Caregivers Support Group
A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...
Hi Guys
I've been looking for a support group for a while and I think this one is great! Read some old posts and stuff and the way people support each other is great.
While I am a caregiver of sorts, I realise my "load" (not sure what word to use?) is much lighter than most of the other people here. I took in a friend with mental health issues about 4 months ago when I found out her ex-husband (with whom she was living) was abusing her. I would not have been able to live with myself if I left her with him. They had a very dysfunctional relationship all the 23 years I've known them. She has only been sick about 8 years.
About 2 weeks after I fetched her she attempted suicide again. Long story short: ER stitched her up and transferred her to a psych hospital, where she got a new doctor (different area) who is the goods. Different meds + ECT and the depression is gone. The meds make her sleep a lot (13-14 hours per day) so there is not much else she can do. The intention is to get her into some kind of sheltered employment but this is not possible at the moment due to the meds' side effects. Doc says it can take 3-6 months or even longer for her to stabilise properly on new meds.
My friend is not a difficult or demanding person. In the past she was VERY difficult when manic - I am watching her like a hawk and at the first sign of a problem (mania or psychosis) I will phone the doctor. What gets me though is that I don't have much time for myself any more. I work full time and I used to live on my own so I did pretty much what I felt like - those days are over. I am a sort of "mommy" now - my friend is a bit like a 12yo - she can stay at home on her own for several hours but not overnight. I have to make sure we have bread and milk and all those things; I have to take all the decisions like what's for dinner; I have to do the washing; she is alone all day (dog and cat for company) so she craves company when I get home, while I am tired and want to veg out in front of the TV; We've had to go to court to get an interdict against said ex-husband; I'm talking to lawyers and doctors to get the court to appoint a curator to manage her money; I've been sewing for her - she really needs clothes; I'm helping her with her knitting; I have to make sure we have enough of her meds; I have to fight with her HMO about paying for the meds ... the list is never-ending. ( I know a lot of you do a million times more than I do. ) But what can I do? I don't mind doing all this stuff; I do mind not having time to do any of my own stuff.
She is going to visit her daughter for a few days - I'm dropping her off on Thursday night and she's coming back on Sunday, which should help; also I've contacted someone to do some sewing to give me time to get back to my quilting. What else can I do - count my blessings? Any other ideas?
I've been looking for a support group for a while and I think this one is great! Read some old posts and stuff and the way people support each other is great.
While I am a caregiver of sorts, I realise my "load" (not sure what word to use?) is much lighter than most of the other people here. I took in a friend with mental health issues about 4 months ago when I found out her ex-husband (with whom she was living) was abusing her. I would not have been able to live with myself if I left her with him. They had a very dysfunctional relationship all the 23 years I've known them. She has only been sick about 8 years.
About 2 weeks after I fetched her she attempted suicide again. Long story short: ER stitched her up and transferred her to a psych hospital, where she got a new doctor (different area) who is the goods. Different meds + ECT and the depression is gone. The meds make her sleep a lot (13-14 hours per day) so there is not much else she can do. The intention is to get her into some kind of sheltered employment but this is not possible at the moment due to the meds' side effects. Doc says it can take 3-6 months or even longer for her to stabilise properly on new meds.
My friend is not a difficult or demanding person. In the past she was VERY difficult when manic - I am watching her like a hawk and at the first sign of a problem (mania or psychosis) I will phone the doctor. What gets me though is that I don't have much time for myself any more. I work full time and I used to live on my own so I did pretty much what I felt like - those days are over. I am a sort of "mommy" now - my friend is a bit like a 12yo - she can stay at home on her own for several hours but not overnight. I have to make sure we have bread and milk and all those things; I have to take all the decisions like what's for dinner; I have to do the washing; she is alone all day (dog and cat for company) so she craves company when I get home, while I am tired and want to veg out in front of the TV; We've had to go to court to get an interdict against said ex-husband; I'm talking to lawyers and doctors to get the court to appoint a curator to manage her money; I've been sewing for her - she really needs clothes; I'm helping her with her knitting; I have to make sure we have enough of her meds; I have to fight with her HMO about paying for the meds ... the list is never-ending. ( I know a lot of you do a million times more than I do. ) But what can I do? I don't mind doing all this stuff; I do mind not having time to do any of my own stuff.
She is going to visit her daughter for a few days - I'm dropping her off on Thursday night and she's coming back on Sunday, which should help; also I've contacted someone to do some sewing to give me time to get back to my quilting. What else can I do - count my blessings? Any other ideas?
God bless you, you're a good friend.
Best of luck & hugs to you, MelodyJane
letting her help, since she is not completely incapacitated, would probably put her back on the road to a normal and fulfilling life.
You might also want to speak with her doctors for suggestions and also her own daughter.
Is her family helping her in any way, they should be??
You are an angel for doing this, no matter what, just an angel, but please be careful for yourself and your well being.
You sound like a remarkable person opening your home and heart to your friend ! She is very lucky to have you in her life. I agree with my friends here that letting her do some chores around the house will giver her a feeling of self worth and purpose. The added benefit for you is her help :-) I also think as someone mentioned that her family needs to step up if they already haven't. Sometimes we caregivers try to do it all without asking for help and I know from my own experience that is not the best idea for anyone. Take care.
Hugs and Blessings,
Phoebe :-)
Most counties have an adult protective division. They can be listed as her "payee" to handle her funds. Give the social services offices a call for information and phone numbers.
Welcome to DS. Stop by often.
Hugs, Sandy
I'll let you know how things go ...