Caregivers Support Group
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So I have been thinking a lot about this particular thought and want to run it by you all to see what you all think. Recently my boyfriend went out to a club with me. Mind you he typically does not do well in crowds, but before he met me he was going to clubs and crowded bars all the time. He even used to go out with other girls that he was dating or with at the time. Well when we went out together this last time,he had a lot of difficulty with his anxiety. He said that he was constantly thinking that some guy was going to come and talk to me or do something to me so he was constantly on edge. To make a long story short, he ended up getting upset at the end of the night and we ended up in an argument. The next day we woke up apologized and everything was fine. Now the part I am curious about is that he did not have this problem with other girls that he was with. Mind you, he used to go to vegas all the time before he met me with his guy friends and had zero issues in the clubs. He used to go to vegas with girls he was dating/with at the time and did not have any issues then either. I hope you all can see where I am getting at with this. Is this something related to his PTSD? or is this just a characteristic of his and regardless of where this is coming from....why does he have such difficulty with me? Just to let you all know, I have done nothing to ever make him think that I would ever cheat on him or leave him. Despite all that we have been through I am still here sticking by his side. Please help me understand, even if it is just a little bit if understanding.
When did his PTSD begin to manifest itself? I am NOT saying you are the cause! Something else might be the culprit & unfortunately, you are the target, just as I made my husband my target.
If your relationship is somewhat serious, he might be afraid of you leaving him. My PTSD manifested in such anger that I drove my marriage into the ashes.
Is he getting therapy? Therapy may be the only way for him to overcome.
For my own self, I found that as time went on, my symptoms migrated both inward & outward, with more & more anger. I wound up throwing things at my husband. My own internal anger towards myself was choking me.
If he is not getting counseling, then you must get counseling so you can learn to cope with his disorder.
Are you a member of the PTSD Group? You might be able to find folks with more experience with this disorder, as well as more and/or better advice about being in a relationship with someone with PTSD.
Sending Love, MelodyJane
His PTSD began once he returned home from IRAQ back in 2002 or 2003 I think. I don't have exact dates because he doesn't talk about it much to me. As of right now he is not in counseling althought I have been trying to get him to go. He finally made an appointment for a couple weeks from now so I really hope that he follows up with it. He has been noticing more and more within himself that he is needing help and that I tend to be the target when he is feeling anxious. We tend to have arguments pretty often, but we are moving past them a lot quicker than before. I guess I am starting to get used to them. He does tend to think that I am going to leave him and will often tell me that I should be with himself. I just remind him how much I love him and I am not going anywhere. I am hoping that his counseling will work, but he is not very open to it so that worries me a bit. I am just not sure how much I can handle and he is aware of this feeling, even if I don't express it to him. We tend to be very intuned with each other and know when something is wrong with each other even before we say something. One thing I love about him. I am a member of the PTSD group and it is very insightful to be apart of. You are also a big help as well! I have thought about getting back into counseling myself, it is just so expensive!! I guess once I get to that point I will have no choice. Anyway, thanks again for all of your support!!
PTLOVESD