Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Hi everyone,
I have joined this support group because my 85 year old father almost passed away in December. He was placed in the hospital in the first week of december due to a bone infection that was making its way to his heart and brain. He was put into the hospital, where he was given an antibiotic infusion, and then he was placed into a senior rehabilitation facility to finish the infusion. It was at the rehab - that we learned that he also had double pneumonia.
He was in the rehab for about a month, and then last saturday he was rushed into the ER because he complained that he could not breathe. He was in the hospital again from last Sunday, to last Thursday. The hospital released him on Thursday afternoon, and it was his wish to come home.
He is seeming to do "well" considering what he has recently been through. The hard part is that, there was a level of knowing that there was immediate medical attention in both the rehab, and in the hospital. I, my mother and my sister are now the main people caretaking for him. We had a home health nurse come in, and they are setting up a very basic weekly visit for him.
I am - here because I will of course help in whichever ways that I can - but I also have my limits. I am probably the most abled of his home caretakers to effectively keep him on a schedule, or to make sure to keep on checking on him. The part of this though, is that - I don't know how to actually do all of this. And I am needing to also have a separation from the situation. I am mentally finding myself saying that I am not allowed to be gone for too long because an emergency might come up and I will not be there to take care of it.
I am also afraid to be there in that moment, because I have been there before when there has been no one else around, and he has apeared to be knocing out, or shaking intensely, or having a stroke (which he has not had, but there is an existing kidney issue that has caused him to begin to fall or lose conciousness).
I don't know how to healthily balance caretaking, with my own life. I work a full time job (as a manger of a counseling office). So I am begining to feel strapped of my own energy, as I am constantly managing the lives of others. I am begining to feel like I am losing my own sense of self through this experience - and I feel like that's not an option to even worry about.
How / what are your tips for maintaining mental and physical health, while caring for a sick elder in the family ?
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Which explains the mysterious fevers and my extra fatigue. I'm so glad I pushed for answers.
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Due to my increased paranoia, anxiety, and a panic attack over the weekend, my psychiatrist has put me back in a full dose of Zyprexa until further notice. Every time I think I'm getting ahead something happens and it's back to square one. I knew he was gonna do this but I can't help feeling disappointed. It is what it is.
First, take care of you. Build in a time to do "me" things. That means something that nourishes you and helps you relax.
Second, you are one person. Therefore, let others help. It's not about strength, ability, it's about having someone there. Make a schedule so you have an idea of where might work the best for you to be available.
Third, The charts lady mentions above are crucial to giving you relief of mind to rest the brain.
You have to remember care-taking is two parts, the care taker (you) needs to be taken care of in order to do the care taking of the parent.
Best wishes. You are not alone in this!
There are three of you there so that's a big plus.... I would talk with your sister about 'working' alternate weekends so that you can each have whole weekends off or whatever on/off time that works for your family
I'm guessing that your mom is elderly???
I would ask your dad to let you know if he's having any trouble breathing and if he is go to emerg
In so far as you helping him in a crisis all that you can really do is to call an ambulance and I would discuss this with your other family members to do the same
As much as we'd love to be able to 'fix' things for those whom we love.... We are limited in what we can do..... Taking care of yourself first is the most important so that you don't get caregiver burnout..... xo