Dear Soccerrprp, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I am not in your situation so can only say what my thoughts are. Has your wife stated a preference for what she'd like for her end of life care? If you did bring her home would you get support to manage any pain and also support with your children? Is your wife able to say what she'd like for her funeral?
Practicalities aside, i would say go with what feels right with you. If you can stay with her either at home or in the hospital it won't really matter. The fact that you are there for her is what matters. I hope you can find some support from others who have been through a similar situation, just to see that you will get through this and come out the other end,Take one day at a time, it's all any of us have.... Hugs and prayers x x

So sorry to hear this and I feel for what you are going through, but, like daisydip, I have no experience with this. Follow your heart and do what feels right.

Also, I think there is a Bereavement support group here at DS. You might try posting your question there for some advice from those who have been through this.

It must be heartbreaking. Do try to take care of yourself.
Hugs,
Molly

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Aside from any wishes your wife may have, please just think about what would make YOU feel the best...that's all that matters. Whatever you do, you and your children will have to live with for a long time. Will it make it harder for you to stay in your home if she dies there? Can you bear the thought of her dying in the hospital?

Hello soccerrprp,

this is a point of hardest part of any cancer, if you can manage having your wife home, this is what i would do.. I can so very understand where you are and the dadness you are feeling.. These are my plans for my dear husband when he has little time left, my husband has advanced kidney cancer which is terminal.. He was diagnoised over 4 years ago, we both have been very fortunate that as of right now he is doing good and he is boucing back from every surgical procedure he has had for all newer metastasis he is getting now.. With the latest being a 3 cm renal bone metastasis in his left arm which is so bad it fractued his and left his arm and shoulder bones destroyed from the tumor eating these bones away.. Once Kidney cancer reaches the bones is when it's known to be the begining of the end process of his disease..

I think getting as much done now is the best time to get arrangements started, the way i did this for my husband was a month after his diagnoisis.. At that time his prognoisis was less than a year.. When the arrangements are done you will not have to worry about all that will need to be done after your dear wife passes.. Hospice will help you so much if you decide to bring your wife home.. I have read alot of books about the final days of end stage cancer, there are so many books about what the cancer patient feels alot about the end stage of cancer.. Most every cancer patient wants to pass in thier homes, which is the most comfortable place they know so they can be with their close family.. Another place is a Hospice house which is equipped with family being able to stay with them during the last days with professiomal nurses and staff.. The patient and family get the best care and counceling if needed.. With 24 hour care but in a more private setting each patient gets the indivual care with especially pain medication changes to better dosages to be upped when needed to be as comfortable at all times during such a trying time for you and patient.. These are the plans i am going to go with if having my husband home with hospice and close family and if for any reason my husbamd being home is engangering this situation with extensive pain problems that he needs more pain meds and it isn't taken care of fast enough than a 2nd plan is needed.. These are plans that need to be thought of a head of time and actually what the patient wishes are too.. I am so sorry that these are the final times for you both, my heart goes out to you all so much..But being a caregiver to a loved one who has cancer will happen to us all, i hope this has helped you in someway.. My prayers are with you..

Please take care,
Beccaanne

My prayers for your family. Now might be a good time for her to record a video or write letters to your children. Something for thier graduation or such. My Aunt wrote letters to all her children in the time before she died and my grand mother sent picture post cards to all us grandkids with a simple encouraging love note, most of us still have ours. They both died of cancer. You need to find a good local grief support group, ppl who can come in and be there, and not just for a week or two but for the first year. The other question is how do you want the kids to remember her last days, in the hospital surrounded with flowers or at home with all that is familiar to them? This will be hard because you want to try to make it a somewhat happy time for them. My Aunt had everone make cookies every day the last week, and the rule was no crying at the funeral, we were to have a 'welcome home, new angel' party for the dinner after the memorial. Take this last time to celebrate her life and love.