Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
My Mother is 85 and lives alone. She has to use a walker due to dizziness and both hips and knees with replacements done many years ago. She needs a revision on one hip and the Dr.'s are not sure she is a candidate. Which means she could end up in a wheel chair.
She has macular degeneration of the eyes, almost deaf with hearing aides and memory issues causing some problems. She will not be able to live alone soon and her Dr. does not think I am the one to take care of her as she will not listen to anything he suggests I do for her. So at this time a caregiver comes in once every two weeks and we pay to clean her house and someone to help with the groceries.
That frees me up to take her to appointments, meetings, and any other outings she needs or just to lunch.
I have fibromyalgia, arthritic feet, panic attacks and multiple back and neck issues. So guilt is always there that I cannot do more. We are doing all we can afford to do at this time and she is comfortable financially as long as she can live alone or with me. When she can no longer do that she will have to have state help and she has never had to do something like that.
I just discovered this group today and feel less alone. I have very little support as my brothers both live a couple of states away. Due to a caustic relationship she never bonded with my children no matter how long we tried so I do not ask too much of them.
Years ago when she moved to be closer to me I set boundaries on treating each other as adults....which she hates. Needless to say we have a love hate relationship.
I am looking forward to hearing how others are dealing with all this and not going insane:)
She has macular degeneration of the eyes, almost deaf with hearing aides and memory issues causing some problems. She will not be able to live alone soon and her Dr. does not think I am the one to take care of her as she will not listen to anything he suggests I do for her. So at this time a caregiver comes in once every two weeks and we pay to clean her house and someone to help with the groceries.
That frees me up to take her to appointments, meetings, and any other outings she needs or just to lunch.
I have fibromyalgia, arthritic feet, panic attacks and multiple back and neck issues. So guilt is always there that I cannot do more. We are doing all we can afford to do at this time and she is comfortable financially as long as she can live alone or with me. When she can no longer do that she will have to have state help and she has never had to do something like that.
I just discovered this group today and feel less alone. I have very little support as my brothers both live a couple of states away. Due to a caustic relationship she never bonded with my children no matter how long we tried so I do not ask too much of them.
Years ago when she moved to be closer to me I set boundaries on treating each other as adults....which she hates. Needless to say we have a love hate relationship.
I am looking forward to hearing how others are dealing with all this and not going insane:)
I have Celiac. Dad wanted to cook and some idiot nurse told him a slice of bread every day was a "little bit" and would never hurt me. So he cross contaminated foods and the kitchen until I was very ill all over.
I had to speak with him and explain that this total stranger was completely wrong. Even tiny amounts make me really sick for a long time. He stormed out with his belongings and drove to the end of the block, parked for an hour, then turned around and just snuck back into the house.
But he stopped cooking in my kitchen.
That boundary was hard. The rest were easier.
Too often parents refuse to accept that children can be much more ill than they are and continue to expect that we behave with the energy of teens when we are well beyond that.
Stick to the boundaries.
Visit skilled care in your area now. Mom may never need it. But being prepared is half the battle. She clearly can not move in with you if professionals are observing that she ignores you.
Check out aplaceformom.com
There are many options available. From full apartments to total skilled care.
Remember that you have a right to a life of your own on your own terms. You have much to give to the world and can only do it when you live the life planned for you from the start.
She just got mad and refused to help in the kitchen and finally just cooked her own meals!
Thanks for the website looks helpful.
Don't sell your children short. True, they may never really want to do something for their grandmother, but they may be willing to help YOU do things for her. Or they might be willing to do things for you so you can do things for your mom.
By the way it may no look like it but I do know the difference in "here" and "hear" Makes me cringe when it is out there for all to see:)
I believe that it is a sign of placing more importance on getting messages across than in checking grammar and word substitution!
I don't understand parents who are willing to take advice from total strangers and refuse to listen to children when it comes to health conditions the children have as adults.
Dad still thinks "a little bit won't hurt".
SO.......... what the heck is "a little bit"? That depends on the person looking at the "bit". Of course, a person without the disease fails to fully comprehend and thinks of large amounts as "tiny" while those of us who suffer and suffer realize that "bit" can be microscopic in size.
I had to ban dad from the kitchen. He would "test" his pasta with his fingers, then touch draw pulls, cabinet handles, and clean dishes. I follow and touch those things - I get sick.
The only other choice was to clean the kitchen top to bottom before ever cooking any food for me to eat. No one has that much time.
I don't think they mean to be harmful. We always need to keep in mind that this is not the parent we had even a year ago.
When she saw me go into a seizure from the smell of a new desk chair she bought she realized it was not in my head. She had spent years making fun of the food allergies and the chemical ones until then. Now it is mostly that she just forgets.
They did not grow up with computers either. Yet, they manage to adapt to those adequately.
Some parents just expect that children be subject to parental control forever and refuse to behave respectfully