Caregivers Support Group
A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...
Hi all,
My wife was diagnosed with stage iv breast cancer over three years ago. Her cancer has come and gone three times now and her physical condition is now precarious. She is barely able to get around with her walker, has chemo every week, I have a 5 and a 3-year old and I am getting grumpier by the day. I hate the way I am starting to lash out at my wife and kids and deeply depressed. We currently have in-home care when I am at work and the kids are at school. Her side of the family, who lives only 40 miles away, is barely any help and my family is in over a thousand miles away, but has been extremely helpful as they can be.
Lot of resentment, fatigue and guilt running through me now. How do you all do it? How do you deal with family that is SELFISH, SELF-ABSORBED, and largely NO-SHOWS?!
Needing some help...
My wife was diagnosed with stage iv breast cancer over three years ago. Her cancer has come and gone three times now and her physical condition is now precarious. She is barely able to get around with her walker, has chemo every week, I have a 5 and a 3-year old and I am getting grumpier by the day. I hate the way I am starting to lash out at my wife and kids and deeply depressed. We currently have in-home care when I am at work and the kids are at school. Her side of the family, who lives only 40 miles away, is barely any help and my family is in over a thousand miles away, but has been extremely helpful as they can be.
Lot of resentment, fatigue and guilt running through me now. How do you all do it? How do you deal with family that is SELFISH, SELF-ABSORBED, and largely NO-SHOWS?!
Needing some help...
I am so sorry for you and your wife. Also I am concerned children get time in healthier household where kids can be kids. If possible talk to a psychiatrist at least once. Get professional support and any coping skills that may help. You cannot go on like this without at least emotional support from somewhere. If anyone deserves a break, you are it. Would a move closer to your family be feasible? Keep in touch. We are rooting for you and sending our warmth and love.
Hugs.
My wife's family is and has been AWOL and they show no signs of changing. When my wife was first diagnosed during the holidays, my son, 2 at the time, had to be shipped to strangers/acquaintenances because his own uncle/aunt wouldn't take a day or two from their lives. Three consecutive weeks they gave some excuse as to why they couldn't take him in while my wife was in the ICU. The reality is that I have surrounded myself with reliable, proactive people and they are not related.
Just so tired wish I could be closer to home, but that would leave my wife further away from her family and with this whole healthcare insurance situation, leaves us no choice but to remain....
I do hope you have some close friends you can share your feelings with. I know how difficult it is to take care of your own medical/emotional needs when you are torn in so many directions caring for others. You have found a wonderful website that allows you to express your feelings openly and without judgment from others. We have all felt the same resentment towards our loved one and those we feel should be helping us with the care of our loved one.
Feel free to come here in this loving, safe environment any time you need to vent.......
And take your vitamins! We caregivers HAVE to take care of ourselves. Try to let go of those who can't/won't help you in your time of need. That anger won't get you any where. and just remember this forum is here for you to spill whatEVER you need to. people really are out here praying for you, rooting for you! We're ALL scared. I don't want to lose my dearest, and feel terribly guilty that we havn't told our youngest yet(she is in her last semester of collage, and I don't want to stress her out.
Just remember, sometimes a sympathetic stranger is the easist person to share with. God bless!
The bitter irony is that the sister-in-law and her mother are ministers, and the least useful/supportive over the years. I confronted them soon after my wife was released from the ICU to express my disappointment three years ago. Instead of apologies, they summarily informed me that I was partially at fault for my wife's cancer, that I was not a good father, that I was ungrateful (their assistance was minimal even then), and mocked. Oh, yes, both the sister-in-law and her mother both claimed to love my wife like a sister/daughter. The mother in question NEVER offered any direct help but prayer (convenient way of saying that no intention of action was forthcoming) and the sister-in-law, well not much more than that. But they did visit her while in the hospital. Never came by to see me and my 2-year old son even when we were staying at a hotel near the hospital for a month.
Aaaargh. Gotta get the kids ready for school...