great question. I could have written this myself. This is seriously the hardest thing I've done in my life. unless you live this live -- people don't understand. I get angry when someone tells me about someone that passed and all the hard work they did. You listen for a while and they visited them at the hospital a few times before they passed. oh my. how hard.!! When my husband was in the hospital for the 83 days it was a piece of cake. I could decide when I was going to go home, what days I would visit --- no worries about meds, falling, potties, it was all taken care of. They were the caregivers. Now I'm doing the work of an entire hospital crew. And you know what annewinnie, hospitals are starting to expect family takeovers. Its either you take him home or you have to send to nursing home which insurance doesn't cover.

Hi Anne, I'm agreeing with my friend ajm..........being a caregiver is THE hardest thing I've ever done in my life also !! How do you still have a life ?? Good question. I could say get away as much as possible, but you still have to return back to the same depressing life afterward.

I could suggest find an "outlet" like walking, a hobby, volunteer job...etc. Once again tho, it's not practical because most caregivers have no extra time for themselves.

It's a real lousy way to live watching the rest of the world go by living their "happy" lives untouched by circumstances that we live with every day.

I guess......or rather......I know that's why I'm here at this DS site venting and chatting with you all......my fellow "inmates"....oopps I mean caregivers :-) :-) :-) :-)

Hang in there ! You're in the right place here at our Caregivers Group !

Big Hugs, Phoebe

annewinnie- you are among people who understand.
I agree with my friends ajm1959 & Phoebe- Caregiving is a not the greatest lifestyle to live. None of us chose it, yet we must deal with it.
As many Caregivers here have said many times- please find a way to get respite time for yourself- it's time away to push the reset button. You need to take care of yourself as well as your wife.
Sending Love & Hugs, MelodyJane

thank you all for your kind words.

Very scary, I was thinking " I could have written this" and then I scrolled down and saw reply #1. I do take some solace in confirming I am not the only one going through this, feeling like I have no life left. It's hard and that's all there is to it. I'm not complaining because I know this is my responsibility. I'm sure you love your wife as much as I love mine and that is why we do it. My goal is to hopefully use this group to help reduce that feeling. So maybe we can accomplish that together. Hang in there.

To all the caregivers who wrote,this sounds like the way I feel.
Sometimes I feel I have no life either.

I do have friends though that are supportive,but my husband's family are no help at all.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done.I raised 3 children on my own,that was hard,but this is worse.

This group is very good for me. It shows me that I am not the only person going through this.
Good luck to you all.My prayers are with you

Dear Friends,
I am in a fortunate position....if you can call it that. I was a full time carer and in someways still am. My son still lives at home and requires 24 hour care. He has support workers now but for the first eight years after his head injury I was his soul carer. If he goes in hospital I can't leave him as his needs are to specialized for the nurses. He needs one to one and as he doesn't speak he would be left as the nurses are too busy. I still however have a life on hold. I have to be availiable to step in if a carer doesn't show. Yesterday is a prime example, i did all day. I can't be spontanious. Holidays are fuelled with panic attacks and anxiety expecting a call to say my son is unwell. It is not an easy path to tread. Not one for the fainthearted. We often can't get into other peoples houses so we either have family gatherings here (more work for me) or we don't see people. Then of course there's the caring for my father through lung cancer, my ageing mother and my daughter who has mental health issues. On top of this i have chronic depression, arthritis in my spine and knee and weight problems...i eat for comfort.
Friends have fallen by the wayside. My life stopped theirs continued. I don't feel sorry for myself... just sad. I love my son with all my heart. He is a joy and I am glad he didn't die. I am braver than i thought, stronger than i could ever believe and i have wonderful friends here.
Love to you all xx

I was a sole caregiver for my mom for 19yrs. The 1st 10 were not so bad. It was in the later years when her health & handicap became worse & she needed more care than I could provide. Mom had to go on Title-19 inorder to get the care she needed. We had home health care aids 2x a day/2hrs 7 days/wk. It was through our Area of the Ageing that I found other means of services esp Respret care (voluntary adult sitters) to give a few hours for myself at night. We met some wonderful people in this program.
My mother also went to a Senior care program 3x/wk & every other Sat. A handicapped bus picked her up & dropped her off 9am to 330pm. This gave me the time to go grocery shopping, fishing or just plan down time to myself.
Anyone here can contact me on DS. I will be more than willing to share my expirance stength & hope.

Here and caring.

Hugs.