Caregivers Support Group
A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...
I know i can't allow myself to think that way because its not helpful but sometimes the thought "I can't do this" creeps in and sometimes its hard for me to push it out and stay positive.
Right now the two hardest things for me are:
1. dealing with sleep deprivation of taking care of a baby and a toddler with hardly any help. Thats when I think "I can't do this" the most - when I feel like I've JUST fallen asleep and the baby wakes up again and I'm so tired that my body hurts and I actually get chills.
2. When my husband is irritable because of his fibro and depression and he is rude or snaps at me. I have been trying to balance between being patient and letting him know its not okay to take his suffering out on me. But those moments are when I miss our life before fibro the most. Those are the moments I worry about how our marriage is going to survive.
I can't give up, so how do I stay strong? I know I'm the happiest when I don't feel sorry for myself and instead focus on living with "the new normal, but how do i fight the negative thinking when it comes?
Right now the two hardest things for me are:
1. dealing with sleep deprivation of taking care of a baby and a toddler with hardly any help. Thats when I think "I can't do this" the most - when I feel like I've JUST fallen asleep and the baby wakes up again and I'm so tired that my body hurts and I actually get chills.
2. When my husband is irritable because of his fibro and depression and he is rude or snaps at me. I have been trying to balance between being patient and letting him know its not okay to take his suffering out on me. But those moments are when I miss our life before fibro the most. Those are the moments I worry about how our marriage is going to survive.
I can't give up, so how do I stay strong? I know I'm the happiest when I don't feel sorry for myself and instead focus on living with "the new normal, but how do i fight the negative thinking when it comes?
There is no easy answer...Some days you need to find a babysitter and go out for coffee, preferably with a positive friend. You also need to find 'me time' regularly. For me that isn't daily, once a week I join a few friends and we do some quilting for the afternoon. It helps me to feel normal. Some days I just do everything making an effort to find the good. "Thank you Lord my child has normal digestion thats why there are diapers to change", "Thank you we have food - thats why there are dishes to wash", "Thank you my daughter didn't die from the concussion - we have fibro to deal with, but I still have my child"
I am not making light of this - it is sometimes very depressing and very hard work - but it does get me through the really tough days.
If you are not breast feeding you may be able to take melatonin, I find that helps the sleep I do get feel more useful.
If your husband's fibro affects him like my daughter's affects her - there will be times of complete irrational logic, for my daughter these times are often when she is a bit snappy too. It helps me to know that when I confront her a bit later and say that it was uncalled for - we have very good discussions and she does try after that to be better. Thankfully she is a positive person and an easy patient most of the time.
It is OK to mourn what you have lost through fibro, for both of you. One of the ways we cope is to try to have the perspective of our family as a team/unit against whatever the world throws at us. Together we can get through anything.
Are you taking a good vitamin suppliment? Very important as part of taking care of yourself, and make sure you take time every now and then to put your feet up with a cup of tea or coffee.
Hang in there and feel free to message me if you like.
I agree wholeheartedly with the advice lowernotes has given here, and can only add a Big Hug to encourage you to keep on doing the best you can!
Hugs, MelodyJane
You carry a heavy load. Is there any way you could hire someone to help out for a few hours in the day or night? I remember how tired i was when my babies were little... exhausting doesn't come close! With looking after your husband on top of this i am not surprised you feel overwhelmed. If you could hire someone even a couple of times a week so you could rest it would give you something to look forward to.
Your marriage has changed, obviously it's not what you or your husband had dreamed of. Perhaps some honesty about how hurt you feel when he gets angry/ frustrated with you. My heart really goes out to you. It's so hard just being a mom let alone all the rest. Don't feel guilty. Hugs and love xxx
When my hubby gets the nasties I have made it a point over the last few months to demand respect from him, no matter how he feels. Illness is no excuse for abusive behavior unless there are mental disorders at work. You are right making it clear that it's not ok to take his suffering out on you. Even though confrontation isn't cool you have to do it. We are creatures of habit and if he is allowed to do it, it will continue. My favorite line is "Excuse me, I don't deserve to be talked to like that" and then I walk out. That's usually enough to get an apology from my hubby and then he is more careful how he says things to me.
Good luck, you have a very very full plate. Hugs and prayers, Sandy
Good Luck with all this.