Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
I am new here. I joined the COPD board in April. Just in time to get my disability, and spend 8 months working with my dad as he tried to overcome his health issues. Unfortunately he passed in November, leaving his wife of 69 years ( My Mom ).
I am trying to figure out what would be the best course of action to take for her?
She is 86, in relativity good health, can't hear, and showing signs of dementia. She owns her home, but recently gave me her car after admitting that she felt uncomfortable driving.
I have two older sisters and one older brother that live 200 miles away. At the present time we are taking turns with helping her out. I only live 16 miles away, so most of her care falls on me.
I really don't mind helping her with her daily chores ( like I have anything better to do? ), but she feels guilty about it.
Any suggestions?
I am trying to figure out what would be the best course of action to take for her?
She is 86, in relativity good health, can't hear, and showing signs of dementia. She owns her home, but recently gave me her car after admitting that she felt uncomfortable driving.
I have two older sisters and one older brother that live 200 miles away. At the present time we are taking turns with helping her out. I only live 16 miles away, so most of her care falls on me.
I really don't mind helping her with her daily chores ( like I have anything better to do? ), but she feels guilty about it.
Any suggestions?
I am sorry for your loss, and for your mother's declining health.
It sounds like now is a good time for you to get some basic things done.
First of all (and very important) is to get a handle on mom's finances. This may often be best done by somebody other than the one who is doing all the primary care, but only if there is such a person who will do a fair and good job of it.
Of equal importance is to get medical power of attorney in place, and to get mom's wishes documented. This may spark debate amongst your siblings, so get ready for that.
You might suggest to mom that she sell her house and move in with you. Doing so before dementia sets in will allow her to get to know the "lay of the land" so to speak, and to familiarize herself with things. This also gets her money to help take care of her needs.
Talk to mom about getting people in to help, if for no other reason than to get her talking about it.
Well, I've gone on and on, but mostly repeating things we talk about here a lot.
Again welcome!
Someone has to be POA , some how the care has to be paid for once it gets to a true need.
Better ex. my parents choose me out of the 5 kids years ago. A brother was second choice 800 mile away even with my sister living near me and her grown sons. If it had happened to need my brother for this role he could have looked after things while a local relative took care of other details.
Insurance. Oh my. Look out for medicare. It is a lot to learn for those who have not. I am just a newbie with some of the ins and outs. Thanks to this website though. My parents did not let me see ALL the paperwork until way too late into things. I would never have set some of the things up the way they planned. Why> made it hard on them and me financially.
I hope you are feeling ok with the COPD part. This is my Moms biggest issue with her heart condition. Nonetheless is in her late 80s with dementia. Still can do a lot but I chose to move in. I think she would not be ok alone. But I have really struggled to give up my life for this. It was an adjustment for her too though.
If you are close to your sibs then see how they want to be involved. Better know before hand
Legal
Finances
Living arrangements
If you haven't talked to your siblings it's time. You guys need to be on the same page or at least the same chapter. Who is moms poa? Who is health care proxy? Who handles finances? What are moms feelings about her end of life?
Hopefully the legal stuff was handled when your dad passed. If not get a lawyer. It is worth the few hundred dollars to do it right. Too often family gets cheap and thinks they can do it themselves.
Go through moms finances with her. Figure out what she can afford to do. Can she stay in the house without eating up her savings? Does she want to stay in the house or would she want to move? Independent living is a great option for early dementia. Make sure she has a Medicare supplemental plan that is decent.
Be careful of moms feelings. Too often we try to barge in and take over because we know better and it's easier for us. Your mom sounds like a very independent woman. Respect her. Ask to help. Stress that you want to help her make decisions that will let her continue to live the way she wants to live.
;-]