Good question Diane!

I often feel the same way I know the stress effecting my health negatively both mentally and physically.

There are no easy answers here. Try to eat VERY healthy and get some exercise every day.

It is tempting to comfort yourself with junk food and feel lazy and tired all the time. I fight this every day.

Attempt to stay in the present moment.

Try to let go of worrying about the things you can't control.

One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time.

Good luck. You are definitely not alone!

It helps me to remember that my MIL (and my mother when she was still with us) are not the person we remember. Treat them with the respect they deserve, but also understand that this respect is now a gift and not something that is "earned".

I mean that with a lot of love, and not the bitterness it might sound like.

For example, if I met a new person who was forgetful, cantankerous and needy I would likely shy away from that person. But my MIL (and my mom) are family and get that respect. Perhaps courtesy is a better word than respect, I don't know.

This let me clean up a huge poop mess (I now laugh at it) without animosity. I know that more of them are in my future.

It is kind of like raising a child, only in reverse. With a child you know that the problems are going to change, and that as time passes they will be more and more self sufficient. With my mom and MIL, I know that the problems are going to change, and that as time passes they will be less and less self sufficient.

Sorry for rambling.

I guess that having realistic expectations is what helps me.

Also a lot of it depends on the relationship you have with your parent. Some have had good childhoods with their parents, and that tends to make the time easier. Others here have had not so good childhood experiences with their parents, and that tends to complicate things.

Go with what works for you!


Also, learn to identify things that they ask for as either necessities or optional things. If they are ill and need to go to the hospital, that is a necessity. If they want butter and not margarine for their toast (and you are out of butter) that is an optional thing. One you put at the top of your list (getting them to the hospital) the other you don't.

Emergency midnight run to the store to get butter? I think not!

Again, sorry for rambling

I can answer that Diane. You HAVE to put yourself FIRST. You are no good to anyone else if you are not well and strong. I am still trying to learn that and practice my own advice, but I know it is true. I am where you are right now and it's hard. Keep getting support here and please, take care you FIRST. Hugs

you may have hit the nail on the head PepperMan. About the past relationship we had with that parent. My family was very dysfunctional, and the more i dive deeper into this through therapy, the angrier I become at how my brothers and i suffered. And it certainly affects today's relationship. It is difficult to work through. I do like how you out that respect is now a gift and not something that is earned....I need to recite that to myelf when i am in her presence. And nah...you never ramble. I very appreciate everyone's input!

Through prayer and the knowledge that we are not alonrpe god is with us every moment that passes by!!

God bless

Pepper sometimes bad relationships can be healed through the process of caring for Our terrible mean parents!!and watch the onion being pealed off in stages to end up with a precious innocent soul!


God bless

My Mom lost the "mean" too but it took some doing. Respect goes both ways and I believe it S something to be earned!

She should respect you and appreciate what you are doing for her. Once MUTUAL respect is achieved everybody will be much happier. Breathe deeply and exhale. You will get it figured out!

And, sadly, sometimes they are bitter, self centered sociopaths until the end. Each of us must judge for ourselves and take the path that works best.