Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
This is going to sound strange. I lost my husband in March of this year. I was devastated. Since my father is a widower, I thought he'd understand and help me through this journey. Instead, he buried the knife deeper into my soul. Now, I'm fighting for my life--that is, the life I'll eventually have with God. My father has brought me to the brink of actually disliking him more each day. I fear using a stronger word because God is clear that only the forgiving will be allowed in heaven.
This is a test of my faith.
I have much to forgive regarding my father. Nothing done to me, but my mother suffered greatly in her marriage. Yet, I'd made it through that period, forgiving him, and moving on. My mother passed 11 years ago, and up until recently, the past was the past and I'd stopped thinking about the things he'd done years ago. God teaches us that once we're saved, we're new creatures. I'd accepted that my father was a new creature. He didn't act like the man he'd been years ago. In fact, he was there for my mother, caring for her, loving her till the day she died. I credit him with saving her life.
This all changed three years ago when he got involved with a younger woman. They ended up moving in together(he's a preacher) . He asked me my opinoin on this, basically wanting my blessing. I told him the truth--that if he married her, I'd be pleased, but he'd raised me not to live in sin, so how could I tell him I approved. I told him that the decision was between him and God.
Anyhow, that's when it all started. They ended up moving in together and I got along fine with her. Then he started arguing with her and she moved out less than two months later.
That's when my father started attacking me with verbal assualts. He'd make up things then tell my husband. He was like one of the soap opera charcters who wanted to destroy their child's relationship with their spouse. This was strange as he was the one who encouraged me to marry my husband.
Our relationship has never been the same.
Now, it's become vicious, him still fighting with words, and my recent widowhood making me weak.
So I made a decision. Yesterday I didn't call him. I don't plan to call him today or the next. I'm moving on.
God tell us not to worry about what we eat, that the birds of the air don't worry and they're fed. I'm standing on God's promise with this one.
Tru
This is a test of my faith.
I have much to forgive regarding my father. Nothing done to me, but my mother suffered greatly in her marriage. Yet, I'd made it through that period, forgiving him, and moving on. My mother passed 11 years ago, and up until recently, the past was the past and I'd stopped thinking about the things he'd done years ago. God teaches us that once we're saved, we're new creatures. I'd accepted that my father was a new creature. He didn't act like the man he'd been years ago. In fact, he was there for my mother, caring for her, loving her till the day she died. I credit him with saving her life.
This all changed three years ago when he got involved with a younger woman. They ended up moving in together(he's a preacher) . He asked me my opinoin on this, basically wanting my blessing. I told him the truth--that if he married her, I'd be pleased, but he'd raised me not to live in sin, so how could I tell him I approved. I told him that the decision was between him and God.
Anyhow, that's when it all started. They ended up moving in together and I got along fine with her. Then he started arguing with her and she moved out less than two months later.
That's when my father started attacking me with verbal assualts. He'd make up things then tell my husband. He was like one of the soap opera charcters who wanted to destroy their child's relationship with their spouse. This was strange as he was the one who encouraged me to marry my husband.
Our relationship has never been the same.
Now, it's become vicious, him still fighting with words, and my recent widowhood making me weak.
So I made a decision. Yesterday I didn't call him. I don't plan to call him today or the next. I'm moving on.
God tell us not to worry about what we eat, that the birds of the air don't worry and they're fed. I'm standing on God's promise with this one.
Tru
Just remember that we don't forgive for the other person. We forgive for ourselves. I never really understood that until I had actually forgiven someone. You free your heart from the pain that is held in the heart. Forgiving doesn't mean that what the other person did was right or that you condone the behavior. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to allow them to wreak havoc in your life or allow them to be a part of your life.
With the lose you are already dealing with you shouldn't have to deal with all of this other stuff. Give yourself a chance to heal. Work on yourself and the rest will eventually fall into place.
Best wishes and my thoughts are with you.
I don't talk about God much but I am going to right now.
I am so sorry to read all of the pain that you have been through.
First of all, take care of yourself. God wants you to do that, he wants you to take care of the body that he gave you, mentally and physically. I believe that it is not for us to judge but it is for us to live with grace as much as possible. We are to be there for other people but NOT to be abused. I personally am not very good at forgiving, I have tried but I have learned that if I express how i feel truthfully but gracefully that the communication helps both parties, Sometimes it only helps me. I know you love your dad, you may not like who he is or love him always and that makes it so hard to communicate and take some time and space for yourself.
Tru, you are one of Gods creatures that he loves and God knows your pain and I can understand your pain from a different personal story. Please take care of yourself, you are worth having a wonderful life and fabulous relationships and smiles. Walk out your door and smile at someone walking your direction....and do it again and again and again. I hope that I have not sounded too dramatic but you sound like I have felt before and it takes one step at a time, I will be thinking about you. Take care.
Sandra
Have a nice relaxed day.
Regards.