Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Last time I posted, my sis and I had a conversation with mom about finacnes and filing for bankruptcy. All was well, she agreed this was the best option. She has been staying with me because we eventually agreed to sell her home (after bankruptcy) and have her move in with us. All (including mom) are in agreement it is best.
Today, I find out she has been making comments regarding ME to my sister and to a random unrelated person who told me something she said.
When I gently brought it to her attention, she flew off the handle. All I said was, Im sorry if "X" bothered you. Please tell ME next time. Not other people. If we r going to live together we need to be honest w each other.
She DENIED saying things. The said "I DONT NEED TO COME LIVE WITH YOU ANYWAY! Im staying HERE! I dont need to come to grandkids events...
We ALL KNOW, she cant afford to live in her home but she tosses this idiotic threat out EVERY TIME something doesn't go her way. In a years time, she wont b able to afford taxes. They will come TAKE the houae I cant MAKE her live w me.
Shes like a child stamping her feet. Yelling and pointiing at me...I awked her to
I left saying....If you dont want to come to the kids games, if u dont want to live with ME, then you can make other arrangements. I will be sad...but, ILL GET OVER IT.
Idle threats. SO MUCH CHILDISH BEHAVIOR
What do you do with a parent who acts like A Child?
All jokes aside...you have done everything possible, i think you handled it very well..she will eventually come around when she realises she doesn't have other options
(((BIG HUG)))
I am an only child so everything falls on me and I always seem to "fry the wrong egg."
After dad passed away, I moved my mom 800 miles closer to me. I moved her into an Independent Living facility becuz living together was.......wellll......undesireable since mom has some very "deep issues" and has a personality disorder which makes living with her impossible (she is very manipulative, and controlling). I have bent over backwards to make her life better and comfy.....but she turned mine into a living hell with her chronic complaining and gossiping. I gave her boundaries and she HATED them and crossed them constantly.
When she needed a full time caregiver, I had to pull her from the Independent Living facility and fixed up my rental home next door to where I live. I spent $8,000 of MY money to build ramps (she is in a wheelchair) and handicapped the bathroom and other areas of the house, for she and her caregiver to live in becuz she was running out of money and she drained me of my money (she doesn't know how to handle money and she has been robbed several times.....until I took over after dad passed away). I paid for her groceries, clothes, outings.....the list is unending with tens of thousands of my dollars.....my life savings to be exact. OMG!!!!!! I was happy to help.....but the whining and being rude, nasty to me and the caregivers.....she pitted me against them and my employee. She was demanding and insulting......sooooooooooooooo......I found a nursing home as she needs 24 hour care due to a falling problem and memory problems......plus she lives in denial about everything. It was hard to find weekend help and so my employee, his sister, and myself took shifts every weekend.....nobody wants to work on weekends unless you pay them as much as the weekday peeps :( and mom couldn't afford that for long.
It is difficult to find a nursing home that takes pending Medicaid.....but I found one.
It isn't as nice as my home that I fixed up for her.........but I was on the brink of losing my mind and done with her 56 years of verbal and mental abuse! I finally found my self respect and self love after years of therapy and I had had enough.
I visit her on my terms and only stay short stints.
She said she LOVED it......but the honeymoon only lasted about 2 week and as usual.......she is unhappy.......but at least I don't have to hear it daily.
I have been taking care of my parents (both were/are disabled) for the past 41 years and I felt it was time for me to move on and make a life for myself as I run out of money in several months.......so at 56 years old......I'm finally able to build a business so I can continue to live in my house.
Putting a parent in a nursing home is a last resort, but if they refuse to have and respect boundaries and they need 24 hour care.......then I'm all for it.
I'm hoping your mom is not to the point yet of needing a nursing home, but it wouldn't hurt to check it out.
I didn't realize that there are only a few places that take "pending" Medicaid. You either do private pay or are already on Medicaid.
My parents were VERY irresponsible with their money and I have done my best to support them financially, emotionally, and physically. I don't feel guilty for stepping back from the situation.
I have peace of mind that mom has a roof over her head, food, and is able to socialize.....and get the medical attention needed.
I wish the best for you and your mom. Sorry nobody sent you a memo that the rolls would change.....I didn't get one either.
It is sad to see them deteriorate to being childlike. My mom was always mean.....but it just got worse. I tried to be patient......but I just got wore out. I don't have any relief since I'm an only child.
I hope my story helps you not feel alone.
I'm not sure if your situation will improve.....but you can only hope (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))