Hi Melody, This is a good topic ! I actually posted a similar topic on Page 2 here called "Touchy Subject". Like you said probably all of us have struggled with this, it is one more unfair part of being a caregiver to ones spouse.

I'm young enough still to miss this part of marriage and I have grieved for the loss I feel. I'm not sure what the future holds for me, but I'd like to think that the possibility of being free to someday remarry exists if it's God's will.

Until then I guess I'm joining you in that sinkhole my friend ! :-)

Big hugs, Gwen

Oh my, hit the nail on the head. You are not the only one. It is sooo hard to lose that. Us-- well, pretty much doesn't exist since he is paralyzed and no longer can "function" in that way. But, we get by with some hand holding and kisses.... oy.. it is a sinkhole and it is sad, and don't you know, I do miss it, terribly. But life goes on, "for better or worse" and I guess this is one of those "worse" parts...

hang in there and take care

Molly- Thank you for responding on this discussion. Most people don't really really realize what "for better or for worse" truly means until they are in a place such as ours. My husband has a spine injury, not quite as serious as your husband's injury. He is still able to walk with a cane, & riding in a car is sheer torture. His spinal fusion surgery at L4, L5 & S1 leaves him no flexibility at the hips & the surgery was classified as a failure. He will suffer with the searing pain & post concussion syndrome headaches for the rest of his life.

Yes, after being married 40 yrs. I definitely realize what "for better or for worse" truly means !! :-)

ive been alone for 14 years. it isnt cause my wife is incapacitated its cause she ran me off. still the years of lost intimacy and sharing are years i regret. living alone is double the work with only half the rewards. dont like it..

Sorry to read about your situation, captain. It's hard, no matter what the circumstances...

im not much in the spirit of compromise any more. the last 4 women ive met were all practically destitute. one being evicted, one losing her home to foreclosure, one recently fired from her job and facing eviction, and one who was living in a school bus in a junkyard. all 4 of them smoked premium 5.50 a pack cigarettes. i dont know where to begin explaining how effing ignorant that is. the tobacco store sells decent off brand smokes for slightly over a buck a pack. i dont have patience for that kind of stupidity.
yea i know im way off topic here. sorry. i miss intimacy too but how intimate can one hope to become with an idiot?

I can SO empathize! It IS very hard! My husband and I have been married about 5 years (after being torn and kept apart for 3 loooong decades - it's a long, sad story re: good vs evil). We are finally together. Grateful and happy for that blessing. But he's been ill ever since. We discovered his illness days prior to our wedding and from then on it's been a struggle on many levels. But along this thread... no honeymoon, no romance... nothing... period. I'm not sure what's more difficult... missing the intimacy or being so exhausted that intimacy is the last thing on your mind (*wry smile*)... it's just sad no matter which way I look at it. If you don't mind, MelodyJane and Gwen21... I think I belong in that sinkhole with you guys... may I join you? (don't know wether to rejoice for not being alone in my plight, or to just cry and pray for us all).

Come on in! There's plenty of room in the sinkhole! LOL!

Hey CrimsonHeart.......jump right in my friend........there is indeed plenty of room in this here sinkhole like MelodyJane said ! I say we forget our troubles and have a party in it !!!!! :-)

YES! PARTY IN THE SNKHOLE!!!
I'll bring beverages, who's got the hot dogs & chips, who's hauling down the the grill, who's making pasta salad & who's got dessert?
LOL!

Well, MelodyJane, at least we have 'somewhere' to party, huh? ;) I'll bring the desert! lol

I feel kinda guilty - for being exhausted too much of the time for intimacy! It's all I can do to keep myself afloat - deal with my caregiver husband's moods - help with his mother's care - I think for him it is much easier to gather enthusiasm for intimacy so to speak. It's in danger of falling by the wayside I think :-/

My wife and I have been married 13 years. She is 16 years my senior. In the early years we were intimate a lot. Now that her health has declined so much we often go for long periods of time without being intimate. I love my wife dearly and she loves me. I try not to make a fuss about our sex life or lack thereof. Its tough at times on me but as long as I have my wife and I'm able to care for her, that sacrifice alone keeps me going. I'm not sinking I'm rising.

2earlyriser, Glad to hear you are at peace with your loss of intimacy. But for some of us it's more difficult. I know for myself that when my girlfriends and I chat about personal info. it hurts knowing they still have a healthy active sex life and because of my husbands stroke I don't. Hence......one feels like they're in a sinkhole of sorts.