Hi all,

I was referred over to this group from Healthy Relationships.

My mom was diagnosed almost three years ago with Stage 4 ovarian cancer. She's gone back and forth between Taxol and Avastin, and it looks like they will need to switch her chemo again as her CA125 numbers just went up again. During her treatment, her quality of life has diminished significantly to the point where she rarely leaves the house or even goes downstairs due to dizziness and other ailments. My dad has been her caretaker this whole time, driving her to every dr appointment, running errands, household chores, everything. He also still works full time, which is the source of their fortunately great health insurance. My brother and sister live in the vicinity, but both are quite busy with their lives. I unfortunately live halfway across the country. I've already gone to see them 3 times this summer, but I still feel guilty that I'm not there helping out more.

Then came the shocking news a couple weeks ago that Dad also has cancer. He'd been struggling for a few months with some really strange symptoms, and testing showed some abnormalities in his liver. When I went up to visit them recently, I was shocked by how much weight he's lost and how ill he looks. Further testing showed it is liver cancer, a rare variety caused by the genetic condition hemochromatosis, which should have been caught during a physical examination years ago. Basically he has too much iron in his blood and this damaged his liver and caused the cancer. They are unable to do a phlebotomy because his hemoglobin is too low, and chemo is also not an option with this kind of cancer. It looks like a transplant is his only option. In the meantime, he continues to deteriorate at an alarming rate. My brother was out there to help with yardwork this weekend and said Dad kept losing his balance and could barely hold a conversation. He's lost even more weight. They can't get him in to the University health center until the 19th, so I'm starting to panic. If he doesn't even get on the donor list til then, who knows how long he will wait? He is dying, and he needs to be treated NOW. One idea was to get him into the Mayo clinic as my uncle is a doctor and has connections there, but my parents seem resigned now to waiting to get into the U hospital. I don't know how hard to push on this. I'm trying to get ahold of my uncle, but he's traveling in Europe.

How do you all handle this feeling of panic and helplessness? I feel like I can't talk to any of my friends about this (had one friend completely drop me during this in an extremely hurtful way, so I've kind of stopped trying), but it is overwhelming my world. I'm distracted at work, can't sleep, can't think about anything else. I may need to take family medical leave at some point, but I don't know when would be the right time to do it. I'm single with no kids, but I do have pets, work, and all that to sort out. This is such a nightmare.

Thanks for listening...