Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Hi all,
I moved in with my mother, (82 yrs old now), almost 3 years ago.
She has spinal stenosis, arthritis, some stomach issues, and balance problems. She uses a walker. She also has COPD/Emphysema.
She has fallen numerous times, in the past 3 years that I've been here. A few times, she has to be hospitalized from her falls, and from getting pneumonia.
Mom fell this past January 2013. She had been sick with a viral infection, and then lost her balance due to fatigue, and fell on her side, with her walker falling on top of her. The ambulance came, and took her to the local hospital, because when they checked her 02 level that night, it was 78.
She stayed in the hospital, and got Pneumonia 4 times, and also contracted C Diff , 2 times. She also had a retro-peritoneal hematoma in her groin, possibly caused by her fall. She had been previously diagnosed with the retro-peritoneal issue before.
Finally, she went to rehabilitation , to get her walking again in June 2013. She has not been able to walk. She's working in Physical Therapy to see if she can walk. Right now, she can't get herself in and out of bed, or walk on her own, without a walker, and someone watching her.
I am the only child of 2, that lives locally. I am personally disabled myself, so she would not be able to come home if she can't walk, or get herself to the bathroom by herself. I can't lift her on my own, and have had to call the ambulance to assist her in falls she had in our home.
I'm here to support others, and seek support and advice from others, as I find it's very stressful, and worrysome to deal with an elderly parent.
I want my Mom to have the best care possible, but we all know the Nursing Home/Rehab care for the elderly is lacking in some areas.
Boo
I moved in with my mother, (82 yrs old now), almost 3 years ago.
She has spinal stenosis, arthritis, some stomach issues, and balance problems. She uses a walker. She also has COPD/Emphysema.
She has fallen numerous times, in the past 3 years that I've been here. A few times, she has to be hospitalized from her falls, and from getting pneumonia.
Mom fell this past January 2013. She had been sick with a viral infection, and then lost her balance due to fatigue, and fell on her side, with her walker falling on top of her. The ambulance came, and took her to the local hospital, because when they checked her 02 level that night, it was 78.
She stayed in the hospital, and got Pneumonia 4 times, and also contracted C Diff , 2 times. She also had a retro-peritoneal hematoma in her groin, possibly caused by her fall. She had been previously diagnosed with the retro-peritoneal issue before.
Finally, she went to rehabilitation , to get her walking again in June 2013. She has not been able to walk. She's working in Physical Therapy to see if she can walk. Right now, she can't get herself in and out of bed, or walk on her own, without a walker, and someone watching her.
I am the only child of 2, that lives locally. I am personally disabled myself, so she would not be able to come home if she can't walk, or get herself to the bathroom by herself. I can't lift her on my own, and have had to call the ambulance to assist her in falls she had in our home.
I'm here to support others, and seek support and advice from others, as I find it's very stressful, and worrysome to deal with an elderly parent.
I want my Mom to have the best care possible, but we all know the Nursing Home/Rehab care for the elderly is lacking in some areas.
Boo
So what is rehab saying? Are they seeing any progress or are they looking to discharge her? I'm guessing her rehab time is ending soon anyway.
There are several options depending on mom's finances for the most part. Assisted living might be good but can get expensive since it is private pay unless she has insurance for it. Nursing home would be paid by medicare if mom has no money but she would have to qualify as needing that level of care. Another option is home care with aides coming in to handle the heavy lifting parts.
Unfortunately if mom can't walk her health will continue to spiral downward. How is she mentally? And what are her wishes? If you haven't already done so this is the time to review all the legal papers and make sure everything is in order.
Sorry that you are disabled too.
Hope this work out for mom very soon.
(Funny how we all start out the same way here!)
Lots of good people here who get it when you need to vent about caring for your mom.
It is a huge complex system of compromises when we care for our parents. Unless we have unlimited free time, wealth, and additional support, something has to give. I think if we take that as a premise, that there is no perfect solution, then it is easier.
You have very wisely place a framework on your support for your mom based on your abilities and that is a very good thing to do. You say you have a sibling who does not live close to you. Is there some way they can help out? Could they come out for a weekend, a week, or so, and just be with you? It would take a huge load off your shoulders if you could get some time where you know you are not on call 24/7.
Hugs and welcome to DS in general and our support group in specific!
That's a shame to hear about your mother. It's so tough for them sometimes. It seems as though once they take a spiral turn it's very hard to get back on their feet again. She probably has some muscle atrophy right now and it's going to take some time in physical therapy and rehab to get her mobile again.
I've learned that I just have to take things as they come and get ready for the next battle when it arrives. Some days you laugh and some days you cry. It's very stressful not to have complete control over their care but you have to look at it in terms of your doing the very best you can.
So vent away or ask advice; whichever you need. Looking forward to your posts.
Hugs,
PD
I know exactly what you are saying. You want what's best for your Mom and yet you can't take care of her if she can't walk. I'm having the same issues with my Dad and he's falling a lot and shuffles. I too am disabled and it's so hard to take care of someone else when you can't take care of yourself.
I worked in a nursing home for years. The patients got good care, but the homes are so short staffed. I thought of my patients as family and treated them with dignity and respect and how I would want my parents treated. If your mother doesn't have money, they could admit her under medicaid (if she qualify's) Does your Mom have a social worker that you can talk too? That's where you want to start. Get support from them. Talk to your Mom. I believe most assisted living requires that a patient is mobile but that was 4 years ago. I'm not sure now. What is rehab saying? I believe they can skill her on weakness. Honey you have your hands full and I know it's so hard. You feel like you are torn in so many different directions and can't keep up. Please keep us informed.
Love and Hugs to you and Mom
Debi
It is lovely to know you care for your Mom. It is hard being the only sibling around probably. However, many will say that it makes some of the situation less complicated...no matter how well (or Not) you get along with family. Making your decisions with Mom is enough input.
But, If you feel you can work together to give your mind and body a break then maybe it is worth a try to ask your sib for help. You have to take care of you to be able to help someone else. Especially living with them. It is very hard, I think.
I came to stay with my Mom when Dad passed away. My Mom has COPD , falling history, and heart problems. Her groin often aches though she has not developed the same health trouble as your Mom. We watch for it though. Dementia is also very present with my Mom so caring for her at home has been a think ahead situation. What helped the most were medications and now we have all the equipment, plus Home Healthcare ordered for her at home when things are out of control. This makes such a difference. She did her PT after a fall and went from walker to cane. She runs bare foot a lot and often no cane! This rehab and mobility came in about 9 months. She is quite a scrapper and though mad at me most of the time, knew then and now that getting up and moving is a must.
We are fellow New Yorkers too. Though we reside in Indiana. People say it makes me a Hoosier but they just do not get that when you are raised by 2 New Yorkers, the household runs as such. Especially where my parents are concerned. If we landed on the moon we would be New Yorkers :)
Cheers
P
Larissa
But you will get a LOT of support and info here. I mostly come her to complain about my MIL - LOL..............but while I am here I do read a LT and learn a LOT ..........so while I can't offer much in terms of first hand experience...................I can tell you that you are in a good place:):) Lots of great people here.
Welcome:))
Yes, Mom has medicare, makes too much for Medicaid. (She's a savvy investor, even in her golden years, with a good financial consultant).
pt just extended her therapy until July 25th. She is very weak, gets tired quickly, and cant walk yet without the walker, and with someone with her. She cannot ambulate out of bed to the wheelchair or bathroom.
I'm looking into her long term health care policy, to see what is offered. Thanks for that input though!
She is very alert and with it for 82. She is aware of what is going on. But, she is getting depressed again, as she was in the hospital, and I don't blame her. Being in a nursing home for the long haul, is one of her fears, and I know she feels she won't get to that place, that brings her back home to me.
My brother is in Seattle, wa....SO NO help that can come over, or take time off to come here. He was recently layed off, and got a part time job, and is doing his best to pay his bills, let alone a trip to NY State.
I do have a gf, that is VERY Supportive, and is helping me getting the house in shape, should my brother and I sell it, if mom cannot come home.
SO, besides looking into the long term health care, I think i'm doing everything I need to at this time.
Home care would be great, but right now she can't get out of bed by herself and walk to the bathroom. SHe would have to get a commode for the house, since our bathroom is down a hall for her to get to. She is prone to falling, due to her balance.
Thanks again for the warm welcome!! So glad I joined this group!
Boo
You are a good daughter and the social worker at the facility she's in will be a great help to you. They would not send her home if she's not ready. They will help you and Mom decide what is best for her. Maybe she will perk up in the next few weeks and start walking with PT. Best to you and Mom and keep us informed.
Hugs,
Debi
They will have a social worker call you. Very helpful. They can recommend places in your area for mom. No fee and no pressure. But lots of good info.
Larissa
Have to say aplaceformom.com was amazing. The woman who called me took lots of time to talk to me. Let me tell the whole story. Had lots of great advice. Understood completely what my issues were. And best of all she lives in my area so she really knows the options. It turns out she was the activities director at the assisted living my grandmother was in 15 years ago.
I ended up not going that route for my mom. But I get a checking phone call about once a month from her. Plus they send very good emails periodically. Again great resources.
Good information.