Caregivers Support Group
A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...
My husband has fibromyalgia and it's very disabling. People say insensitive things to me about it all the time. I think mostly they just don't know and don't get it. I don't think they mean anything by it, but it's still not helpful. I'm just curious what kind of things people have said to others. Some of mine:
-it must be so nice to have him off work when you just had a new baby
-maybe he'll just be a stay at home dad (as if that's easy)
-this just wouldn't fly with me. He has to carry his fair weight around the house
-I wouldn't be as compassionate as you (said with a tone of voice as if he's taking advantage of me and I'm letting him)
-can't he just watch the kids while you do errands? Can't he just give you a break sometimes? Can't he just feed the baby at night so you can sleep? Can't he just mow the lawn?
-he just needs to jog 30 minutes a day and he'll be all better
-just make him eat gluten free. If he doesn't want to, just trick him into it. Then he'll be all better
-have you tried this product that I happen to sell?
-he's just going to have to get over it and learn to live with it
-isn't he better yet?
-husbands are just useless. You've gotta do it all yourself anyway
-it must be so nice to have him off work when you just had a new baby
-maybe he'll just be a stay at home dad (as if that's easy)
-this just wouldn't fly with me. He has to carry his fair weight around the house
-I wouldn't be as compassionate as you (said with a tone of voice as if he's taking advantage of me and I'm letting him)
-can't he just watch the kids while you do errands? Can't he just give you a break sometimes? Can't he just feed the baby at night so you can sleep? Can't he just mow the lawn?
-he just needs to jog 30 minutes a day and he'll be all better
-just make him eat gluten free. If he doesn't want to, just trick him into it. Then he'll be all better
-have you tried this product that I happen to sell?
-he's just going to have to get over it and learn to live with it
-isn't he better yet?
-husbands are just useless. You've gotta do it all yourself anyway
My son is profoundly disabled following a road traffic accident.
I had one lady tell me that although it was nice that i still had him, she thought he would be better off if we'd let him die! Another said that i was lucky because at least i knew where he was. I have had others but the first was the most upsetting.
To my husband:
*You look just fine, why aren't you back at work?
*Why does your wife do everything around the house? You have muscles like a bodybuilder.
To me:
*You look fine, why are you in so much pain?
*How do you care for your husband when you should be paralyzed?
*You have epilepsy, too? You don't look like someone with epilepsy.
People can be cruel, however, most of the time it is unintentional- as they see their spoken words as a weak & futile attempt out of guilt to be helpful in some way; yet it's delivery to us hurts & they would most likely never understand why their words hurt, even if it was explained to them.
Those two old adages still hold true: "Take it with a grain of Salt" - as most of the world will "never understand unless they walk a Mile in our Shoes".
I get it, ashleyjannette!
Hugs, MelodyJane
Hugs, Phoebe
Honestly, I have found the majority will never get it and don't care to hear our struggles with managing a disabled relative. Sorry, just my personal experience. What to do? I focus on how to enjoy life as I can when the chips are both up and down. Make a gratitude list every morning when I get bummed out. Then I count my blessings like.... I am doing ok personally, not homeless, not in a war torn country, etc.
Nothing rubs me more the wrong way them to hear someone say, "SMILE! it makes everyone day better. "I just think to myself Boy if you only knew your head would spin around!