Caregivers Support Group

A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...

932 Members
2,583 Posts
0 Online
Personal Challenges
/ Caregivers Support Group

hi, i'm new and a little overwhelmed!

aurorio
aurorio
Hi all! I am sooo happy to have found this group! I am a live-in, full-time caregiver for my 88 year-old grandmother. She has dementia and has recently started to have more physical problems, like incontinence. I have been living with her since 2008. For a while I could still work at my job, but about two years ago I left my job, as it was harder for her to be home alone. She is a sweet, lovely person but sometimes it can get overwhelming because she doesn't always know where she is, or who is in the house. she asks about family members who live far away, thinking they live with us. Most weeks I have one afternoon off when a sitter stays with her. Otherwise i only get away for maybe an hour or two to do errands. Longer than that and she gets confused and upset. I have been looking into overnight respite care, because I feel I need a break, but I also feel super guilty!! Any advice? Anyone had experiences with overnight respite care? Thanks so much and lots of love to all of you caregivers!!
MollyLovesFlowers
MollyLovesFlowers
Welcome to our caregivers group! I'm sure you'll meet friends and find support here, as I certainly have!

Your grandmother is lucky to have you by her side.

I have no experience with overnight respite, so can't help you there. But do not feel guilty for needing a break. Caregiving is a stressful and overwhelming job and we all need a break, now and then.

Take care,
Molly
bob20
bob20
Aurorio..........It's great to see someone so loving to her grandmother. Please do not feel guilty about wanting some rest time. Without it even the strongest fall prey to illness and then what happens?? I had two sources of help when looking after my partner. Hospice has all sorts of support help available and here in Canada we have community care access centers which assess the situation and provide whatever support is needed. Be kind to yourself and get others...family, friends and volunteers into helping out. This is not yours to shoulder alone and you should speak out. Understand others want to help but have difficulty knowing what to do so you need to sit down and think of what help you need and who of the people you know would be best suited to handle a specific task. Then assign this duty to then. Don't ask just politely inform them of what they can do to help.

Good luck ....Hugs Bob
deleted_user
deleted_user
Molly and Bob are right. You deserve a break and sometimes people don't realize how hard your job as a caregiver is. So tell them rather than ask to help out. I always had a problem asking for help in the beginning but now I send out my "Help" call and my family and supportive friends come running.

Welcome to DS, feel free to post anytime. We try to all help each other here. Take care. Patricia
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't even know what overnight respite care is,can you educate me on that?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Bascically it's a hired caregiver that spends the night. This allows you (the regular) caregiver freedom to be away overnight.

When I was new I had no idea what respite was either. I refer to my time off from caregiving as mini-vacations, ha ha.

Hope I was some help.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ooopps!!! I misspelled basically. LOL
aurorio
aurorio
thanks for the kind replies! sometimes it's hard to explain to family how much I do and how stressful and frustrating it can be. I love my grandmother but I do want to be the best caregiver I can be and I think getting a break every now and then helps! She has dementia, so I can't always make her understand. But I try! :) Thanks again, everyone! :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Respite is so important, so that caregivers don't get burnt out.. I have been lucky to get respite. I care for my wife of 30 years who has dementia at a young age. ( Brain injury at 47). She gets confused, asks the same questions over and over and forgets who and where she is. After 8 years I have learned the MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO LOOK AFTER YOURSELF. If you don't, you will not be able to look after your loved one. Look for respite programs that are out there. In Canada there are government programs. Ask family members. Try church groups. If you can afford it hire a service, You have to do it for your loved one. Its scary the first few times. I still worry that something may happen while she is outside my care, but I'm not Superman. You're not superwoman. You cant control everything. Be wary of people who tell you can.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi #1 do not fell guilty.You will be a better care giver and grand daughter when you take time for your self .Get family or a friend or a paid aid to help you.Sweet or not its a very demanding role.Dementia is mind bugling to me .My princess says the same things as your grandma .I use to feel guilty leaving her for the weekend .Now we have 24 hour care .I even got to arrange a sick day .First in 7 years .I went on a 5 day vacation last year she broke her hip .Go figure .NO GUILT YOU DESERVE TIME OFF only your brain will be thinking is she ok?god bless
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hope the other family members know what you are going through.Guess how much it can cost to care for a loved one ?????Anyone have any idea ?????????nursing home ?Assisted living ?Private home health?We have the best here in Colorado .God bless be good to your self .And then you can be your best for others.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You need a break too, otherwise you can implode, check out adult day care in your area,,also what state do you live in? Some states have IHSS (In Home Supportive Services)..also check with your local senior citizin center, some do provide senior companions for a few hours a day or may have resources to help you...If have a chance, go to your local library and check out "learning to speak alzheimers" by Joanne Coste, i think you can also find it on Amazon..it is a wonderful book not just for those with alzheimers but dementia and TBI as well...
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am a live in provider, working for a agency but i am in cali....