Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Hello - I have been reading a few of the posts here and wanted to introduce myself. I found many of your posts comforting as I am dealing with the anguish of my situation with my Mother. My desire to protect her independence is in direct conflict with my need to keep her safe and protected.
She is 76 which is young but her health, due to years of smoking, makes her out to be closer to 96. She lives in a two story and her bedroom and full bathroom are on the second floor. She's fallen a couple of times in the past month and no longer can go upstairs so she sleeps on the couch. She told me this is fine and she refuses to talk about moving into a smaller, one story place. She also refuses to go to the doctor.
The real issue for me is that I live in AZ and she lives in MI. I am her only daughter/child (my brother died a few years ago). The sole responsibility of taking care of her rests on me and I cannot afford to leave my job to move back. I just returned from a visit and was mortified at the state I found her in. She just sits on the couch, barely eats and hasn't bathed or washed her hair in months. I was able to get her hairdresser to come to the house to cut her hair and help me get her cleaned up. She needs daily assistance but gets so angry whenever I brought it up.
I ended up going to our county's elder care resources and got a social worker involved. This infuriated her but I told her I had to. We were able to get a visiting physician appointment which is needed before I can get any type of aide to come to her home. I know this is the first step but the waiting is excruciating. It will be two weeks before a doctor can get to her house.
Sorry for the long post but I know if you're reading this you are in a similar situation. It helps me to know I am not the only person going through this. God bless all of us and our parents.
She is 76 which is young but her health, due to years of smoking, makes her out to be closer to 96. She lives in a two story and her bedroom and full bathroom are on the second floor. She's fallen a couple of times in the past month and no longer can go upstairs so she sleeps on the couch. She told me this is fine and she refuses to talk about moving into a smaller, one story place. She also refuses to go to the doctor.
The real issue for me is that I live in AZ and she lives in MI. I am her only daughter/child (my brother died a few years ago). The sole responsibility of taking care of her rests on me and I cannot afford to leave my job to move back. I just returned from a visit and was mortified at the state I found her in. She just sits on the couch, barely eats and hasn't bathed or washed her hair in months. I was able to get her hairdresser to come to the house to cut her hair and help me get her cleaned up. She needs daily assistance but gets so angry whenever I brought it up.
I ended up going to our county's elder care resources and got a social worker involved. This infuriated her but I told her I had to. We were able to get a visiting physician appointment which is needed before I can get any type of aide to come to her home. I know this is the first step but the waiting is excruciating. It will be two weeks before a doctor can get to her house.
Sorry for the long post but I know if you're reading this you are in a similar situation. It helps me to know I am not the only person going through this. God bless all of us and our parents.
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Tomorrow is National Relaxation Day but seeing how we already had a Moment of Zen this week and today happens to be a Friday, how about some relaxation jokes instead?! Namaste... enjoy! Happy Friday!
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If you only know one thing about me, it should be _____________________.
First of all welcome to the group! We really understand the issues of caring for an older parent. While the basic issues are fairly common and not that diverse, once you factor in all the personalities and personal situations, the issues can become quite complex.
From what you write, it sounds like you mother is not capable of taking care of herself, despite what she says. Please get the visiting doctor to do some sort of evaluation. If she is not capable of managing her needs, then you might need to do more than get an aid. She may need to be admitted to assisted living.
Bringing her to AZ to live with you is another of those "easy on the surface" issues, but becomes complex when you factor things in. Like are you ready to have her live close to you, or in your house even? Are you married, have other people living at your house? They become part of the environment, and as such they need to be part of the discussion about moving her in with you BEFORE you bring it up with your mother
Gentle hugs, and yes, you are NOT alone in this!
If you could get your Mom into a nursing home in AZ near you, that would probably be the best solution. It isn't easy getting on the plane and going off to another state to see how they are doing. In my opinion, it would be better to get her close to you so your life and job don't suffer.
Thinking of you. Keep posting here.
Can she afford assisted living?
I'd move forward with her daily care and if you don't have her finances and legal paperwork set up, I'd also get that going. The more you do now, the less you'll have to do later when a crisis arrives.
No one likes to admit that they've come to the age where they need monitoring which is how they look at it. BUT, when it's necessary, you just have to take control and get it done. They can be mad at us all they want, at least we know they're protected and safe.
Good luck getting everything in place. It's kind of a PIA in the beginning but well worth it.
I think getting others involved is the ONLY way. You can't be there 24 /7 and it sounds like she is being very stubborn. I believe you really jumped in and handled things very well for a surprise start.
Hope we can be of support.