Welcome. It sounds like your family has things in good order. I noticed that you don't mention how things are going emotionally and socially for you and your brother and mom. How are you dealing with your mom's illness? Do you have any thoughts about going to see her in the near future or is that not possible?

Again welcome to the group.

I am sorry you have not been able to see her for 4 years. It happens and there are phones and Skype.
So happy that your Mom is contented in her place. I am one who wants to be cared for this way. My parents were completely opposite.
So, I take care of my Mom by staying in her house. Its crazy but what I do.
Glad you found us here.

P

Welcome to the group! It sounds like your mom is in a good place, but I am so very sorry that you have not seen her in about 5 years.

Welcoming hugs

I CALLED HER LAST NIGHT AND SHE SAID SHE WAS ALONE AND CHOKING ON PILLS. I CALLED BACK AND TOLD THE RECEPTIONIST WHAT SHE SAID AND CALLED MY BROTHER AND TOLD HIM WHAT SHE SAID. HE SAID HE WOULD CALL THEM.
I DONT KNOW IF WHAT SHE SAID WAS TRUE. SHE HAS ALZHEIMERS. SHE SOUNDED LIKE SHE WAS CHOKING ON THE PHONE.

Welcome to the group. Please update us on how mom is doing. And how your holding up. You have found a wonderful support group here.

Healing hugs & prayers for Mom and you.

You did the right thing to contact the nursing home. Most likely, since you didn't hear back from your brother, she was not telling the truth. The staff would never leave her alone to take pills. They have to witness the patient taking the pill since many will hide them.

Your mom may have felt she was choking. One of the reflexes that goes with dementia patients is the swallow reflex. It is a real feeling and doesn't require the presence of something in the throat to feel discomfort. But in reality it is coming from the brain.

Often at this point they will begin to have problems eating. That same reflex is needed to swallow food. Is she having problems with this yet?

Have you and your brother talked about mom's end of life wishes? Does she have a DNR order? Would she want to be put on life support including a feeding tube? It's very possible if mom is having trouble with gagging that at some point in the near future the home will be asking about this. Better for you two to talk now so you have time to process the feelings.

Let us know how it is going. As peaceful suggested you should ask your brother if he can do skype or facetime so you can see mom and she can see you. Even if the two of you need to find a friend to borrow an ipad from. Some libraries have them to loan. We did this when my mom was in rehab and she really enjoyed seeing all the family members. It also gave my sister and brother a chance to see what mom was like without traveling across country.

I CALLED MY BROTHER LAST NITE (1-28-14). HE SAID THE HOME DOESNT GIVER HER PILLS. THEY GRIND THE PILLS UP IN A LIQUID AND SPOON FEED THE LIQUID TO HER. THEY DO NOT LEAVE FOOD IN HER ROOM EITHER. SHE BARELY SWALLOWS. GLAD I TALK WITH HIM. HE IS SENDING CHRISTMAS PICS OF HER!
I CANT GO 2 SEE HER.
I HAVE AN INOPERABLE BRAIN TUMOR AND HAD MASSIVE BRAIN SURGERY IN 2009.
THE TUMOR IS BENIGN!
IT IS A MENINGIOMA BRAIN TUMOR.
I M SUFFERING FROM CLINICAL DEPRESSION CAUSED BY THE BRAIN TUMOR.
I M DOING MUCH BETTER NOW SINCE I WENT ON ABILIFY.
MY HUBBY HAD OPEN HEART SURGERY ON 9-10-14.
I WAS HIS CAREGIVER.
HE IS BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN!
;-]

That's what I figured. Swallowing/gagging is an involuntary reflex meaning the body does it on it's own. It is one of the things affected by the dementia since dementia is damage to the brain.

Talk to your brother about skype for a PC or facetime if you have an ipad or iphone. It would be nice for you to see your mom live and for her to see you.

SHE HAS CONGESTION AND COUGH.
IT SOUNDS LIKE CHOKING OVER A TELEPHONE.
TU
GBU
SURVIVOR
;-]

Tell your brother to instruct mom or help to turn her head to the right before swallowing if she is pass this stage then give her ice or Popsicle to moisten her mouth. I assume that she has been evaluated by doctor at the home for possible pneumonia I pray your brother be by her side These nurses do not sit with or spend a lot of time with patiient as you may BELeive it to be!

My prayers go out to your brother who is at your mothers side
God bless

THE HOME GIVES HER MEDS CRUSHED UP IN DRINKS.
THEY R WITH HER AS SHE SWALLOWS THE DRINK.

SURVIVOR69

Be comforted survivor with that in mind alone brother is with mom he stands in your place also even though you are unable to be with her god knows all hearts and all intentions there is nothing that he does not see! He knows that you are far away in distance but nothing can separate no matter what the distance may be between your mother and you!

God bless you,brother and your precious mother whom The Lord loves so much!

Gosh you have been through a lot! Sounds to me as if everything is being done well. Good on you!