Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
I came across this story online. It was in a collection of stories annotated Steve Andreas, published by Real People Press, Is there life after birth?
It game me something to think about in regards to my toxic father, so I thought I would pass it alone here:
At the time of the great flood, when the storm had just begun and the earth was beginning to be covered with water, a mother bird saw the danger. She realized that her three babies were no longer safe in their nest at the top of a high tree. Even if she remained with them, they would be swept away and drowned. So she picked up the first baby and started to fly through the storm, across the rising water, seeking a new place that would be high enough, so she might save at least one of her children.
As she flew, she spoke to the first baby, asking, When I am very old and I can no longer take care of myself, will you dedicate your whole life to taking care of me, just as I am using all my energy and strength to take care of you now?
And the first baby turned to her and said, No. When your day has passed, when you can no longer take care of yourself, then I will not dedicate my whole life to taking care of you. I will dedicate all my energy and strength to taking care of myself.
The mother bird said, No! This is not the baby to save. And so she let go of the first baby and it fell, helplessly flailing its tiny wings, down into the raging waves.
Tired and wet, the mother bird turned and flew back to the nest, which she hoped would still be above the rising waters.
She found the nest and picked up the second baby bird. Weary and wet, she struggled to fly higher, through the beating rain, against the driving wind. Seeking a new place that would be high enough, so she might save at least one of her children.
And as she struggled, she spoke to the second baby, asking, When I am very old and I can no longer take care of myself, will you dedicate your whole life to taking care of me, just as I am using all my energy and strength to take care of you now?
And the second baby turned to her and said, Yes. When you have used all your energy and strength, when you are too exhausted to go further, I will dedicate my whole life to taking care of you.
And the mother bird said, No! This also is not the baby to save. And so she let go of the second baby and it fell, helplessly flailing its tiny wings, down into the raging waves.
Almost exhausted now, bedraggled, beaten by the driving rain and raging wind, summoning all her remaining strength, the mother bird turned and flew back to the nest, which she hoped would still be above the rising waters.
She found the nest and, just as the raging waves washed it away, she picked up the third baby bird. With barely enough strength to rise above the foam and spray, to move forward against the driving wind, she struggled bravely on. Desperately seeking a new place that would be high enough, so she might save at least one of her children.
And as she struggled, with her voice and body failing, she spoke to the third baby, asking, When I am very old and I can no longer take care of myself, will you dedicate your whole life to taking care of me, just as I am using all my energy and strength to take care of you now?
And the third baby turned to her and said, No. When you have used all your energy and strength, when you are too exhausted to go further, I will not dedicate my whole life to taking care of you. But instead, I will dedicate all my strength and energy to taking care of my children, just as you are taking care of me now.
And the mother bird said, Yes! This is the baby to save. And with renewed hope and renewed strength, she steadily flew higher and faster and further. Despite the beating rain, despite the driving wind, despite the raging waves. She flew steadily. And she did find a new place that was high enough to save the child who must be saved.
It game me something to think about in regards to my toxic father, so I thought I would pass it alone here:
At the time of the great flood, when the storm had just begun and the earth was beginning to be covered with water, a mother bird saw the danger. She realized that her three babies were no longer safe in their nest at the top of a high tree. Even if she remained with them, they would be swept away and drowned. So she picked up the first baby and started to fly through the storm, across the rising water, seeking a new place that would be high enough, so she might save at least one of her children.
As she flew, she spoke to the first baby, asking, When I am very old and I can no longer take care of myself, will you dedicate your whole life to taking care of me, just as I am using all my energy and strength to take care of you now?
And the first baby turned to her and said, No. When your day has passed, when you can no longer take care of yourself, then I will not dedicate my whole life to taking care of you. I will dedicate all my energy and strength to taking care of myself.
The mother bird said, No! This is not the baby to save. And so she let go of the first baby and it fell, helplessly flailing its tiny wings, down into the raging waves.
Tired and wet, the mother bird turned and flew back to the nest, which she hoped would still be above the rising waters.
She found the nest and picked up the second baby bird. Weary and wet, she struggled to fly higher, through the beating rain, against the driving wind. Seeking a new place that would be high enough, so she might save at least one of her children.
And as she struggled, she spoke to the second baby, asking, When I am very old and I can no longer take care of myself, will you dedicate your whole life to taking care of me, just as I am using all my energy and strength to take care of you now?
And the second baby turned to her and said, Yes. When you have used all your energy and strength, when you are too exhausted to go further, I will dedicate my whole life to taking care of you.
And the mother bird said, No! This also is not the baby to save. And so she let go of the second baby and it fell, helplessly flailing its tiny wings, down into the raging waves.
Almost exhausted now, bedraggled, beaten by the driving rain and raging wind, summoning all her remaining strength, the mother bird turned and flew back to the nest, which she hoped would still be above the rising waters.
She found the nest and, just as the raging waves washed it away, she picked up the third baby bird. With barely enough strength to rise above the foam and spray, to move forward against the driving wind, she struggled bravely on. Desperately seeking a new place that would be high enough, so she might save at least one of her children.
And as she struggled, with her voice and body failing, she spoke to the third baby, asking, When I am very old and I can no longer take care of myself, will you dedicate your whole life to taking care of me, just as I am using all my energy and strength to take care of you now?
And the third baby turned to her and said, No. When you have used all your energy and strength, when you are too exhausted to go further, I will not dedicate my whole life to taking care of you. But instead, I will dedicate all my strength and energy to taking care of my children, just as you are taking care of me now.
And the mother bird said, Yes! This is the baby to save. And with renewed hope and renewed strength, she steadily flew higher and faster and further. Despite the beating rain, despite the driving wind, despite the raging waves. She flew steadily. And she did find a new place that was high enough to save the child who must be saved.
My children now have children of their own. They have said that they will find a good nursing home for me, but that I will never live with them.
After my experience of living with my aging parent, I am in total agreement with the plan.
There is always morte than one way to skin a cat! I NEVER thought I would be able to live with my Mom but it is working out beautifully
For the time being anyway. She is pretty independent as long as I leave her something to eat if I am going to be gone for more than a few hours.
Yet I know one day she may get to be too much for me to handle at home.
If and when that day comes I will eother find her a good place to go or get some home cxare help in for her.
But I will nEVER run myself ragged or endanger my own helath for her.
I will never live with my children. God sent them to this earth to do their work not exhaust themselves caring for me.
I am beginning to think people who spout claims that children must give up life to wait on elder parents hand and foot are actually living vicariously thru this cargiveing role rather than actually offering real compassionate care for the elder parent.
Compassion dictates that we allow everyone rest periods.
You are so right. That is a perfect way to describe what I was thinking. Funny how it is hard to find words sometimes.
Thanks