Caregivers Support Group
A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...
My wife has been at a nursing home rehab since the 28th of March. For the first week or so she was doing great, walking 20' at a time. But for the last week and a half she can manage only 2 steps at a time. At night when I leave from visiting she cries. My wife has always been a strong woman and rarely ever cried in the 16 years we've been together. She relied on herself for years after her first marriage broke up. Now she is totally dependent on others. She would prefer me to do for her, but I am unable to give her the appropriate care she needs at this time. She's been telling me, "I am crashing". Her depression is deepening. I fear that if she can't get out of it she will give up completely and will die there. The nurse practitioner talked with her yesterday and ordered some meds for the depression. I am hoping it will help ease it a bit. I talked to the PT that works with her and he feels that she's getting worse. I tend to agree. I am trying to encourage her to keep trying. Its hard to see her this way. Her mind and body are shutting down and the home isn't doing much to help. I pleaded with them yesterday to test her for a UTI but they won't. I am frustrated and saddened. I have to be her advocate and I bring things to the staff's attention all the time. My wife hasn't much longer to live and if she gives up it will end sooner than I expect. Saturday night she said, "You are supposed to be my savior, you have to save me". Sunday I went to church to seek answers from God to know how to be her "savior". I was prompted to ask her what she is willing to do to be saved. I did. She asked me what she should do. I said let me give you a blessing. She shook her head and said no. I cannot save her because she is unwilling to receive the help that God is willing to give her. This is why I feel her time on the earth is coming to an end. Her health and spirit are fractured. The Lord can mend broken bodies and minds but she won't let Him help her. I pray everyday for her welfare here and for eternity. My heart weeps as I watch my sweet wife slowly fade away.
And when someone doesn't accept our help, all we can do is put them in God's hands.
You are right that she needs you to advocate for her.
If she is dying, have you called hospice for help? they can at least keep her comfortable.
I wish you well.
Similarly, insist on having your wife evaluated by the psychiatrist that is affiliated with the facility. Antidepressants should not be ordered without an appointment with such specialist.
You did not mention the reason for your wife's placement in a facility for rehabilitation. Perhaps her recent decline is related to the reason for her hospitalization? If not directly-related, perhaps indirectly? A meeting with the facility's physician is critical. If he/she is not helpful or you want a second opinion, call one of your wife's doctors for help (e.g., neurologist, cardiologist, psychiatrist), then take or call a transport service to take you and your wife to her doctor. You'll need to notify the facility and, in the case of a skilled-nursing facility, ask for permission to take your wife out of the building to a doctor's appointment. Such appointments can not be declined.
Lastly, if you don't get the help you need, contact your local umbudsman's office for guidance in resolving this issue. I just did a quick Google search for your stated location. Here's a link: http://www.ltcombudsman.ny.gov/whois/directory.cfm. Mark Miller is the New York State Ombudsman. He can be reached at (855) 582-6769.
While I believe in the power of prayer, please do not rely solely on it. Be your wife's advocate...and advocate assertively and, if need be, aggressively. Her life depends on it.
I wish you and your wife strength to get through this very difficult time in your lives.