suffered from mental illness for as long as I can remember.

I know how difficult it can be for the rest of the family to cope when such an integral part of your close family has that diagnosis.

Trying to live with that kind of behavior just sucks the life out of you. I can understand the feeling of suffocation.

From what you say of your sister's behavior I am guessing that she doesn't have a lot of friends that you can enlist to help her out.

Unfortunately I also know it from the other end. I have had the bipolar II diagnois for most of my adult life. I shudder to think of what your family (especially you) has been through. I did try to get help in as many ways as I could and I am so grateful that my kids still love me.Their father (who was around all of this stuff is one of my best friends. I am so glad that his new partner makes him happy because he certainly endured a lot of c##p from dealing with me for 27 years).

I hope am different from your sister in the fact that I have always been med-compliant. Always have taken what I have been prescribed and done whatever (no matter how stupid I think that are) the pdocs have prescribed.

Since I have gone to several groups that deal with mental illness I have a lot of friends who also suffer. It is so difficult for the families of those that do not take their meds. Or stop their meds because they think that they are "cured" now.

I know someone who's sister has a mental illness. An undiagnosed one. The scariest ones are those that have no medical help, which is essentialy the same as not taking meds. have known the family for about 6 years and she has put her mother, sisters, kids and pretty well anybody else whose life she has touched through her absolutely totally unreasonable behavior.

My friend now lives in a different city than her sister. It helps but through the joy of a telephone and email she can't escape her,totally. Being so far apart does help my friend cope with things. She doesn't have her sister, in her face, all of the time.

We are actually going to visit my friend's hometown and has to see her sister (their mom passed away last year and there are still financial things to care for that they have to do together) and my friend has this nagging thought in her mind, that things are not going to go well.

I will end off this missive quickly. Didn't mean to go on so long but the fingers just kept on typing.

If your sister has two adult kids, let them take care of her. You are right when you say, what we feel are family obligations can be suffocating. Even though I know that I have been difficult over the years (and I always, always take my meds) one have my best supports has been my sister. We haven't lived in the same province for more than 25 years. Think it works because she can listen to me on the phone and after she hangs up she can go on with her life. I know that she loves for me, cares for me, will help me but I think that a big part of that is she is knowing that I am doing, all that I can to stay well.

To give you an idea of things are better when you are not too close my sister gave me a plaque for Christmas a few years ago. It says "I'm smiling because you're my sister. I'm laughing because there is nothing that you can do about it".

I realize that you have a lot on your plate but hope that you get the chance to keep us in the loop so we know that you are ok.

peaceful where is your peace?

IT sounds like you are exhausted. You need rest and relaxation from all these cares. Everyone deserves to have time to refresh and renew their spirit. Time off from stress is not a luzury. Ev eryone needs time to renew themselves in their own fashion. It is not selfish to take time to have rest.

I know exactly how you feel. THere is only one of me and 6 of them. Just when I get ready to sit and rest my weary back one of them walks up with a seeming simple issue that takes hours to right again. I just can not take another thing.

You can only take so much and you can only do so much. I agree with someone else who said to let her adult kids take care of her.

I empathize with you because I also have several other family members with big issues... (mental illness, drug abuse, legal problems, homelessness).

As guilty as I feel, I just can't take care of anyone else. You have to take care of you. Now, if I can only take my own advice, because I'm not so good at that.

((((((Hugs))))))

You ar egreat incaring for your mom. Since as you mentioned about ur sis's health..maybe your mom is scared about your sister too. In the midst of worrying about your sis..your mom may be talking with her for hrs together. I guess I understand that you are in a very tough situation..you cannot get angry with your mom or u sister also due to their health conditions or situations and you may also be feeling overwhelmed with all the happenings as well.

This is my humble opinion..if it does not make sens.e.please ignore it. Sometimes..do not say or try to think anything about the future also..since on one in this world has any control over tomorrow after all. By worrying about the future..(what might happen caring about ur sis..etc etc..) may be adding additional stress to you. SO..if possible..try to take only one day at a time. Start the tomorrow as a new day again..God will give us strength again tomorrow for that dya. For day-after-tomorrow..again, we will take only one day. Once our mind gets rrefreshed..we feel emotionally better. Once we are emotionally better..physical stress seems alright too sometimes. Again..its easy to say 'take one day at atime'..but difficult to follow. So, try slowly just to focus only ONE DAY AT A TIME..also..sometimes it also might happen that if your mom or ur sister does not appreciate you or acknowledge you for all that you are doing..please forgive them and understand that they may not be meaning what they talk. Please remember not to take it personally also..sometimes if the elders or siblings are in pain..we do not know what they may talk. Please remember we all although talk angrily with each other(in any family during certain circumstances)..we always are angry with the situation and we feel we do not have control over the situation and the ordinary human response to it is ....getting angry with the closest loved ones whome we take for granted.

So..if you get angry with your mom or sis..its okay. even if they get angry with you..its okay. Please remember that God is watching over all of you. My prayers that God fills your heart with peace and showers wisdoma nd understanding to ur mom and sis so they understand and acknowledge what you are doing and hope that brings you the peace and energy to handle this journey of caregiving smoothly by God's grace.

My prayers again, peaceful, hope ur mom and sis feels better and peace and understanding will be in the home.
Regards.

Hi, I have returned. And so grateful for each of you and your words. I find comfort in not being "the only one" dealing with Mom but the sib thing and mental illness.
My new job began a week earlier than what was intended. It is disorganized and for some reason I don't care. Nothing I did to make it that way and since they wont take my help to make things simple then I have done what I can offer.
I began to think of ways to compensate and realized I was doing it again. Taking on worry that isnt mine!

I am use to so much stress that it doesnt seem to bother me on the surface. I cant help wonder if this is for real or I am just numb from my own life,

So, Mom has been having her "spells". Something about choking and not breathing well. I give her nebulizer. It helps. Not certain about the nausea,'
She is stressed from hearing my sister out. 7 am chats before I am up. I am glad for their time spent together. Mom is lonesome.Sister prob too., Since she has two grown kids Mom keeps tabs to make certain they are ok.

One major thing that took some stress off my plate, My sister was so mad that someone would put her in the hosp that she told her atty about it. So they are a 3rd party protecting her directive if unable to answer for herself,
I was fired :)
Fine with me and the calling me all the time stopped. I have made a couple short and quick calls on my way to one thing or another. To check in and yet be brief. Some things are better, I will take any amount of better I can get!!
Mom is sicker today than other days. She has been unusual acting.
I am hanging around and hoping she will nap. I took the phone off the hook so we can have some space.
I have a lot to think about with the aspect of "how" to manage my family and commitment.
Thank you for being so open about your lives and feelings.

Oh...I had some ME time. Went to local sat farmers market. Bought a watermelon from a 12 year old going on 40 in maturity. She worked side by side with Mom and they had a lot to do just them. Sweetest seedless I have tasted and they grew them all. A whole pick up truck loaded. They do it all.
I admire that kid and hope this life and hard work provides a big thank you and college fund :)

Next is to get my Moms DR to order some tests or tell me this is the best life is going to be. Then we need some in home help at least once per week to get use to having someone else help. It is how the future will be if she is sicker and I am working.

Many thanks to you all. And a big hug from the Hoosier state (even though I am originally a NY-er)

P

Glad you are back.

I had to read the part about should sisters "atty" a few times until I finally figured it out, duh, that you meant attorney. Their is truth to the statement, crazy like a fox.

It was so good to read that you had some ME time. I have never done enough of that for myself. My pdoc always says that if the guilt train is going by, I will be the first one to jump on. Maybe I will get some inspiration from you.

From your profile I can see that you are from Indiana. I am Canadian but we get a lot of American movies, tv shows and stuff like that. Can remember that Indiana is the Hoosier state. Also saw the movie with Gene Hackman ever so many years ago called "Hoosiers." Great movie.

I live in Saskatchewan. We are a small province but we do have a pro football team(only profession team) We are all huge football fans in Saskatchewan. Like the cheeseheads in Green Bay but we wear halfed out watermelons on our heads carved into helmet shapes(this story is because you mentioned the Hoosiers and watermelons). Look odd but we take our team seriously.

We are a only a small province (we have 7 other teams in Canada but out team stores sell 70% of merchandise of all other teams put together) but there are so many Rider fans across the country, we are called the Rider Nation.

Tomorrow is game day (we start our season beginning of July).

Will be wearing my riders t-shirt(1 of4), under my riders jersey, with my hat, shorts and even, though TMI, my rider underwear.

GO RIDERS GO

Hey Wantmomback,
Just to follow your last post here in the event you are watching it. Love the watermelon half hat for football pride. Yes I am from Indiana and while Basketball has been the most outstanding sport we also have Colts football.
We are fans in this house. Mom really loves IU College basketball and takes bets against a relative whose team is Purdue.

I am making a water melon boat for a party this weekend. I will tell the story about your team. My Mom will enjoy since she comes from 80 miles south of Montreal. Of course I wont mention learning it here, I reveal this site to no one because its my only space to myself to express my thoughts about Mom, sister and etc...

P