cannot handle this anymore.  I am starting to go no contact with my horrific sister even though my mom is staying with me.  I also and finally at the point where I am going to kick my mom out of my house.  It is really sad.  These people are absolutely toxic to me.  I am extrememly upset tonight.  How in the hell did I wind up with such an evil family?  My mother is elderly and will not last long on her own.  they have sucked me dry financially, emotionally, physically.  I have nothing left to give.  It is really hard when an elderly person is toxic to you because they are so vulnerable and dependent but i simply cannot do it anymore.  I asked my mother to fill out a simple application to so she could get help with transportation.  I explained how that would help me out a lot.  This was three months ago.  I have reminded her several times after that.  tonight I asked if she had done it and she said no and then started to say she was losing her voice so she wouldn't have to talk to me about it.  I lost it.  I hung up on her /she is currently staying at my rich bitch sister's house because she was pet sitting for them when they were on their fourth vacation of the year.  my sister has been lying, manipulating, gaslighting, etc.  tonight she tried to bait me into a fight again to get her narc supply.  i didn't respond.  she is going to try to use that against me but it's preferable to me to have no contact.  she is absolutely vile.  she has been stealing family property out of my mother's house and not telling anyone which i just found out about.  the list goes on and on.  

i'm really done.  i could care less about my sister and would be thrilled to never talk to her again but my mom is a huge problem.  there is no point in trying to enlist my sister or deadbeat brother to try to figure out what to do with her.   last time i tried to talk to my brother about all this via email he simply didn't respond and my sister is a sadist narc so i am on my own and my mother will take no action on her own behalf.  it's like they are all dead weight and worse just dragging me down into my grave laughing all the way.

i think what i am going to do is call the clinic and try to get an appointment with a social worker or doctor to get her evaluated and get help with figuring out what to do with her.  I have been trying to hang on but i just can't anymore.  i just can't.  i don't know what else to do.  I would hire an attorney to deal with them but i can't afford it.

my mom is my only friend or at least i thought she was.  i guess she's not.  i guess she never was.  fuck.  what an awful night.  i need to withdraw into myself and stop thinking about them entirely.  i need to try to calm down.  take some deep breaths.  it's not my fault my mom doesn't love me.  does that mean i am unloveable?  i have no other "love" except from my cat.  

how can families be so awful. why do monsters have kids and create more monsters?