Caregivers Support Group

A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...

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should we feel guilty?

hondacartech
hondacartech
should we feel guilty? when there is a function to attend and the ill spouse will not attend!!
i feel uncomfortable leaving her due to we can't afford a caregiver to stay with her. so we need to leave her alone? what should i do?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Will not? Does that mean she could but feels more like staying home?Perhaps a friend could come and visit for awhile,I think it's good to have some seperate time from each other.. Love D
Colleena
Colleena
Feel guilty? I feel guilty all the time - I think it goes with the territory. Go anyway? Sometimes you have to do something for you and work on how to handle the feelings that go with it. I try to do something special (like extra time and attention) the day before and after. I STILL feel guilty, but not as much. I also feel good that I got to do something for me.

Hope this helps.
deleted_user
deleted_user
We shouldn't feel guilty, but I do, too. I just keep thinking about all of the things I've missed with my family and the friends I no longer have time for because I CHOSE to stay at home and not attend functions. Then that adds to the resentment. Now I TRY to make a balance to take care of my husband and have some time for myself. Realistically, how much longer can I go on like this with no life of my own and feeling so isolated? I don't know. Some days it is more than I can bear. I know all of you are in my same boat. Please tell me how you cope.

Take care!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
no, guilt should not be part of a caregivers role, I was mentally abused by the one I take care of ... how? .... manipulation, he doesn't take care of himself, I care too much, compulsively so, and guess what it makes ... skip the guilt for your own peace of mind ....
deleted_user
deleted_user
All I can say is that I do not think you should feel guilty, but I do not know what you should do.
(I'm making this worthless comment, because people have left because other people did not respond. I do not want you to leave because of shortage of replies. Also, I think such problems as your stick in people's minds, like planting a seed. In time, something comes out.... sooner or later... At least, that is what I think.... )
deleted_user
deleted_user
people who have left because of no replies did not give others time to respond. we are generally busy caring for others and this site is for when we have some alone time.
TO EVERYONE THAT NEEDS AND WANTS ANSWERS
please be patient with us caregivers ... we care about you too and will respond as quickly as possible.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I went to a workshop, where the leader explained to us, that Blame, Shame, and Guilt cause Chaos. So as soon as I started applying that to my life, things started to turn around for the better.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My question is can she be left alone safely? Can you have her in a chair or in the bed, with items around her that she needs or wants and a movie or program on the tv? A phone by her too so you can check in with her or she can call you if she needed too. If she can be left safely, then you should go, you need some time away if it can be done.