Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
The Holy Ghost came and told him to take the dog collar offf the dog. Three cousins are trying to kill him. One cousin has a hit out on him. Someone is planning to kidnap the dog and collect a ransom on it. Someone broke in his house and took two bullets out of his gun. Said gun was hidden in an attic and nothing else was taken.
These are some of the things my father claims is happening to him.
I've checked with a lawyer and unless he's a threat to the community and I can prove it, there is nothing I can do.
Except lose my own sanity.
He's good at acting normal. Most people with a problem are. Is it dementia? No.
Not unless it started 50 years ago, cause back then:
An angel appeared in his house and took him somewhere else. Somebody put a witchcraft spell on him and made him do things. Everybody he knows is an alcoholic, even those who don't drink. Stuff that happened actually happened a different way even though everyone else noticed the same thing. Somebody used voodoo by adding stuff to his sphagetti dinner.
Like I said, these were his hallucinations within the last 50 years. So, he's been ill for many decades, probably all his life. Only thing was back then he wasn't my responsibility. He had a wife, a mother, other relatives. Now, they're all gone.
So what should I do?
I've had to ministrokes in less than a year. Got highblood pressure that's not controllable with diet. I tried moving in with him and my blood pressure rose rapidly from the constant arguments and yes threats. So, I moved out. Had no choice. Later he told everyone I'd been thrown out. Of course, now he's trying to get me back in so he can torture me more.
My doctor said to not ever go over there. She said that people like that are the ones you read about in the papers, you know, the ones that kill their own children.
So, here's my question: What would you do?
Forgot to add, last week he pushed me. I had the presence of mind to fall to the floor and stay there. I'm sure he would have punched me otherwise. And yes, he used to beat my mother.
These are some of the things my father claims is happening to him.
I've checked with a lawyer and unless he's a threat to the community and I can prove it, there is nothing I can do.
Except lose my own sanity.
He's good at acting normal. Most people with a problem are. Is it dementia? No.
Not unless it started 50 years ago, cause back then:
An angel appeared in his house and took him somewhere else. Somebody put a witchcraft spell on him and made him do things. Everybody he knows is an alcoholic, even those who don't drink. Stuff that happened actually happened a different way even though everyone else noticed the same thing. Somebody used voodoo by adding stuff to his sphagetti dinner.
Like I said, these were his hallucinations within the last 50 years. So, he's been ill for many decades, probably all his life. Only thing was back then he wasn't my responsibility. He had a wife, a mother, other relatives. Now, they're all gone.
So what should I do?
I've had to ministrokes in less than a year. Got highblood pressure that's not controllable with diet. I tried moving in with him and my blood pressure rose rapidly from the constant arguments and yes threats. So, I moved out. Had no choice. Later he told everyone I'd been thrown out. Of course, now he's trying to get me back in so he can torture me more.
My doctor said to not ever go over there. She said that people like that are the ones you read about in the papers, you know, the ones that kill their own children.
So, here's my question: What would you do?
Forgot to add, last week he pushed me. I had the presence of mind to fall to the floor and stay there. I'm sure he would have punched me otherwise. And yes, he used to beat my mother.
Sometimes you have to cut bait and move on.
He just called me to tell me that a gardener he hired and fired over three months ago is following him around and stealing papers from his car. He wants me to give him this man's address so he can take care of him.
And that's my biggest fear. If I call social services and he convinces them that he is normal and I'm the bag guy, then all of his neighbors are at risk. I just wish there was a way to just have him committed. People have no idea how hard it is for loved ones dealing with this. Just the other day I was watching the Wendy Williams show, a talk show, and the host was asking why Hugh Hefner's kids don't stop him from marrying a bad woman, as if they can just take control of his life.
I know that I will have to cut bait and move on. I've got to face facts that I'm in way over my head.
Thanks again for the advice. It helps to see the truth.
The first story that I can confirm was at a hospital back in May. My dad had a pacemaker replaced so he stayed overnight. Next day mom swore that they left them alone all night since she was there to care for him...then said there was a wild party going on at the other end of the hall. Well we all know they did not forget about dad or leave his 80 year old wife to take care of him.
Next was that a gang of roughiens pushed her when she broke her arm. Well my brother and his wife were 10 ft away from her and there was no one else there. The one person who she claims stayed was my brother.
The latest was that the house she just sold was burned down and my dad was there to help with the insurance. Well dad died 5 months before the house was sold. When I pointed this out she said "oh I guess it couldn't have happened" and then told the story to someone five minutes later.
She also has told many crazy stories. Like the one about the speech therapist bringing up the Koran in their first session. Nothing wrong with the Koran but not a common topic. When I asked the therapist she said my mom brought it up. But mom has been projecting her thoughts onto other people so it was the therapist who brought it up and also told stories about her family (really mom talking about our family).
So I can sympathize. It is heartbreaking to watch. And there is nothing you can do about it. I've tried explaining why these things aren't possible but even when she realizes it she just goes back to believing her story. The painful part is when she starts blaming us for not believing her and siding with others.
My hope is that we can find a good doctor who will figure out what happened and prescibe some meds that might help calm mom. Right now her anxiety and fears are overwhelming.
You must think of yourself and your safety.
It may be that your father has been suffering from schizophrenia or paranoia but never diagnosed. Unfortunately, as people grow older, the symptoms magnify themselves. Whatever the case, he's definitely suffering from some type of serious mental illness. And, OH yes, they can "perform" very well in front of anyone they deem could send them to an institution. It doesn't sound like he sees a doctor on a regular basis so you really wouldn't know if he's had TIAs where dementia onset could be a real factor here.
Going through all this myself with my own father, although he was never physically violent to any of us, he certainly was verbally abusive. I can tell you that APS and SS will not be much help. These are the same people that will come in, speak with him, he'll appear normal and they'll walk away with a; "Call me if you need advice." There were so many years spent trying to have my father committed; there was literally no help in any direction. It's called the "Right of Way Law", you can not just claim that someone has a mental disorder and have them committed for evaluation unless you are a custodial guardian.
We had to wait until the day came where my father was taken by ambulance after a heart attack. While in the hospital we had a daily fight with the hospital staff to have him evaluated. They wanted to release him to my mother's care and have him come home. We couldn't let that happen. It took us 5 1/2 months of continued hospitalizations and nursing care before the last hospital would finally help us in having him declared incompetent.
I think it would be wise for you to take some time away from him and catch your bearings. No one wants to see you get hurt here or become seriously ill yourself. There are times in life where there is very little you can do and the resources are either not helpful or just nonexistent.
To start with, you could call the local police dept and talk to them on steps on having the guns removed from the house.
I think of all those parents and loved ones of people like my father. Something eventually happens and they end up killing innocent bystanders. Then the public asks why didn't the loved ones do something. Fact is, since the 1960s, when they closed mental health facilities, there isn't anything a loved one can do.
Back in the old days a parent or child could commit someone just on their word and very little proof. No more. Now we have to wait for something to happen.
Run fast!
Never look back!
These are clear danger signals. That law has to wait till someone is injured o4 dead before acting.
It is hard - no doubt. But when my dad threatened to kill me, leaving saved my life.
Also, would u want to see him in jail? That's where he will be if he he does something violent.