First welcome, my niece is very similar to daughter. After many years of trying to make it work, my sister-in law looked into a group home. Many tears and conversations followed. My niece was resistant, but being home alone was dangerous. She loves it now. She has friends, she is not the only one who can't do things. Her life is geared towards what she can do. She helps the others with what she can do and they help her with what they can do. Hugs

HI. My daughter is an OT. she deals with multiply handicapped adults and medically fragile children. She believes in setting boundaries.. she told me half the people she deals with that are still in family homes, have more behavior problems than their other issues...she felt that many of them were used to getting away with stuff- "acting like brats" and that they needed that behavior curtailed more than they needed her therapy. It is never too late to set boundaries.

Is your daughter in any sort of day program? could that be a possibility? could she be assessed for OT or PT to help her be able to do more around the house? they even have behavior specialists....
Have you thought about where she will live when you are too old to take care of her? would a group home situation work for her, while you were still around to help her settle in? (just ideas being thrown out there)
Also, that same daughter? she used to be rude to me when she was in college, on the phone....so I would say "gotta go" and hang up, and amazingly she figured out that if she wanted my time she had to be nicer. (an ugly phase)
Anyway, it must be exhausting, and I hope there is somewhere you can get some respite care for her.
I will ask my daughter for ideas as well.

Sorry this is so hard .Maybe a day program would be a help to you both.
Caregiving is very HARD and it feels worse if you don't feel appreciated.
Maybe if she was away from home for a few hours a day ,she might learn some skills to help her be a little bit more independant.

Just a thought

Thanks to all who responded - it helps just knowing I'm not the only one dealing with this. I have thought about a group home for her. I hate the thought of "putting her somewhere" and I know she's never agree to it willingly, but I'm running out of options. Yes, she does "act like a brat"! She's very smart and I know part of the way she acts is manipulative in order to get her way, and she's very good at it. She makes me feel like nothing I do is right and everything is my fault. I do reach a breaking point where I just have to walk away and go into another room.

It's the physical handicaps that are her problem. She suffers from severe autonomic dysfunction - heart palpitations, very low blood pressure, high heart rate, migraines, insomnia, etc. The latest diagnosis is Ehler's Danlos Syndrome, hypermobility type. I believe she can do more than she does, but when I try to get her to do anything she tells me I don't understand, curses at me, and still won't do anything. I fear for her future because she is going to have a very lonely life if she keeps pushing everyone that loves her away like she does. I think if she was in the care of someone who is not so emotionally invested that she might do better.

I have looked into group homes, but it seems that most are for mentally handicapped children or elderly people. Neither would be a good fit for her. That's why I feel that this is an overlooked type of situation. I can barely get her to get to the car for a doctor appointment so I know I wouldn't be able to get her to a day program. I work full time, and I have to in order to pay the bills. We have a friend of hers that in exchange for living with us rent free helps to take care of her when I'm at work, but I don't see that lasting much longer. She just wears on anyone that is around her for very long because she is rude and demanding.

I love her to death, but sometimes I don't like her very much - it hurts me to say that, but it really is getting to that point.

Thanks again for all your comments - it really does help.