Well it was not easy, but felt I had no choice. It is SO nice to have her out of my hair!

Good on you for getting her to respite. Hope she can be transferred, but not likely unless she has sold everything and gotten on Medicaid. Anyway enjoy the respite while it lasts.

My greatest fear is mom's AL will get too expensive and I will have to take her back. O PLEASE No No No!!!!!

Yup... it certainly tests your patience most days!

I mutter now, I never used to but I do now! lolll

Ok well she is bring released tomorrow. Nurses and social workers agree she should be in a facility but because they feel she is not incompetent the decision is hers. Here we go again.

Have you considered declining to take her into your home?

She is going to her own house. And there are services in place....she gets two hours of help a day. I called all her service Providers and that is all she is eligible for. She complains about then and how they do things. The rest of the times she calls us crying that she is scared and lonely. She calls and yells I need you....and then hangs up. Or that she needs an ambulance (her reasons vary) but needs someone to unlock the door. I got 19 calls from her in 2 months where she was crying about different things and wanted me to be there. She wants to live at home but wants 24 hour care. It is not possible. I have a few things going on myself.....and I need to keep my stress at bay. This situation is making me ill

It sounds like you need to start giving her more limits.

My wife and her siblings had a sit down with their mom and told her that she could no longer live alone. She resisted, but since she is dependent on others to drive her places and cook and clean, she really had no choice. (She came to live with me and my wife, but that is another story.)

The "broken record" is a good trick I have learned from my wife. Find a good choice of words to tell your mother what limits you are imposing on her. Something like "Mother, you have alienated the rest of your children, and I only have so many hours in the day to get everything done I need to do. I am giving you what I can when I can."

That was a bit long, but the idea is sort of there.

Repeat the words, the same way and with minimal emotion, every time she exceeds the limits you have set.

Gentle hugs

I can relate to you as a lot of others here can to. My mother has Parkinson's disease, and she does have a problem with mobility, but also I've noticed that she has more problems with depression and anxiety but that has always been the case long before she had Parkinson's. She's always been self centered and the older she gets the worse she gets. Although, I know it's no picnic to have a disease like this, my mother was very stubborn in the beginning and refused physical therapy and anything that might have improved her well being and mobility and now she has a lot of trouble getting in and out of bed.

I've spent countless hours running to and from her place which is 40 min. drive. I also can't have her living with me because our house is to small and she requires to much attention and care that I can't provide with my job and physical limitations. Mom was hospitalized twice and both times she was told she needs long term care and that it's to dangerous to be in her home alone, but refuses, stating that I can keep cooking, cleaning, doing errands and generally killing myself which I told her was done with now as it's wearing me down and stressing me out. I to was the lucky recipient of several phone calls and manipulative whining.

This is the second time she's been home from the hospital in a short time frame, and if it happens again due to dehydration or a U.T.I from not enough cleaning or brief changing, I'm not going to even come once a week any longer, her stubborn refusal is going to be a disaster waiting to happen. I have the same problem in that CCAC won't send anyone to care for her after 28 days of being home, and then they will with draw all but two 45 min. visits there after. What ever care she nees in between will be paid out of her pocket, and that won't go far.

It's very difficult caring for stubborn again parents, but we have to do what Pepperman says and be a broken record on what our limits are. Somedays I feel as though mom will out live me because this will suck the life out of me soon. She asked me once what if it were me facing a home, and said that I probably wouldn't go either. I told her I surely wouldn't like it, but I'd never let me kids care for me, they have a life to. So now she hardly talks to me when I'm at her house...lol. Oh well, you can't win somedays.

Best of luck.

Hi Kim! Missed you! Elderly parents sure can be cantankerous! At some point as adult children we have to put our big girl panties on and take charge.

Does Canada have anything like our Medicaid in the lower 48?

If so I would get started at looking into that for your Mom.

There WILL come a time when she can no longer be cared for in her home no matter how much she will not be happy about it.

Than you for crediting me with the broken record about limits, but a bit of a correction is in order. TroJan is HUGE on setting limits with our parents; I've learned that from her.

And if the truth be told, it is Mrs. Pepper who gave me the "broken record" method. It works great with people of all ages and in all sorts of situations. I used it with a client who did not understand why I was insistent that they pay me, especially when they billed my time to the paying client at almost TRIPLE what I was charging them!

Kim, I live in Quebec and called Social Services, they helped me a lot.
Just make sure you have Power of Attorney over your mom or the Public Curator can take over everything once she is placed.

Social Services can place her and overide the hospital's decision. They can also send people in to take care of her and clean her house etc,,, She won't like it but at least you will worry less, and eventually they will have her place by declaring her incompetent . It's not nice but'
sometimes we have to save ourselves as otherwise we will not survive.